Ahhh...A morning of self promotion...

But if I don't do it, ain't nobody gonna do it.

I got my muttstruttcarolina business cards, tee shirts and car magnets yesterday! Spent the evening making homemade doggy treats and this morning I stuffed the little bags with the treats and cards and headed out. Our plan was to go to a coffee shop called "Oasis". Just as we were about to leave, our friends called and invited us to meet them there. These gals don't know us too well and I think I embarassed Robin. I handed out bags to all the customers who looked like animal people. Oh, there's definitiely a look. I just walked up to a table and asked if they had pets. Simple. The owner of the coffee shop took a bunch of cards. She and her husband own an RV park and she is going to put the cards in the office. She thinks there's quite a need for dog walkers there. One of the coffee shop customers suggested I take her card in return. She said, "Here. Take one of my cards. Not that you need it. Necessarily." She was a shrink! Robin loved that one.

Then, I got super ballsy and started handing them out to people on the street. Someone suggested I go to the hair salon on the corner because they're big time dog people. Did just that and left a few bags on the counter for customers. One lady in the salon said she "Loved the bags. They are so adorable. You're a smart girl". I love her.

Before we came home, I went to a local fancy pet store (the one where the girl asked for my resume) and dropped off a few bags and several cards. Did the same thing with a few boutiques too.

Here's the irony...when we got home, the garbage was tipped over and strewn throughout, and the dry dog food container was on it's side, empty. I wonder what all the people who I met this morning would think if they saw my dogs and how they (mis)behave. They can never know.

Cleaned up the mess. Now all I have to do is sit here and wait for my phone to ring.

Livin Lahhhge as Mountain Folk

This morning we got up and out of the house at around 9:00. "Let's do something. Let's go on an adventure!", she said.

I was thinking breakfast on Main Street, or maybe a few hours in Asheville. Maybe go to Brevard, another super cool town nearby. Then there's Pisgah, a gorgeous national forest that we keep saying we must visit and take our "good" cameras.

We wound up at "Smiley's", North Carolina's self declared largest and finest flea market with over 1000 selling spaces available.

She got a new tongue ring, which, by the way, I'm pretty sure she put in without sanitizing. I scored some socks for $2. I'm pretty excited about them too. The socks on the other end of the table were $3. I was about to purchase some, and the man told me to "Get out of the high rent section, and get on down to the other end of the table".

Poor picture quality, but it doesn't matter.

I opened my car door the other day and saw this on the ground. "That damn Robin", was my first thought. I knew it wasn't mine, but I didn't think she had her period either. Well, how would I really know? What with her going through menopause and everything, her periods aren't exactly regular. (She is going to be so pissed when she reads that!) How did it get out here? Maybe it fell out of the thrash. I should pick it up. Eh. She can do it.

Later, Iris and Robin and I came home from somewhere and when we got out of the car, I saw it again. "Look at that! Is it yours? That's disgusting."

Of course, Iris had to come see what I was talking about.

She looked at me as though I was insane. Cocked head, squinty eyes.

It was a shriveled up flower that had fallen off the rose of sharon bush.

Dear God ~ Please stop this runaway train I'm on.

I am in serious danger of turning in to a redneck. Serious danger.

This has been my day so far...

Talked to my mom for 45 minutes (that was the highlight).

Showered and cashed my last paycheck from Miami. "CASHED" it, not "deposited" it.

Then we...we...pawned a gun. Yes we had a gun. And yes we pawned it. I have no idea what Robin paid for it, but it must have been a lot. The pawn man (actually, a very nice good ole boy - I can see where country boys have a certain charm) offered her $150.00 for it. I almost fell over. I would have been happy with $20.00.

Hit CVS ~ they're having a BOGO on my special water. Bought so many, the manager had to carry them out for me. Spent $9.60.

At around 10:30, Robin announced she was hungry and wanted breakfast food. A) she is never hungry, and B) she never wants breakfast food. Asked her where she wanted to go and she said "Waffle House". Oh come ooonnnnnnn. "I've never been, have you?"
Well yeah, but not that I can remember. "Waffle House" is where we'd end up at 3:00in the morning after "studying" in college. OK, maybe some in my 20's, too. And probably a little in my 30's. I ordered a BLT with no mayo and she ordered some huge breakfast, and at the last minute I couldn't resist. I threw in an order of smothered hash browns. It felt like the right thing to do. (That reminds me. I really should get that bacon out of my purse. Brought it home for the heathens.)

