Seriously?

Today is my father's birthday and I called him to wish him a happy one. (Yes, Mandy, you beat me to it).

About three minutes in to the conversation, he told me to hold on. He had another call. While I was holding and subsequently cut off, I told Robin, "Oh my God. My father is doing it too".

At least twice a week, my mother does the same thing to me.

So my father called me back and we finished our conversation. Meanwhile, my mom had called with a Facebook question. Another at least twice a week occurrence. I started to tell her how my dad put me on hold, and just as I started to do so...you guessed it. "Kim? I gotta interrupt you. I need to take this other call".

I thought it was a pretty funny joke, but she wasn't kidding! Then when she hung up with the other person, she almost peed herself laughing. Me? Not so much.

maybealittle

Card from Robin's mother ~ I love it!

Kimi Oakley

We have a psycho in the hood and it's not Robin.

We think we had a peeping tom last week and we think we know who it is. Yesterday and Friday, two other incidents happened. With Robin having 47 lawsuits going at any given time against the Biscayne Park (where we live in Miami) Police Department, we decided we may be better off not calling them. (No worries - the City of North Miami Beach is right up the street and now their number is programmed in to my phone).

Today we went to the shooting range. Robin's been before and is scarily good. For a fist timer, I didn't do too badly myself. I even got a hole in one! I mean a bullseye. For those who have never shot before, it's not as easy as it looks.

Robin went on and on about how well I did. It may be true because right after, she insisted on taking me to one of my favorites places for lunch that she hates. Then she insisted we go to Target. Then she wanted to wait while I tanned. Then she asked if I need anything from the liquor store.

I think she's totally kissing up. She's gonna start living in fear. I think I'll get a holster and start walking bowlegged as a constant reminder that she needs to watch it.

Too bads the dogs didn't see me.

Florida Santas!

You really need to click on the picture to get the full effect.

Check out the Santa in the speedo...must be gay Santa.

I like the lower left corner. I could say I did that on purpose to be artsy, but I won't cuz I didn't.

Happy Hanukkah!!!!

This is a picture of traditional Hanukkah food. I have no idea what it is, but I'm sure it's good. Unless it's gefilta fish. Or liver.

Sent Robin an email asking her what we're doing for Hanukkah dinner.

Jerk. Not as in "Robin is a jerk", but jerk as in Jamaican food.

We're gonna have friggen curried chicken and peas (really means beans)and rice for Hanukkah??!

Oh! Just as I was writing this, she called! Has a headache and doesn't feel like going to get jerk, can we order out?

Hell to the yeah!!

My favorite deli is "Mo's" in North Miami Beach and they deliver!! (May not be open tonight now that I think about it). Sure hope they are, cuz now I'm jonesing for a BLT. (To those of you who aren't famaliar with the Jewish culture, that was a joke because Jewish people don't eat bacon).

Glad to be at work today.

Ever since we bought the house in June of 2006, we've known that we wanted to put an awning over the back of the house. It's where our office is, is mostly glass, and it faces west. The hot Florida sun makes that room very warm (damn hot) in the afternoon.

About a month ago, we got a couple of estimates for the awning. The first estimate came from a guy with a lazy eye and a very thick accent. I guess it was Italian. It definately wasn't Spanish and I don't think it was French. He was tall, dark and handsome - minus the lazy eye. He came across as a little bit cheesy. We didn't go with him. Mostly because I had no idea what he said.

Someone else came by and must have been totally forgettable because I totally forgot about him.

Then came "Tropical". "Tropical Awnings"!! We discussed things and signed them up. Gave them half the money up front. Then we didn't hear from them for a while. Then it was Thanksgiving. They showed up yesterday at 3:00 p.m. Did the metal part, frame, I think is what it's called. Supposed to be back at 8:00 this morning. As of right now, 2:00, they haven't gotten there. Robin says she's been calling all day. No answer/no machine.

Just got an email from her. She doesn't have much of a temper. She's kinda scrappy, but when push comes to shove, not so much (except for in her work. She'll read this at some point, and I need to back peddle slightly). Her email said something about becoming effing pissed off and something about going postal.

So, yeah, I'm happy to be here right now and not there.

Dog are so smart...

I'm pretty sure we have a peeping tom (more about that another time).

Robin just left for a couple of hours and the dogs are plopped in front of the door. They never configure themselves like this and I swear I think they think they're protecting me!!

