Not that I feel that I am now (or ever) going through hell, but...
I'm so glad I didn't get my hopes up for that second shift minimum wage job I interviewed for yesterday. Especially since they haven't called me back. Was planning on quitting immediately upon being offered the position. Think I was fired before I was hired. That's comforting and good for self esteem.
Yesterday sucked. Rainy and gloomy. Normally I like rainy and gloomy. Guess not so much when I feel gloomy myself. Had car issues followed by a 30 (OK - possibly just ten - or five) minute lecture from Iris on the things Robin needs to be doing. She needs an oil change, she needs to go to the eye doctor, she needs to take a calcium supplement, she needs to quit smoking, etc. etc. etc. Finally had to tell her she was singing to the choir. Or preaching. Whatever. She was doing something to the choir and I didn't like it. Then there was the aforementioned (such a paralegal word) job interview. But then my car didn't need anything done to it and after I got home and was snug in my house, I was OK. Then there was the issue of dealing with Maxx. Robin is out of town and Maxx is my stepdog. He hates my guts. He growls at me until he chokes. Robin finds it so cute. I, on the other hand, do not find it cute and imagine him lunging at my face and attacking me like that monkey did. (Not that I've ever been personally attacked by a monkey. A lady was once. Somewhere.) But he was actually good. Took his meds and ate dinner without incident.
Settled in and could not avoid the tragedy of 12/14/12. Obviously it's all over the news and everyone feels horrible. So I got excited about having taped something the night before. Tuned in. There was the president talking about it. Fast forwarded it and enjoyed the show (SURVIVOR) as well as the outcome.
Meanwhile, I had six friends call to check on me. I'm a lucky gal. The day started off ickilly, but ended sweetly.
Today started off much differently. Woke up to sunshine and a very nice encouraging FB post from a childhood friend whose intelligence I have always respected. (Thanks, Michelle!)
Had to run some errands, including the post office and Walmart. Was dreading both and was pleasantly surprised with each experience.
But the tragedy snuck back in. Someone said that just like after 9/11, this country will never be the same. If I, a mother of all things furry but not human, feel this way, I can only imagine how mothers of little people (not midgets - the other kind) must feel. I am thankful to never have had that "ticking clock - OMG - I've GOT to have a baby" feeling. Not sure my nerves could take it nowadays.
On the flip side, I have huge compassion for families who have mentally ill members. When I worked at the grocery store after first moving here, there was a bagger who obviously wasn't right in the head. I see him all the time now wandering the streets. In fact, when I walked out of the post office he was walking down the street, and then I saw him again driving home from Walmart. I could not help but think, "Is he the next shooter?" I feel a little guilty about thinking that, but aren't we all going to look at everyone a little bit differently? Especially those who are a little bit different? Is it twisted of me to think that maybe it's good that the recent shooter's own mother isn't here to deal with what her son did? How would one even begin to start to cope with that?
Eventually the healing process will kick in and most people will go on with their lives. But there are 26, no, make that 27, families who really need all the love and light in the world to just get through the next minute.
So I'm gonna keep this in mind next time my car won't start. Or I see it's Iris calling. Things could always be worse.
Crap. Now I have to go put all this Walmart stuff away.