Half way through, she announced she didn't feel well and asked me to take her home. I did, and then made my way to, what else, Aldi's. I seem to consisently spend $41.00-$43.00.

Then I went to the liquor store for raspberry vodka. I don't think I have written anything about the liquor stores here. In Miami, there was "ABC", "Flannigan's", "Walgreens", "Total Wine", and a whole bunch of mom and pop liquor stores. Even the some of the grocery stores like "Winn-Dixie" and "Publix" sold alcohol. "Costco" sold it and so did some of the "BJ's" and "Sam's". I like the Smirnoff Raspberry Vodka. (For those who have read my blog for a long time, yes, I still drink, but not nearly as much as I used to. And I foresee even less drinking in my future - see below.)

Here? Here there is "ABC". Period. Oh, there's more than one "ABC", but they are few and far between and very secluded. I am so not kidding. They are literally off the beaten path. I've been to a few of them (the closest one does not carry the raspberry flavor, despite my requests), and I have never seen another woman in any of the stores. I feel like Hester Prynne when I walk in to one of them. When I first got here, we unknowingly went to a wine store. I walked in and saw that they only sold wine. I asked the man where I could buy vodka. I swear to you this was his response, "No ma'am. We don't sell that here, but I'll tell you where you can get the stuff. (The stuff? I wasn't looking for crack.) Go out here, take a left, right between the McDonald's and the Ramada, there's a little road. Take that road and at the end of the hill is an "ABC". Tell 'em Rich sent you". Thanks, Rich.

I've never exactly been proud of my drinking, but I've never actually felt dirty when buying "the stuff".

So it's now about 2:00. I've pawned a gun, eaten at "Waffle House" and slithered in and out of "ABC". Oh! I almost forgot! There is a gourmet restaurant at the end of my street (actually it's a road), that isn't exactly a restaurant. They prepare food for you to take home and heat up. They had a huge "HELP WANTED" sign out front. I swung by there on my way home. I need a lil sumpin sumpin until my dog sitting service sky rockets. I like to cook! This might be perfect! As I appraoch, I see the hours are 10:30 - 6:30. Not bad. I can leave for work at 10:29 and be home at 6:31. I walked in, all smiles and confindence, "Hi! I saw your 'help wanted' sign out front. What type of position do you have available?"

"Dishwasher".

Time to go skin a squirrel for supper.

I haven't felt well since yesterday.

And I think I have narrowed down the some of the reasons as to why.

We picked Iris and Joe up from the airport yesterday. That's not why I don't feel well. I don't mind having them home. I actually like it. I didn't realize that I like having them nearby until my mother said something like, "Do you miss Iris and Joe?" "Um. NO?" "Why not? What if something happens? Wouldn't it be nice if they were there?" Guess that depends on what "something" is.

The reason I don't feel well may be because we got caught in the rain Saturday night. It also may be because of the conversions that took place at the airport, at lunch, the ride home, and the short amount of time we spent at their house after.

Like good daughters, we parked the car and went inside to wait for them at the gate. I'm sure if it was my parents, Robin would be like, "Let's slow down just enough for them to hop in". Iris was very funny and ran to Robin and they hugged each other like they hadn't seen each other in years. Not five days. Then Joe came along. They have taken us to a cafeteria restaurant near the airport called J and S. Robin and I actually like it a lot. He came through the gate saying, "J and S. J and S. J and S". I thought he was saying, "Janice. Janice. Janice". Janice is my ex, so I asked Joe, "What about her? What about Janice?"

"J and S. Ve take to you there for lunch. J and S."

Ohhhhh. J and S. My bad.

Other than Iris saying how good the shrimpSSS were, lunch conversation wasn't too bad. Probably cuz we were eating.

I know the area now. Joe knows I know. He compliments my driving and my good sense of direction. Robin can't even find her way to their house. The only place she goes on her own is to get cigarettes. Although he knows I know where I'm going, he cannot help himself. It's not so much the, "Turn vight up here". It's the slowly raised boney ass finger that goes with the verbal direction. I can't stand it. One of these days, I'm gonna bite that finger off.

Joe asked about my parents. He always does. So does Iris. "How's Kay and Nelson? Vhat they up to?"

"They're good. They had friends over last night and had a clam bake".

Iris then chimed in from the backseat and said something about the oysters in New Orleans, and how Gary (Robin's brother) used to love them. Iris and Robin were chatting amongst themselves and Joe leaned in close to me and said, "Oysters make you horny".

I'm thinking twice about biting on his finger now.