Dear Santa ~~

This is Baxter Hellman Frasier. If I PROMISE to never chew up another dog bed, will you PLEASE bring me a new bed just for myself? Bodi and Brady play tug of war with them, and Buddy always hogs my time. Buddy also chews on them when my mommies come through the door. I don't blame him though; he gets that from Bailey. Oh, and Maxx likes to pee on them.

I really feel that I am the best behaved dog in the house. The fact that Mommy Robin tripped over me and broke her foot was not my fault. Santa, if you're watching this house, you know how clumsy she is.

Speaking of watching this house, you know how good Mommy Kim has been this year. (She gave me a bone to tell you that. We both know the truth).

Love always (especially this time of year),
BHF

AND!!!! We're up to TEN.

According to the urban dictionary,

HORNDOG - not to be confused with corndog, a horndog is someone who desperately would like you in his/her pants. (yes, us girls can be horndogs too) horndogs tend to forget their natural surroundings because they are so horny they'll do anything to get inside you. The horndog is a mighty creature that will stop at nothing to "f" you, i gues is really what i'm really tryig to say. Now go out there and find yourself some condoms you naughty children !
girl - "ooo...someone took his viagra today."
guy - "just call me a horndog !" =D


As the Tiger Woods story continues to evolve and escalate, more and more and more (and more) women who aren't named Mrs. Woods have come into the fray claiming they've had affairs with the golf great. Last week there were three. But now, at least four (and maybe more) women have been thrown into the mix, some by their own admission and others by tabloid sources. It can be quite confusing -- so many mistresses, so little time -- so PopEater took the time to break down each alleged Tiger poacher and the stories swirling around them.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A nice visual

I just made a pot of chili. I always cry when cutting onions and today was not an exception. I cut up a little orange pepper from Robin's (ahem) garden and I literally could smell the heat when I cut it open.

Backing up. I went through a pottery painting phase about ten years ago. The only thing I have left is a dog bowl for Buddy. It has broken in three pieces several times and I always glue it back together. I'm superstitious about it ~ as long as I can save the bowl, I'll have my Buddy. So it fell apart again last night and I had it on the counter to use my hot glue gun on it. After decorating that wreath, I now know that that kind of glue is practically indestructable. Robin didn't realize my plan and used Gorilla Glue on it. She must have used the entire bottle because it was all over the counter and it didn't hold the bowl together. I tried to wash it off the bowl and in the process, I got it all over my hands. I washed and washed and it wouldn't come off. So my hands were sticky to say the least.

Back to story. Once everything was chopped and opened and cooked for the chili, I tossed it all in the crockpot. This "should" prevent Brady from helping himself. I came to my computer to check Facebook (of course - God forbid I miss something), and I was still crying from the onions. Absent mindedly, I rubbed my eyes with my hands that were still covered in Gorilla Glue AND very hot pepper juice. Then I had to go to the bathroom. I couldn't even open my eyes, they were stinging so badly. I felt like my eyebrows were on fire. My entire face was burning and stinging, plus I was still crying. What a friggen mess! I felt like a train wreck. I had no option but to call for Robin. There I was seated on the toilet, crying like a little bitch, with flames practically flying out of my face.

Somehow when your entire face is on fire, sticky hands don't seem so annoying.

(This whole thing happened over two hours ago and my face is still stinging.)

Christmas Decorated Cheaply!

Everything in these pictures was bought at a flea market or garage sale. I made the wreath out of broken or bruised discarded (almost, until I saved them) ornaments.

But my favorite part, and it was totally free, is the square "frame" around the wreath. It is dust from a picture that normally hangs there. I took my Oreck XL to it, but it seems like I may need the Magic Eraser for this one. I actually like it, though. I think it adds a subtle, yet sophisticated, touch.

Ho ho ho.

I am so lucky.

On our way to class yesterday, I noticed Robin's jeans were filthy. I said something to her about it and she was like, "Yeah. I got them out of the hamper. I didn't notice. Looks like mustard". It was more like mustard, dog paw prints, cigarette ashes and a few leaves.

Robin has 147 pairs of jeans. Unlike me, all her clothes fit her at all times. So she has 147 pairs of jeans to choose from on any given day. Why she dragged these out of the hamper, I really don't know.

We were sitting in class and I saw something out of the corner of my eye around Robin's ankle. My eyesight is rapidly declining and I am learning that I really can't see like I could even two months ago. I'm wearing drug store glasses for now, but one of these days, I'm gonna go to the eye doctor. Right after my mammogram.

So I pushed my $19.95 glasses from the end of my nose back to eyes and bent down for a closer look.

Oh HELL no.

I couldn't believe it. Even for her, this was too much.

