We went to our new beach again today. We'd gone on Friday and barely anyone else was there. Today, being Sunday, it was a little more crowded. Not too bad though. A lot of families. A few inbreds. A girl who looked so hard that I immediately formed a prejudice thought in my head. She had a terrible scar from her knee down across her foot. My first thought was car accident as a result of a DUI. I scolded myself (in my head - it's not like I shook my finger at myself) for making such an opinion and the next thing I knew, she was on her cell phone telling someone (very loudly) that she can't wait to get off effing probation so she could effing drink already. Eff it.
My favorite couple of the day was so exactly a Match.Com commercial, I looked around for the camera crew. He was about 60, khaki shorts and polo shirt tucked in, and some type of loafer with no socks. He was Kenny Rogers-esque, and I guess he was OK, until I noticed the shorts were elastic waist. He was about a seven. Now, if he has money, don't hold me to that seven. She was slightly worse. Six point seven five. Probably in her mid 50's. Dirty blonde bob. Looked OK. But she had on black capris and a red and black floral blousey type thing. In Pisgah, you're there to hike, bike, camp, or go to the beach. Whatever the case, there's no excuse for wearing capris and a blouse. She was a fish out of water. Couldn't see her shoes, but I know they had to be black sandals. Probably with an one inch heel. I'm sure she recently had a pedicure, too. I could tell. I'm guessing "O.P.I. Red".
I told Robin about the couple and read to her what I imagined their personals said. "I love to hike. I love the outdoors. I love picnics with good wine and even better conversation." In her usual fashion, Robin wasn't paying attention to me and was, what appeared to me, watching for something else to mate so she could take pictures. I kept telling her to pay attention, cuz they were sitting right over there, but again ... nothing.
You can tell when people are on their first date. It was so cliche. They actaully didn't sit on the beach. They chose a shady area in the grass on a hill behind the beach. I couldn't stop watching them. There was the picnic blanket, the picnic basket, a bottle of wine, two wine glasses, grapes, and what appeared to be cheese. He did all the work - flattened out the blanket, got out the wine glasses and the wine. Then he appeared a little panic strickened. He looked through eveything twice, patted down his pockets, scratched his head and said something to her like what I'm sure was, "You're not gonna believe this. I forgot a corkscrew." You can tell it was a first date, or a very early on date, because rather than watching her accuse him of being an idiot or telling him to figure it out, I saw a wave of the hand and a 'that's OK' look.
The man needed his wine. I watched him approach several families asking for a corkscew. I think the family next to us had a jack knife or something. Whatever it was, it worked. The man was very grateful.
I watched them for about an hour. He talked. She laughed. She touched his arm. He poured more wine. She ate grapes. He was uncomfortable seated on the ground. She tossed her hair. Watching their body language, things appeared to be going well. I just wish that I could have eavesdropped. Instead, I had to listen to the man next to us to Abby how it wasn't nice to put rocks in Daddy's sandwich.
We had to leave before they kissed. I hope it was a match. They did seem nice.
God, I hope I never have to date again. Robin is sitting on the couch right now in her pink PJ bottoms with squirrels on them and some skull and cross thermal shirt. She's playing her DS and complaining about what I'm making for dinner. Since I never wanna be the lady in capris sitting in Pisgah Forest on a first date, Robin is looking goooood.
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