Robin has had a really bad back lately, but she says Advil makes her sick and she refuses to take anything else. On the way to drop them off, she was complaining about it and Iris said, "Come inside. I'll give you some Anacin (Anacin? Really?) and a heating pad".

Crap. We have to go in.

I stopped the car and they all hopped out and walked toward the front door while the son in law (that would be me these days ~ they're old and Robin has a bad back) got their luggage out. As I schlepped the heavy bag, I saw Robin show her mother where her back hurts. She put her hands on her LOW back and said, "Right here. Near the lungs".

Now I know better than anyone how much Robin smokes and what condition her lungs must be in. But still, in her low back? Do lungs turn black and relocate?

In the house we go and Joe asked, "Ivis? Did anyone call?" "How would I know, Joe? Check the machine". So before Robin could get her Anacin and heating pad, we had to listen to the messages. Funny. They were all sent "Sunday. 12 o'clock a.m.". One was a wrong number from Janie. And the other was from an Iris declared yenta.

Iris brought Robin the Anacin and a glass of water. "The water's too cold". Robin hates cold water. Joe said, "Here - you vant me to heat it up for you?" He looked at me and vinked. He vas kidding.

On to the heating pad. Iris had to read outloud the entire set of directions. Robin asked what disgusting body parts of theirs it had been on. Iris said that a while back Joe had suffered from schmekeitis and he had to keep it on his schmeke every day. If you don't know what a schmeke is, girls don't have them.

Just reliving everything makes me want an Anacin.

So long, Law Law Land!!

Hellloooo, World o' Art!!!

My new diet strategy - starvin' artist.

I may actually lose some weight!

(FYI ~~ 1st attempt - we are not done.)

Again with the Aldi's

I was going on and on to my mother about Aldi's this morning. Their coffee is very good (and cheap). Told her I bought their toilet paper and that that is the only thing thus far that I probably won't buy again. It's not awful, just not great. I told her I am a bit picky when it comes to paper products.

Her response? "Why? Your ass doesn't give a shit."

Um. Yes, it actually does.

AWWWW!!!!

Today we drove Iris and Joe to the airport. They're going to Iris' cousin's gradaughter's bat mitzvah. My mom happened to call my cell on the way. Iris wanted to talk to her and the first thing she said was something like, "Having the girls here just lights up our lives".

Then they chatted some more, told each other they loved each other and hung up.

How lucky are we?

Wait a second! Are those ... are those praying Jesus hands?

Look at the smudge on the wall under Brady's paw. I noticed it this morning.

Now how do I get it from my wall to e-bay?

Job search - check.

Since I pick on Robin so much here,

I will confess something. I fell in love this morning.

Backing up a few weeks...when we were here visiting, Iris took us to an atrocious grocery store. Barbaric. I even took a picture of the mountain folk in the store. It's called "Aldi". If you want a cart, you have to put a quarter in the lock on the cart. If you return the cart, you get your quarter back. You must bring you own bags. And those groceries don't jump in those home brought bags, either. I even made fun of the store to my family and one of my brothers told me it's a great store and he loves shopping there. Huh? Aldi's? ALLLLDI'S?

Well, I fell in love with Aldi today. Robin loves spaghetti. Her mother made some when we were staying with them. Robin thought it was the best sauced she ever had. (It wasn't bad, but I much prefer mine.) Money is super tight right now and spaghetti is cheap. Yesterday, when Iris and Joe were here so Joe could fix the toilet that wasn't broken, (Robin didn't know you're supposed to put the plastic shower curtain inside the shower. Did she really go to law school? Really?) Robin mentioned craving spaghetti. Iris asked if we'd been to "Aldi". "Not yet" we said but were both thinking "Hell no".

"You should go", said bossy Iris.

Silence.

Robin is a good daughter. She honestly is. And she behaves for her mother. That sounds funny, but she really does do what her mother tells her to. She had a blister on her thumb yesterday from doing something. This morning, the phone rang at 8:00. From the other room, I yelled, "Who was that?"

"It was my mother."

"It's 8:00! Why is she calling so early? Everything OK?"

"Yeah. She just called to tell me to put Neosporin on my thumb."

Jesus.

Next thing I heard was Robin in the bathroom, rifling through the cabinet looking for the Neosporin.

So because Iris said, "You should go", guess where we went.

As we approached the store, Robin asked me for a quarter. Again with the Jesus.