Apparently, when she put on her filthy jeans, she didn't have HER glasses on and failed to notice that they came with a freebie...a nice pair of dirty underwear. So around her ankle like a new fashion statement was a pair of navy blue with pink polka dots underwear that had 'Sunday' written on them.

I brought it to her attention and she nonchallantly pulled them off and tossed them in her purse. No big deal. Like it was a pack of gum. She didn't even close her purse.

I know it's natural to second guess one's self about the choices one makes every now and then. Define now and then. I seem to do it a lot.

I have a new favorite Jewish food.

Knish** (see below)

I cannot believe Robin has not told me about these before.

I don't have a picture of my knish, probably because I inhaled it too quickly, but I did want to share with you a picture of the restaurant where I met my first knish. Notice all the walkers. I guess you can tell the quality of a good deli by the number of old people who frequent it. By the number of these walkers (more on other wall), this place should be Zagat rated.

While I had my phone/camera out, I thought I'd take a picture of my pumpernickle bagel. The way I cropped it, it looks a little (a lot actually) like Baxter's back side.

It dawned on me while we were eavesdrooping, I mean eating, why I love deli's so much. When I'm in a good one, I feel like I'm in NYC.

I love to listen in on peoples' conversations. I heard one old man say to another old man, "I don'TT know VATT is going on with my kiDDSS. They tell me, "Daddy. You neeDD to geTT a passporTTT". VATT the hell I need passporTT for?

Then there were two old ladies chatting about the price of chicken. Pennsylvannia Dutch evidently has the best price in Hollywood.

I didn't like the waitress very much at first. She won me over in the end, though, when we were paying and she came up to me to tell me what a beautiful purse I was carrying.

** A knish (pronounced /kˈnɪʃ/ — the "k" is pronounced) is a German, Eastern European, and Yiddish snack food made popular in North America by Jewish immigrants, eaten widely by Jewish and non-Jewish peoples alike. A knish consists of a filling covered with dough that is either baked, grilled, or deep fried. Knishes can be purchased from street vendors in urban areas with a large Jewish population, sometimes at a hot dog stand.

In the most traditional versions, the filling is made entirely of mashed potato, ground meat, sauerkraut, onions, kasha (buckwheat groats) or cheese. More modern varieties of fillings feature sweet potatoes, black beans, fruit, broccoli, tofu or spinach.

Many cultures have variations on baked, grilled, or fried dough-covered snacks similar to the knish: the Cornish pasty, the Scottish Bridie, the Jamaican patty, the Spanish and Latin American empanada, the Portuguese rissole, the Italian calzone, the South Asian samosa, the Russian pirozhki, and the Middle Eastern fatayer.

Knishes may be round, rectangular or square. They may be entirely covered in dough or some of the filling may peek out of the top. Sizes range from those that can be eaten in a single bite hors d'oeuvre to sandwich-sized.

I refuse to eat another turkey sandwich, but...

We attended a nine hour class today for a CAM license. Gonna be licensed to be a Community Association Manager!!! (Hold the applause, please). Doing it all again tomorrow!!!!

Now when Ida Weidenheiden calls to complain that she "lost one dollahh in the dryahh", I'll officially be licensed to say, "We will get that dollahh back to you as quickly as possible, Mrs. Weidenwhateva".

Class wasn't as bad as I thought it was gonna be though. Made friends with a very nice lady with a long story of plastic surgery gone too far. Perfect body/messed up face. She's a big time animal lover, so I like her very much.

Got home with deli food, set it on the counter, and while I was changing, Brady ate my sub.

Would ya look at this tree???

Yeah, well. It's not mine. (However, if you look closely, you can see that it's a "Frasier Fir". Wink wink. Not going there.)

Anywho...every year I look forward to my tree. I love it! But at this very second, I am wondering why. It's truly a pain in the ass to get it up and keep it up. (For some reason I am seeing a Viagra commercial in my mind - like a cartoon bubble over my shoulder.) We got the tree on Saturday and I am just now getting around to decorating it. I thought this year was gonna be different. We got it up with little trouble and it was perfect. We had dinner plans Saturday night and we were at the Miami Herald Hunt all day yesterday. The tree withstood dog stares and sniffs and I'm quite sure that friggen Maxx lifted his scrawny little leg on it. But the tree has stood tall.

I have to go to Ivette's (job)tomorrow, so I wanted the tree done tonight. Wanted to do it without bugging Robin, so I attempted to get the bins out of the garage (which, BTW, looks as awful as ever, even though we cleaned it out less then two months ago). A bunch of stuff tipped over, some of which was a box of tools. Made a horrific noise, that Robin had to have heard. I expected her to coming running, "Oh my God! Kim! Are you OK?"

