You are forbidden to go...

Tomorrow Robin and I are going camping somewhere in Central Florida. We're going with Alex, her dad and his friend, both of whom are Miami cops, and her cousin, Michael. We know and love Micheal, but have never met her dad or his friend. They are avid campers and hunters (we're going for the camping (not the hunting) and bringing our own hamburgers (and cheese - duh) and hot dogs - they eat whatever they kill). It's gonna be a new experience for us and sure to be fun.(?)

Last night Robin told Iris about the trip and she fa-reaked out. "You're going camping with people - MEN - you don't know? That's very dangerous. I don't think I'm comfortable with this".

Robin said, "Mom? Are you on crack? They're cops. We couldn't be in better hands."

Iris: "What about bears? Wild boars. No, I'm sorry. I don't like this".

Robin: "You're an idiot! What's wrong with you?"

Iris: "I'm sure Kay wouldn't approve".

Robin: "She knows, Mom. She's not a psycho".

Iris: "Kim evidently didn't tell her the truth. I'm calling Kay. I don't like this. I can see the headlines now...'Two nice city girls left for dead in the woods'. No, you're not going. I forbid you to go".

Robin is 48 and I am 43 year...Iris "forbids" us to go camping. She thinks we'll get lost and eaten by wild animals or better yet, attacked by some freaks who live in the woods. She literally called my mother last night, who was (this is scarey) the calm voice of reason.

Happy Trails!

Oh, and if Iris turns out to be right, thanks for reading my blog.

What am I, chopped liver?

We did the Humane Society walk on Saturday with Alex and her 4 month old French Mastiff, Romeo. We always take Baxter with us, too, and he looks forward to it all year. He loves to strut his stuff around the event and loves the attention of strangers. This year, unfortunately for Baxter, Romeo was the show stopper. (Baxter can't read very well yet, so I feel comfortable putting this in writing). Romeo, who admittedly is adorable, must have been stopped 100 times. He was lapping it up. I tried to keep Baxter a little bit ahead of Romeo so he wouldn't realize what was going on. He sensed it though and muttered a few things under his breath. I reassured him though that puppies are irrestable and next year we will not bring anyone who could possibly steal his thunder.

We made it up to him by taking him to a dog friendly restaurant on South Beach where he noshed on calamari and french fries. Romeo was on the other side of the table, so the Canadian family adoring Baxter didn't see him and thought Baxter was the cutest thing ever.

All's well that ends well.

Robin's birthday

Today is Robin's birthday and this necklace is what I gave her.

I showed my friend a picture of it and she said that if someone gave her that as gift, she'd break up with them immediately.

Robin loved it!

Oopsey...

Driving to work today, I heard a radio ad that spoke right to me...

"Do you drink too much? Have you tried to stop, only to fail? Do you find excuses to drink - work stress, family troubles, financial responsibilities, dogs barking (OK - total embellishment). For a free CD, guarenteed to make you quit drinking, call now. 1.800.749.4864. 1.800.749.4864. That's 1.800.749.4864".

So I called 1.800.749.4864.

"Hey there Hot Stuff. I've been waiting for your call. Are you ready for some tantilizing fun?"

Oopsey!

So I got to work and emailed the station, asking for the right number.

It's 1-800-748-4964. Close but, no cigar. Well, maybe - if you're Monica Lewinski.

So I called the right number and talked to the redneck on the other end. He read the script so well! He even gave my an atta girl for not having legal issues due to my drinking. I felt like I was in a cross between Hee Haw and Candid Camera!

After a few minutes, I pretended to choke and had to excuse myself abruptly.

Lessons learned:
1) Don't guessimate when it comes to phone numbers.
2) There are no quick fixes. (Wish I had a quarter for every diet pill I've ever tried).
3) There's no such thing as a free lunch. The advertised free CD was actually a set of 25 CD's. Didn't stick around to hear the price.