Then we got in there and I noticed an older nicely dressed lady. Saw a pretty young woman with an adorable (and clean) little girl. There was an old preppy looking cute man. I let my guard down a little and noticed that the store was actually not just clean and organized, but very clean and organized.

I won't bore you with the details, but this store is CHEAP! Let me just tell you that we got 26 items for $43.26. I am looking at the receipt. I have at least four dinners planned from what we got today. I have been talking about it all day. Oh yeah! My special water!!! (Not vodka, thank you.) I was spending $1.00 per bottle in FL on sparkling water. When we first got here and I really started watching money, I went to the "Dollar Store" for cleaning supplies. I was so happy (then) to get my special water at .66 per bottle. Guess how much it is at "Aldi". FIFTY FIVE CENTS!

(I won't risk the dog food there. Not yet anyway. We had to go across the street for that. Buy one get one free dog food, and we still spent $38+ on pet food and supplies.)

Back to Aldi. We had one bag with us. Afterall, I thought we were just going in for a jar of sauce. Almost filled the cart. No worries. They would have bags in the, uh, bag it yourself section. No bags. I saw a box. Opened it - full of tools. Guess it would have been rude to dump them out. So the only not pleasant part of the shopping experience was stuffing my purse with the things we could, then figuring out what to do with the rest. We left it all in the cart. Robin took the one bag and my purse to the car and told me to go return the cart and get my quarter back. Not thinking, that's what I did. I was on such a shopping high, it didn't occur to me to wheel the cart to the car, unload, then return it. No. I needed my quarter back now. So I struggled to get a frozen pizza, a frozen whole chicken, a 12 pack of soda and three litters of special water out of the cart AS I tried to get the quarter back. It was quite tricky. Kinda like shutting the electric garage door from inside when you need to be outside. Did that the other day, a few times. This garage is much bigger than what I am used to.

Got my quarter back and Robin came to help me with the rest. The frozen chicken was stuck to my arm like that kid's tongue in that Christmas movie. Maybe I'll put some Neosporin on it.

This mountain air is really affecting Robin.

I went in to the kitchen yesterday and noticed that Robin had gotten out her good camera.

I asked her if she had taken pictures.

"Yes! I was outside a little while ago and saw the cutest little bunnies that you've ever seen!!"

"Really?! In our yard? Did you get a good shot? Lemme see!"

Looked at her camera and saw two SQUIRRELS.

"These are not rabbits. They're squirrels. Exactly like the ones we had in Florida."

"Oh."

"You're an idiot."

"But I'm your idiot."

Sections of the basement/dog track

Better Idel? :)

BTW, how was the schmear?

OMG! THE LAST TIME I PREPARED A RESUME I WAS 24 YEARS OLD!!

Where have the years gone? I feel like I'm recently divorced and have to put myself out there again.

It's now time for the serious job search. I need to prepare a resume. We walked in to a trendy dog boutique the other day and I asked if they're hiring. Was told she needs my resume. OK. Miss 23 year old needs to know my work experience in order to determine whether or not I'm equipped to sell homemade dog cookies and collars?

This is going to be more difficult than I'd thought. I know it's a bad time to look for a job. I'm not an idiot (shut up). But all of that aside? I don't think I have actaully done a resume since I got my first insurance job in 1989. After that, it was all about who I knew and which insurance companies were willing to pay me more money. Then I moved to Miami in 2003 and because of all those years of being a workers' compensation adjuster, the defense attorneys already knew me. No resume necessary. (That was totally NOT a pat on my own back, believe me).

I have applied for a few jobs online and have escaped the need for a resume. The fact that I am sitting here typing this is proof that I'm still waiting to hear back from them. I just found a website for "free" resume services. Got half way through it, and of course, it wasn't free. So just now I put a Facebook request out there to see if anyone can recommend a truly free service.

Things have so changed since I last had to look for work. Everything is so electronic. Like right now, I am dying to email my resume to a job that I found in the paper this morning. When Robin wanted to get a daily paper, I thought she was doing it for her mother's sake (Iris told her to), but actually it's not a bad thing. Haven't seen this particular job online anywhere.

Plus, regarding the newspaper. It was Iris who found this house for us - in the newspaper. Robin turned her nose up at it, but here we are. Guess everything isn't so electronic afterall.

Yay! My friend just told me where to go. For the resume. Thanks, Denise!!!

Thanks, Debra!

I fixed that annoying thing in the middle of my screen. While I was at it, I decided to change my background. Since we now live in Apple Country, I thought apples would be appropriate.

Too bad these are cherries.

May I have your attention please?