Crickets.

Then on the first attempt of putting the lights on it, the damn thing tipped over. In trying to save the day, I bent back (ouch!) and broke a nail. It's red so I'm gonna drill a tiny little hole in it, put it on a gold ribbon, and give it to my mother as a Christmas present/ornament. May make this a tradition. How cute would that be?

After I screamed, "ROOOBBBIINN", she finally came to my side. We got the tree steady and then she announced (with hand on hip as she judgmentally looked around the room) that she has a "very important" client coming over tomorrow and doesn't want the house to look tacky. WTH?? Felt like saying, "You have the nerve to insinuate that I'm tacky at Christmas when you have little evil monster ass things all over the place all year round?" But I merely responded with an F bomb something or other and carried on.

The tree tipped over tree more times, but (fingers crossed), it's standing at the moment. Lights are on and I may or may not finish the rest of it tonight. Wouldn't want to appear tacky in front of her criminal client tomorrow.

Ahhhhhh. The holidays.

News Flash!!

I HAVE THE WORST DOGS ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET.

The two pictures I posted today were literally taken an hour apart. First the MFers tore up the dog bed when I was on the treadmill. Then they decided to help themselves to white chili while I was in the shower.

What is it the kids are saying these days? FML? Well F MY L.

Such good babies...

Just making sure Mommy has something to vacuum up.

Aw.

Helloooo Luva

I like to consider myself a clean person. I bathe everyday, brush my snags twice a day, and use an exorbitant amount of deodorant (30 swipes each side - Robin does about two and a half). I love powders and lotions and perfumes. I'll admit, I spend a lot of time in my PJ's, but they're always clean.

But.

Let's face it. I share a small house with five dogs (four of whom weigh over 60 pounds), two cats and an imp with a $25.00 per day nicotine habit (that's $9125.00 per year). I sweep twice a day and Robin sweeps a lot too. She also mops a lot - like every morning at 4:30. There is always a ton of hair and dust and ashes. (Sounds like a rock band from the 60's - "Hair, Dust, & Ashes". ) No matter what. It's out of control. We change our air filter about three times a month.

Until now. Allow me to introduce you to Oreck XL. He's a mighty little muscle full of power and suckage. And he's all mine.

So, if I disappear for a day or two or 47, you'll know where I'll be and who I'll be doing it with.

As for the picture? I was tormenting Baxter. No worries Little Baby Meatball. Oreck XL sucks like crazy, but I'm pretty sure you're safe. Now Maxx on the other hand.....

I'm so ashamed.

Ask Mommy if she's still mad at me.

Calgon (really I mean Smirnoff) take me away....

Right after I finished cleaning up the kitchen floor (see BLOG below), I did a head count and noticed Bodi was missing. She'd probably jumped the fence to play with Luna next door.

No.

She jumped the fence that backs up to the French swingers. (They're swinging elsewhere these days.) The fence is covered by trees and bushes. Somehow she was able to get over there, but not able to get back. I was in the bushes trying to coach her home while at the same time telling Robin that if I came in to contact with a rat, I was gonna kill her. (Robin, not the rat. I would never kill an animal.)

It was useless. We (Alex and I) had to get in the car and drive to their house. Their gate was locked and we had to finagle it to get it open. Robin had since jumped the fence, too, and had Bodi by her collar.

While walking around their property while they weren't there (a/k/a trespassing), it dawned on me! I was on orgy land! I felt like I nerd girl in "Swingtown", one of the best shows ever. I felt a puckered look on my face, like I had just smelled something God awful, and I do believe I was tiptoeing a little bit. I kept wondering if people had done it here or done it there. Then I saw what appeared to be a condom wrapper. Of course I had to get a closer look. It was some kind of fruity candy wrapper, but I'm sure it was sex related.

We got Bodi home and I rubbed her tummy. I think she must have hurt it a little. That fence was about five feet tall. Alex yelled at me that I should be beating her not massaging her. Oh Alex. Wait until you're a mother.

Ouch!

I cut my finger cutting an onion. Is it me, or does that look like a lot of blood? I'm feeling a little light headed.

Actually, Brady was being his usual nosey self and wanted to see what was on the counter. In the process, he knocked over a gallon of Crystal Light.

Anyone want a yellow lab with pink feet?

Some things never change...

The top one says something about what I like to do at home - play with my dogs.

The second one says that my favorite color is pink.