The 2nd thing I learned at the nail salon....

Lee took one look at my nails and told me that they're yellow. They're supposed to be pink and white. Not kinda pinkish/tan and off white.

It's the tanning salon. The bulbs not only tan my skin, but they evidently discolor my manicure too.

I've seen the little finger covers before at the tanning salon. Robin says they're finger condoms. I never dreamed that I would be one of the bimbos who would actually purchase and wear them.

Well, you gotta do what you gotta do, right? Beauty has a price. Today that price was $20.00. Merely $2.00 a finger to keep them nice and pretty and fresh.

The stuff you learn at the nail salon!

While getting my nails done yesterday, I learned two things. I will discuss the first thing here, and the second thing with another picture.

I've been getting my nails done by the same lady for almost five years. I never noticed that the nail stations are numbered until yesterday. I also noticed that the number four was missing. I asked Lee, who is Chinese, why there is no number four. She basically told me that the number four, in Chinese culture, is back luck, and so are all numbers with the number four in them. Especially 14.

My birthday is 4/14! When I told Lee this, she practically dropped my hand and sputtered something to herself. Then she told me that I "should" be OK since I'm not Chinese.

Roots v. Roots

As many of you know, we've decided to do the Annual Pet Walk for the Miami Humane Society. We came in second place last year, raising $1660.00. With things the way they are financially for everyone right now, I didn't want to ask for money. Then I decided what the hell? It's not like it's for me. With the foreclosure crisis, Humane Societies and animal shelters need our donations now more that ever. There are thousands of family pets being left behind every day. I can't stand to even talk about it.

So let's talk about me.

Two of my very dear friends, one, a childhood friend, and one a former boss in Jacksonville, donated very generously and each also sent a note that they're visiting South Florida in the near future, and could we get together?

Hell yeah we can get together!

I mentioned recently that I am taking a break from therapy. Those roots, the roots of all my problems (ha ha), can wait. Yipee, because now with the extra therapy money, I can get my roots roots done instead! We plan on seeing them both next week and weekend. So between now and then, I need to lose weight, get a fill in, get my roots done and tan everyday.

Good thing Robin's my boss 60% of the time! Joke. Kinda. Not really. No joke. Not funny. I'm probably gonna be fired.

Typewriter Key Bracelet

A lady who came to our garage sale had one of these bracelets on. I fell in love with it immediately. I want to order one that says "PROGRESS" (thanks, Amy).

In Weight Watchers, my favorite mantra is "Progress, not perfection". It has such meaning for me with WW and especially with drinking.

I normally set little goals for myself, like when I lose ten pounds, I'll get that new pair of jeans, or if I exercise five days this week, I'll go get that new cookbook (yes, I said cookbook). I inevitably wind up saying "screw it", and go get whatever it I think I need whenever I feel like it.

This time is gonna be different. I want to earn this one. My plan is to get my alcohol stats at 71.4%. That equates to drinking just twice a week. Right now my stats are at 36/54, which equals 66.66%, which means I'm alcohol free two outta three days. I started this on the wagon thing 54 days ago and didn't drink for 36 of the days.

Anywho, before I go off on too much more mathematical wizardy, I basically am going to only drink twice a week for four weeks in a row before I get my PROGRESS bracelet.

Meanwhile, I haven't been back to therapy since my assignment to summarize the last 3/4 (there I go again, what's with the ratios?) of my life and my relationship with alcohol. I'm almost 97.3456729826534086615% sure that I will go back. It's that other 2.6543270173465913385% that's holding me back.

How sad is it that I just spent time actually doing that math? My calculator was too small to handle all those digits, so I went online and did it, wrote the numbers down, then typed them in. Plus I had to find my glasses in order to do it all.

Do I know how to have fun on a Saturday night or what? Now, I'm off to watch tivo'd "Young and the Restless", even though I am soooo upset with friggen Nicholas Newman right now I could spit.