We spent Thanksgiving with our friends, Camille and Frank. They are vegetarians so before we accepted the invitation, we made sure there would be meat served. Once verified that turkey AND ham would be part of the festivities, we told them that we were in.
Camille had warned us that her sister is a homophobe and she was gonna be there. No big deal. What's a few hours with someone who despises someone without ever having met them? Robin kept telling Camille that we were gonna make out on the couch to embarrass her. Camille encouraged us to do so. PDA is not my style, so Camille had nothing to worry about. Her brother, John (they call him John Boy) and her mother, Margaret, were also there, visiting from Charleston. You should hear the way Camille says her mother's name...MOOOHHH-GRET...cracks us up. Camille's dad, MOOOHHHGRET's ex-husband, was there too. They warned us that MOOOHHHGRET flirted with her ex and boy howdy, did she. Was actually very cute. And last but not least, our dear friend, Marsha, was there. Marsha is a very classy older woman who is always dressed to the nines. Remember Marsha is very classy - that'll come in handy later.
The homophobic sister was fine, but John Boy was a riot. He's a big tall jackass and we hit it off with him right off the bat.
At dinner, Camille and Frank were seated across from each other at the end of the table. The sister plunked herself as far away from Robin and me as she could possibly get. Robin was across from John Boy and I was across from Marsha. No need to worry about the rest of them.
Frank and Camille recently celebrated their 44th anniversary. Suffice it to say, they have heard each other's stories. So when Frank began to tell one of his stories to those of us whom had never heard it before, Camille became aggitated. When he tells a story, he goes in to great detail, too much so for Camille. A few minutes in to his story, Camille and her brother were looking at each other. Camille put her finger up to her head, as if to shoot herself. Then she acted like she was hanging herself. Then she fake slit her wrists. If Frank saw any of this, he didn't let on. But I was watching John Boy watching Camille and he was doing his best not to laugh. I was trying to concentrate on the story, but John Boy was in my peripheral vision, so I too was trying not to laugh. This went on for what seemed like 15 minutes and finally John Boy just lost it. Frank looked him directly in the face and asked, "What the hell is so funny?"
Frank immediately blurted out, "Marsha farted!!!!"
Marsha, who had no idea what had beeen going on, looked up and said, "I most certainly did not."
At that point, John Boy and Camille got up and ran to the back porch. Little did they know we could hear them cracking up.
John Boy returned a few minutes later and apologized. And Frank picked up right where he had left off. Camille stayed on the porch, smoked a cigarette and finished her wine.
Meanwhile, the love birds, MOOOHHH-GRET and her ex, were oblivious to all that was going on.
After the dust settled and Camille returned, the conversation took a turn. What are the two things you should not talk about if you want to keep peace? Politics and religion. Guess what we talked about?
It was a very typical family Thanksgiving. And we're very thankful to have Camille and Frank in our lives.