The third picture shows the things I'm thankful for - my family (at which time my mom was pregnant - guess I was hoping for a sister, cuz I drew a girl), a book, my bed, food, and pets.

Let's see...I drew this when I was 7. I'm now 44. Not much has changed in the past 37 years.

Secret ingredient?

I have a huge pot of homemade sketti sauce on the stove now. Between crying when cutting the onions and sneezing when drowning the sauce in pepper, you don't want to know my secrets.

Here we go. Again.

I FINALLY have a commitment (somewhat of a commitment, I should say) from some dear dear dear friends to come visit me after the holidays. The timing is finally right. One of them had kids to raise, and recently the other friend took care of her elderly grandparents. I also want Amanda Jean Bradt Harvey Frasier Skotarczak to come.

Just got an email from one of them. "Does this mean I have to start another effing diet?"

One step ahead of her. If they come Feb/March, that's gives me a GOOD three months...

Yada yada yada.....

UGH.

Woke up half dead today and it's no wonder. Almost everyone I know who I have been around has been sick on and off for the two weeks. Brady was so worried about me after I got up from a two hour nap, he charged me from another room and jumped into my lap. Then he settled in on my lap and kept me warm. Then he kept adjusting himself and his little crazy bony elbows japped me over and over. At any given time, I usually have 10 -12 bruises all over myself from these dogs. They got in a fight the other day which I broke up. I was bitten and didn't even feel it. But it drew blood and I have a bite and a dark black and blue bruise that's about two inches in diameter.

Now I'm gonna go watch The Godfather marathon. Have never seen it but always wanted to.

Before the dog park....

Robin did not want to go. Said something about rather having ice picks stuck in her eyes. Faked a stomach ache. Finally I told her she didn't have to go. "Oh, I'm going".

We finally got there...

Brady was all excited and so was I!. After arguing about her damn cell phone and cigarettes, I convinced Robin that she really could live without both of them for an hour and she left them in the car. Called my friends who lived right around the corner and told them that we were there. They'd be there in ten minutes. We're walking toward the gate and I'm sizing up the other dogs. "Brady is so much better looking", I thought. Thought? No, I knew. There's a girl with a volunteer shirt on and she approaches us. Surely she's gonna compliment Brady about his beauty (boys can be beautiful).

"Can I see his rabies tag?"

Uh oh. Shit. Sue warned me about this and I totally forgot. Have been to plenty a dog park in my day and never had to provide proof of anything.

"You'll have to go to the lady at the table". The lady at the table was very nice and everything, but when it came to letting us in, no can do. Brady and I were devastated. (Too strong. Disappointed. Very disappointed.) Robin was walking quickly toward the car because, afterall, she had been without nicotine for three and a half minutes.

Got in the car and called my friends. They had a spare rabies tag from a kitty gone to heaven and would save the day.

So they show up and we put the tag on Brady. We made it by the people whom we had just told that we live all the way in Miami and it was too far to go home and get his tag. Had they asked, the answer would have been, "Whaddya know! His other collar was in my glove box! Ta ta". But we didn't have to lie. Well, we deceived the system, but...

We get in there and Brady instantly jumps for a ball in a shallow pool. Ouch! Found the deep pools. He jumped prettily in again but this time he couldn't figure how to get himself out. We had to coach him and a man came up to me and told me how quickly his dog got in and out of the pool. Was he insinuating that his dog was smarter than mine? Oh no he dint int!! Then he patronizingly suggested that Brady hang around his dog to learn a thing or two. Just as the mother in me was about to go off, my friend came up to me and said, "Bill! Kim! I see you two have met." The jack ass was my friend's neighbor.

We spent the next hour and a half praising Brady everytime he jumped in and got out. I took pictures. Robin was having fun. Then I noticed a professional photographer who had taken an interest in Brady. She took tons of pictures of him. I was so proud. That's my beautiful boy! Patty Ramsey, mother of Jon Benette, temporarily possessed me and I went up to the photographer and asked if she thought my Brady could have a career in modeling. She basically dismissed me and went on to another dog.

A fight broke out between two dogs. Then a man and a dog. Then a man and a man. We missed it, but the park was abuzz.

After a stop at the concession stand for a "Frosty Paw", we left. Our friends took their dogs home and then met us at a dog friendly restaurant. It was very windy outside. As soon as the food was delivered a little plastic cup full of hot sauce blew straight at me and drenched my chest and left leg. White shorts. Then, my super huge soda blew over and covered my right side. And Brady. But the best part was when the waitress was clearing the table. Half of the discarded food, (salsa, sour cream, guacamole, lettuce - we were at an Irish Pub. Just kidding. Mexican. But you probably knew that) blew in to my purse. I heard the waitress apologizing, but I was engaged in another conversation, so I wasn't really paying attention. When I realized there was food in my purse was right after we got in the car and I reached for my cell phone and came up with a handful of Taco Hell. Robin was like, "Yeah. The waitress did it". Well thank you for getting it out of there. Or at least telling me. Have you ever heard of a napkin?


