Are you kidding me?

I went to therapy yesterday. Contrary to the "Go to an AA meeting" lecture, we actually discussed the history of my drinking. She wants me to write down when I first started drinking, how it made me feel, why I kept doing it, and to dig up and write down all the feelings (the good, bad, funny and sad) that I can.

I have a week to do this.

I started drinking at age 11. I am soon to be 44. That's 33 years of drinking. I think I'll summarize. What is astonishing to me is this - I actually can remember my first drink. 33 years doesn't seem thaaat long ago. The scarey part is 33 years from nooow...I'll be 77 years old!!

2009 Off to a Not so Fine Start

2009 has not, so far, been the year that I was hoping for. Rather than bore you with all the details, I will fast forward to the problem at hand, no pun intended. Robin broke her right (dominant) hand the other day. She's in a cast up to her elbow, is in a lot of pain, and therefore, I have developed a pain myself. Right in my a$$. Just kidding. Thank goodness for pain killers and Nyquil. And that's just for me!

So in an attempt to get out of the house and do a little retail therapy yesterday, we went to my new favorite place...TJ Maxx. We returned home to the above pictured scenario. I had a lap top lap thingy with a hard top surface. The soft bottom was full of 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 little balls. Said balls are now all over my house. It's impossible to get them all up. Once you get close to get up a pile, they becoming staticky (that's not right) and laugh in your face. It's a shame this hadn't happened two months ago. I'd totally act like it was a Christmas decoration.

Notice Bodi's guilty face in the picture!

Anywho - my not drinking is going well. Out of 42 days, I spent 30 of them alcohol free. That computes to 5/7 days. Not too bad for a gal who is used to inebriating herself on a nightly basis. I still have a way to go, but considering the circumstance of the past few weeks, I'm actually happy with myself.

What a cutie, right?

Photobucket Album

Any tanorexics in the HOOW-SE?

Tanaholics?

If so, and you're around my age, thirty-thirteen, then perhaps you recall the "Even-Up" reflective tanning blanket from the good old days, before they started saying stupid things like the sun causes skin cancer and pre-mature aging.

Well, here is my version. Just find an old piece of scrap metal lying around, grab a beach chair and position yourself accordingly.

Enjoy!

PS: Be careful not to confuse my body with the body pictured below - I'm the one without the sushi - just for clarification.

See this picture?

Think things like that only happen in movies and "Sex and the City"? (That was a little joke. I am fully aware that "Sex and the City" is a movie. A documentary on the lives of four friends, but a movie just the same).

The answer is no...Robin and I have actually been cordially invited to a party tomorrow night. It was a voicemail invitation from one her clients, who happens to be a semi-famous photographer. The invitation went something like this...

"Hi Robin, it's so and so. Look, I'm having an impromptu party Sunday night for the Grammys. Hope you and your partner can make it. Oh and by the way, we'll be serving sushi form naked models' bodies. Hope to see you there!"

OK...when Robin told me about the party, she left out the sushi from naked bodies part. Of course, my first thought was what to wear. After an hour or three of badgering, she let me hear the message.

We've both been sick with this damn headcold for a week. I have nothing to wear and don't want to spend money on something I'll probably just wear once. And that's if I could even FIND something to wear.

But cooooommmme ooooonnnn - how many times in your life are you invited to a party like this? So what if we're the sore thumbs in the crowd? As long as the sushi isn't being served from this body, who cares? (I'd be finding rice and seaweed in crevices for weeks).

Journey on the Wagon ~ Week IV

Not sure how long I can keep these Roman numerals up. Anything after the three capital I's gets a little tricky, you know.

So it's been a full three weeks. I didn't do as great this past week from abstaining from alcohol as I had been. I've been AF (alcohol free) for 16/21 days. That's really good for me, but I can do better. I drank on Christmas day and since then, I see a pattern. I seem to have gone AF-AF-Drink-AF-AF-Drink-AF-AF-Drink.

I want to do better than two steps forward and one step back. It's a new day, new week, new year. If I want to do something within my control, I certainly can.

Sung to the tune of "You're the One that I Want"

Ever since I heard the news, "You're the One that I Want" has played in my head. I changed the words to make it more about, well, me.

I got biiiiiills
They're multiplying
And they're ooout of control
Cause the money we're supplying
It just ain't flying.

We better shape up
Because we need a plan
Setting a budget makes me blue-ue-ue

We better shape up
We better understand
If we keep this up we'll soon be through

I can't buy what I want...
Boo hoo hoo Honey
I can't buy what I want
Boo hoo hoo Honey
What I need - yes I said NEED

I feel so awful...

I feel so badly for John Travolta and his family. Of course I don't know them personally or anything, but they seem like genuinely nice people - never have much, if any, negative press. The death of their teenage son seems to be the epitomy of sometimes bad things happen to good people.

May God (or the Supreme Being, as referred to in Scientology) help them through this awful awful time.

12 Hours Later...

Here I am 12 hours later after my pity party. I abstained from alcohol yesterday, ate very healthy foods and even managed to get in a workout, which is rare on a Friday AND working out of the house.

Although I rarely wake up with a "hangover", there are many perks about waking up without having drank the night before. They include having a clear head and clear eyes, remembering everything I watched on TV, and knowing darn well that there is no doubt I'll get the dreadmill in today (7/7 days, thank you). But the very best thing is knowing that when Robin wakes up this morning, I will not be blindsided by something I did or said last night. If you drink, you know what I mean. I have spent many foggy mornings having gotten up before her, waiting for her to get up. It's like waiting for the other shoe to drop. "Oh no - what did I say? What did I do? Did I even say or do anything?" Sometimes I can't answer that until she gets up and then I have to take the wait and see approach.

Not today though. No surprises, no guilt, no shame.

And I get to say 15/19 days AF!

Call me a Cry Baby, but...

It's Friday night and I want a drink, damn it. I've had a very stressful week, what with working a day and a half, and I just need to unwind.

Whoever said quitting drinking is easy is stupid. What? Nobody ever said that? Well, good, because it's not true. This totally sucks - it's like giving up your sidekick of 25 years.

A friend from the message board mentioned something like when you're trying to be alcohol free, doesn't it feel like there's nothing to look forward to? YES - that is exactly how it feels. My therapist may try to sugar coat it with words like "uncomfortable", but I assure you, this feeling is far worse than uncomfortable. I dare say, although it's not exactly torture, the feeling is closer (to me right now) to torture than uncomfortable.

OK - I'm done whining for now. Gonna go watch the clock for it to strike quarter til not too early to go to bed.

Resolutions Suck

Resolutions suck and I'm not making any this year. Besides, I'm still overweight, drink too much and spend too much, so where have the resolutions of years gone by gotten me?

Sure, there are things that I really really want to do. I'd like to lose a lot more weight, drink a lot less, and spend a lot less money. The drinking less and losing weight will go hand in hand, so that's not a problem. Spending less money should take care of itself, too, because I am officially in charge of our (ahem) budget. I'm a decent worker outter, so there's nothing to promise there. I could promise to eat out less and cook at home more, but that's covered under losing weight and spending less money.

Basically, I'm gonna keep doing what I've been doing for the past few weeks and things will fall into place. But that's not a promise or a resolution - just saying.

~Happy New Year!~