It has been brought to my attention that "cockpit" is one word.

Robin does not have a cock pit. That I'm aware of.

To be clear, Robin does not have a pit of cocks.

Thank you very much.

Storage, Sweet Storage!!!!

Where have you been all my life?

My desk area and Robin's cock pit.

Alix - I need you!!! Look at those wires! She says she's gonna fix it. Notice how clean my desk is!

Mom - notice the screen saver. No, I didn't put that up just for this.

Glamour Shot!!!

I mistakenly (duh) took this, but thought you all would enjoy a picture of the inside of my nose, my lack of make up and dark roots.

You're very welcome.

Master Bedroom

The drapes came with the house. Isn't it uncanny how well they match the comforter? See the blue pillow looking thing with a white cloth? That's Robin's blankie. Can't sleep without it. See the multi colored pillow thing with black duct tape? That's my mogu. I can't sleep without it. BTW, we do have pillow shams, but we haven't gotten to that box yet.

Guest Room

Doesn't the bed look comfy and inviting??

Dog Room!!!

Will make Robin take time outs in there when she misbehaves.

My favorite painting

And Baxter Meatball Frasier in my chair. (Didn't realize how dark this turned out.)

Free thift store table

Garage sales chairs, church sale runner and centerpiece. Spent $22 on the entire thing.

Buddy George Clooney Frasier

Sitting on his new perch. He's always been a sun worshipper just like me. He wins the tanning competitions on a regular basis.

Goooooing to the Temple and I'm Not Gonna Wear a Beanie

(That was supposed to be sung to the "Going to the Chapel and I'm Gonna Get Married" song.)

This is our second Friday night in NC. I think that means that last Friday night was the last Friday night that will be our own, until the Friday before Thanksgiving. Iris and Joe always go back to Florida right before Thanksgiving.

I should have appreciated last Friday night. Savored it. Lived in the moment.

Why? Because tonight ... tonight we go to temple. Temple with Iris and Joe.

I am a little stressed as what to wear. All my clothes seem to be pink, white, or pink and white. That somehow doesn't seem temple-esque. I picked up a pair of black pants at a thrift store today ($1.00). They don't fit. Oy.

Robin is of no help. "Wear whatever you want". Gee thanks.

And another thing. Temple starts at 7:00. Iris and Joe want us to eat Shabbos dinner with them first. That's fine, but they want us there at 4:30. FOUR THIRTY!

I asked Robin what it's like. She said it's like church without all the standing up and sitting down.

I hope there isn't any of that "introduce yourself to a stranger" stuff. And I don't want to kiss or hug anyone either. I hate that crap. I am not an affectionate person by nature and playing touchy feely smoochy woochy games with strangers is not my idea of how to spend a Friday night. Not any more, anyway.

Breathing out!

July was probably the busiest month of my life. We found a fabulous house in NC, went back to Miami, packed, had a garage sale, packed some more, and moved up here. Have been here for a week and a day. We're still unpacking, but things are looking good. The "guestroom" has always been and continues to be my nemesis. My clothes are in large garbage bags just thrown in the room. I have put away several bagfuls (see next paragraph), but you would never know it. Many people have threatened, I mean said, they're going to visit. Until I feel the stress, I mean excitement, of an impending visitor, I suppose the guestroom will remain as is.

This house is awesome! I am currently in my favorite room, the finished basement. I am not used to so much room! There is a room between the basement and the garage that is perfect for all my holiday decorations and luggage. I have also declared it a place to store my between sizes clothes, of which there are plenty (see above paragraph). I have filled two huge purple bins with clothes that don't (right now~ but will soon) fit me.

We have three bedrooms. A normal couple would use the third bedroom as an office. Not us. It's a dog room. I love it! I have all kinds of dog chotchkies and pictures. (And dogs too.) We put their crates in there and they love it too! They're all doing super well. They love to run up and down the stairs. Idiots.

Another favorite area is a closet off the kitchen that is perfect for storing all kinds of kitchen things that aren't used every day...quesadilla maker, weffle maker, panini maker. You get the drift.

We've had fun this week getting settled in. Have had Iris and Joe over for dinner twice. Tomorrow night we are going over to their house for Shabbos dinner and then to "temple". That'll be a first for me.

Today we went to nearby Lake Lure and sat on the beach. No shells, but the mountain view is gorgeous.

Oh and somewhere along the line Robin went from 49 to 79. She is making jellies and cutting out newspaper articles. She literally taped an upcoming iris sale at a church article to the refrigerator.