Then we stopped by the condominium that we manage - 197 units full of old -- let's just say "people". I stayed in the car while Robin ran in to pick up some paperwork. And pee. (Clarification - she didn't pick up pee. She peed.) As she exits the building I see two old "people" call her over. Evidently, there had been a couple of "reDDD CATipillahs by the back dorah. They haDD blacKK striiipes." They needed Robin to do something about them. Wow. Maybe she really had needed her cellphone while in the dog park. Good thing we got there when we did. Red caterpillars by the back door? With a black stripe? I shiver to think what could have been.

Got home and Brady crashed. He's wide awake now and demanding his dinner. They all are. The time change has been hell on them. Who eats dinner at 4:50? Well. Besides the old "people" in our condo? And Robin just fed them. I can stop typing now.

Happy Harve Everyone!!!

I don't like the time between Halloween and the weekend after Thanksgiving. I love my Halloween decorations and love love my Christmas decorations. The month of November is kinda blah as far as decorating. We went to Target today - the fourth time in the last five days - and got some 'tween stuff to hold me over. Got a bamboo pumpkin that looks more fall like than Halloween like and some matching lights for the porch. Very cute.

Also go these little blocks. By the time we put up the lights on the porch, Frick and Frack (Bodi and Brady, in case you can't keep up) had eaten the "S" and the "T".

So, Happy Harve! (pronounced Har-Vay)

BTW - in case you were wondering - Frick and Frack were two Swiss skaters who came to the U.S. in 1937 and joined the original Ice Follies show as comedy ice skaters. "Frick" was Werner Groebli (April 21, 1915 - April 14, 2008), born in Basel. "Frack" was Hansruedi (Hans Rudolf) Mauch, (May 4, 1919 - June 4, 1979), also born in Basel. Frick and Frack were known for skating in Alpine Lederhosen and performing eccentric tricks on ice, including the "cantilever spread-eagle," created by Groebli, and Mauch's "rubber legs," twisting and bending his legs while skating in a spread eagle position. Only a few skaters have successfully performed the duo's routines since.

Once again...

It seems like we ran errands all weekend. I'm not complaining though. I love to run errands. There's nothing quite as satisfying as having a big "to do" list and crossing the tasks off as they're completed. Well, there's lotsa stuff that's as satisfying and even moreso, but it does feel good to accomplish a long list.

Amongst the garage sales, nail appointments and tanning sessions, we went to Target both Saturday and Sunday. Made a special trip on Sunday for a new mop. I got up this morning and the new mop was destroyed. Swept it up quickly before Robin got up (or else I would have taken a picture - so sorry if you're disappointed). I know it was Bodi, but am gonna have to blame Brady. Sorry Brady, you're gonna have to take one for the team. It'll work out perfectly because I left a little bit of the evidence on the floor and Brady is now chewing on it. If I play my cards right, there will be no lying. Robin will just assume it was Brady who chewed up her new mop. Oh the deceit.

The good news is, guess who'll be going to Target for the third day in a row??!!

WTH?

So we were just in the drive thru line at my favorite place - rhymes with Mopeye's. (Shut up - tomorrow's Monday and I'm starting fresh.) While waiting I read a sticker on the window that read "Save money on your favorite chicken with just a few mouse dicks!!!!

Huh?

Oh.

Mouse CLicks.

Makes sense.

I'm sitting here admiring my new purse....

and it occurred to me...the only thing that would make this cuter is that if the strap was made out of a dog leash!!!

How cute would that be??

Treasures!

Yesterday we went to a big garage sale where all proceeds go to the Humane Society of Miami. I was thrilled to find a M.A. Hadley piggy bank. MA Hadley is a type of pottery I collect. We went back today and as Robin was paying for some crappola that she didn't need, I spotted something from afar. This purse was buried under all kinds of tote/computer/messenger bags. The only reason I noticed it was because I have two of these dogs on my front porch and it just caught my eye. I was so excited to get it and all the people were eeewwwing (ew in a good way - not like "ew" what's that smell) and aaaahhhing my find. I thought for sure applause was going to follow, but no.

I think it's a boy.

BTW, notice my teak table. Spent a lot of time this past week pressure cleaning it and sealing it. Purdy, huh?

Come out come out wherever you are.....

When I get home from work (the one day a week I actually have to go somewhere), the very first thing I always do is take off my makeup and put on my PJ's. Yesterday when I got home, Robin was on the phone. I did my thing and decided to hide on her. This is nothing new. We love to hide on each other. The guestroom was starting to look pretty good two weeks ago. Then we decided not to change the house around (ie: make the garage or mudroom in to an office - once we put the treadmill in the dining room and got our living room back, all was well in the world). Meanwhile, the guestroom is now, once again, a catch all. A junk room, if you will. The bed is stacked with clothes, purchases from the Keys (I started my Christmas shopping - yay for me), and some pictures from the walls. I arranged the clothes and pictures in such a way that I (yes, even I - thank you very much) could hide under it all without being seen.

So I hid and I waited. And waited. Jesus - who was she talking to? I was getting hot. I couldn't breathe. How old am I? Then - there it was. I heard her stomping through the house. "Honey?" "HONEY?" "HOOONNNNEYYY".

She opened the other bedroom door. Slam. Bathroom door. Slam. "HONEYYYY?".

She opened the guestroom door. I held my breath. She looked in the closet. "HONEY?"

She left the room.

I did it! I won!

However...she didn't shut the guestroom door and the dogs absolutely love it in there. They go in there every chance they get, and like little kids at a Holiday Inn, they jump up and down on the bed. It wasn't long before they sniffed me out and my gig was up. Not only was I covered by clothes and pictures and God knows what else, but I was being welcomed home by the four most adorable creatures in the world.

Then Robin realized what was going on, came in the room, called me an idiot, walked out, and SLAM.

I got up, brushed myself off and went in to the living room. "So how was your day?"

New love

I discovered turnips last night. I mean, I've had them before and knew I liked them, but I have never bought or made them before. I roasted them with them with some other vegi's, but now I can't stop thinking about getting some more and mashing them like potatoes. A little "I Can't Believe it's Not Butter" squirt butter (0 calories), salt and pepper and VOILA!!!!

You know I'll take a picture.

Traffic in Miami

Robin tells me all the time that I drive like an old lady. When we go to my mom's, I offer to drive and her response is always the same, "No. I'd like to get there today".

She wishes I drove like an old lady. On the way to work today (where I am right now, thank you), this old lady passed my at about 80 miles per hour in a 45 zone. I was in the fast lane, she came up to my right, glared at me, then sped off. Surprisingly, she did not shoot me a bird.

I detest Miami drivers. Especially Robin. Maybe I should clarify ~ I don't hate Robin. I hate the way she drives. That's no secret. I am an awful backseat driver, I know. But she's an awful driver. Period.

How sweet!

Maxx growled at me for so long this morning he made himself gag.

Spoooooookkkkkyyyyyyyyy

So far we've scared the neighbors on both sides and while we were in the Keys, a cop friend texted Robin and told her he thought someone was in out front yard and he almost pulled out his gun to shoot. Tee hee.

BTW, I'm thinking about hanging them in the guest room closet. Keep that in mind should you ever visit.

Not sure if you can see it, but there appears to be a little happy face on the bottom of the right corner. WTH? Is that a ghost?

Robin before coffee....

We're home from the Keys and had a great relaxing time. Highlights of the trip include Brady charging in to the neighbor's room while the maid was cleaning it. He found a bag of dog food and gobbled half of it down by the time I caught up to him. Then the night before we left he ran in to another room, with the people in it, and jumped on their bed and made himself at home. But I must say that the highlight of the trip was when we were in the car, I was driving, and a frog, out of nowhere, jumped on Robin's leg and she fa-reaked out!! It actually wasn't out of nowhere - we had bought a few plants from a nursery and evidently got a little more than we'd bargained for.

Mother of the Year

So I'm straightening up and getting things ready for the dogsitter when I realize that ROBIN HAS BEEN FEEDING HER DOG IN AN ASHTRAY!!!! OK, it's clean and not full of butts, butt still....

Maxx is my stepdog. We don't get along very well.

REVENGE!!

I see I haven't been here since 06/30/09. Yikes! I suppose it's no coincidence that that's right about the time that I discovered how much fun Facebooking can be. I've been called a motormouth before (ie: Robin AND Janice have paid me cash to not talk for x amount of time), so I guess there's enough room for Facebook AND my blog in my life. A lot of it will be redundant. And repetitive. And you'll see the same stuff over and over. And over again.

Anywho...Robin and I are working out of the house now. I go to my other office once or twice a week. As much as we love our house and these animals, we need to get away. Really really really wanted to go to NYC this fall. I look at the rates at the Milford Plaza every single day - literally, it's saved in my toolbar. Had I booked a room for the fall this past summer, I could have gotten an excellent rate. Too late now.

Yesterday at work (other office), I got a wild hair and suggested via email to Robin that we go to the Keys this weekend. Next thing I knew, she emailed me back saying we have a room at a pet friendly place. So we're leaving today and taking Brady. This is not a favortism thing (thank you very much Jennifer). Brady stays in a crate when we're not here and the thought of him being in a crate all day until Chris, our beloved dog sitter, gets here, just kills me.

So we're getting ready to go this morning and the dogs rioted and chewed up yet another dog bed. I'm used to it. No big deal. But after I swept up the very familiar foam and turned to get the dustpan, Little Baxter threw his sausage like self on the pile and refused to move!!!

I love that little shit!

What the article doesn't mention ~~ from me

The Biscayne Park Police Captain has a very shady and crooked past. He is reportedly beyond pissed off at the allegations of conspiracy with Father Cutie and his wife. Needless to say, we are living life on the edge, as we are told he is quite dangerous.

The gist of Robin's case ~~ from NBC

The ex-boyfriend of Father Alberto Cutié's new wife, who has accused the randy reverend and the Biscayne Park Police Department of conspiring to have him arrested, paid a visit to the State Attorney's office yesterday to begin a criminal investigation into the priest.

Maxi Ratunuman has already filed a civil lawsuit against Cutié, the Biscayne Park PD and Ruhama Canellis, who he claims is his former fiance who dumped him for the controversal priest. The civil suit claims Cutié and Canellis conspired to have him arrested so he could be deported.

Ratunuman says he and Canellis were dating and had planned to get married until Cutié got in the way, and that now the priest wants him out of the picture and deported out of the country.

Ratunuman has claimed false arrest, malicious prosecution and civil theft. The 44-year-old Indonesian resident is currently in jail on trespassing and traffic violation charges.

"The civil case and the criminal case are two very different things. We haven't even really begun discovery on the civil case yet," Ratunuman's lawyer, Robin Hellman, said last night. "They're really dealing with the criminal case now because we're trying to get my client out of jail at this point."

Ratunuman's allegations were serious enough to get him an audience with the State Attorney's Office yesterday.

"Coincidentally, he was coming to court on some of the issues involving his criminal case and so we took the opportunity to take a statement from him here because he is an incarcerated defendant," Katherine Fernandez Rundle, with the State's Attorney Office, said.

Rundle said that her office is following the leads in the case to determine what, if any, involvement Cutié may have had in Ratunuman's arrest, but stressed that they're still in an early phase of any possible case.

"We're really at an investigative stage at this point. What if any involvement he may have had is still an open question," Rundle said.

Cutié was relieved of his duties as pastor of St. Francis de Sales church in Miami Beach in April after photos of he and Canellis getting romantic on a beach were published in a magazine. In June, Cutié announced he would be leaving the Catholic Church and joining the Episcopal faith. He married Canellis in a civil ceremony on June 16.


Hellman said she hopes there will be a resolution to Ratunuman's claims.

"It's really up to the state attorney's office at this point. Obviously my client is a victim," Hellman said.

Charge!

I ran an errand this afternoon and when I got home, Robin was outside talking to our adorable nextdoor neighbors, Eric and Alex (female). We totally lucked out when they moved in and Robin has a little secret crush on Eric. I got out of the car and joined them. All of a sudden, Eric yelled, "All your dogs are outside!!". He jokes around a lot so we totally ignored him. Within seconds, Buddy, Baxter, Bodi and Brady were running around like wild Indians. These dogs do not come on command, so we literally had to catch them and carry them inside (50+ pounds each). Then, rather than yell at the dogs, of course I had to yell at Robin, "Why'd you leave the door open?"

Bodi is a very smart dog and I have seen her paw at the door and open it, but I'm sure that wasn't the case this time. Every time I say something to Robin about Bodi being so smart, I get an "Uh huh".

So when I yelled at Robin about leaving the door open...you got it, "Bodi did it".

Dog or horse?

Brady has practically quadrupled in size. The dog bed is the same in both pictures, just turned inside out. He refuses to part with it. It's like his blankie.

What Have We Done???

Robin is all over the local and Latino news. If you want to check it out, go to www.nbcmiami.com, go to the "local" section and click on the story regarding Father Cutie. This is just the beginning. There's gonna be a press conference later.