I am not being politcially incorrect.

I am Jewish by association.

We are leaving for Florida in exactly 11 hours.  Robin got home from a business trip at around 7:00 p.m. Thursday night.  Since that time, she and Iris have been arguing.  Especially today.

From my end, I hear, "You could have called me."

Basically the gist is, Robin didn't call her  mother while she was gone.  But Iris could have called her too.

We have been on the go all day both days and every, mmm, 45 minutes or so, Iris called to yell at Robin that she cannot believe she didn't call while she was away.
 
"I take umbrage at the fact that you called Kim 100 times a day and you couldn't call me."

(Actually, Iris?  It was really only like 85 times a day.)

"I AM YOUR MOTHA!!!"

"I could be dead and you wouldn't know.  Not that you'd care."

"I gave you LIFE!"

~~~  repeat  ~~~

Iris just informed her that it is the responsibilty of the person who goes away to be the caller.  Robin said, "Who are you?  Emily Post?"

"Poststein," I chirped in.  

But Robin just brought up a good point.  No, a great point.  Think of the trouble we'd have if they were not Jewish and we had to choose the family with whom we'd spend the holiday?  Oy!

"IF YOU'RE GOING THROUGH HELL, KEEP GOING"

Not that I feel that I am now (or ever) going through hell, but...

I'm so glad I didn't get my hopes up for that second shift minimum wage job I interviewed for yesterday.  Especially since they haven't called me back.  Was planning on quitting immediately upon being offered the position.  Think I was fired before I was hired.  That's comforting and good for self esteem.

Yesterday sucked.  Rainy and gloomy.  Normally I like rainy and gloomy.  Guess not so much when I feel gloomy myself.  Had car issues followed by a 30 (OK - possibly just ten - or five) minute lecture from Iris on the things Robin needs to be doing.  She needs an oil change, she needs to go to the eye doctor, she needs to take a calcium supplement, she needs to quit smoking, etc. etc. etc.  Finally had to tell her she was singing to the choir.  Or preaching.  Whatever.  She was doing  something to the choir and I didn't like it.  Then there was the aforementioned (such a paralegal word) job interview.  But then my car didn't need anything done to it and after I got home and was snug in my house, I was OK.  Then there was the issue of dealing with Maxx.  Robin is out of town and Maxx is my stepdog.  He hates my guts.  He growls at me until he chokes.  Robin finds it so cute.  I, on the other hand, do not find it cute and  imagine him lunging at my face and attacking me like that monkey did. (Not that I've ever been personally attacked by a monkey.  A lady was once.  Somewhere.)  But he was actually good.  Took his meds and ate dinner without incident. 

Settled in and could not avoid the tragedy of 12/14/12.  Obviously it's all over the news and everyone feels horrible.  So I got excited about having taped something the night before.  Tuned in.  There was the president talking about it.  Fast forwarded it and enjoyed the show (SURVIVOR) as well as the outcome.

Meanwhile, I had six friends call to check on me.  I'm a lucky gal.  The day started off ickilly, but ended sweetly.

Today started off much differently.  Woke up to sunshine and a very nice encouraging FB post from a childhood friend whose intelligence I have always respected.  (Thanks, Michelle!)

Had to run some errands, including the post office and Walmart.  Was dreading both and was pleasantly surprised with each experience.

But the tragedy snuck back in.  Someone said that just like after 9/11, this country will never be the same.  If I, a mother of all things furry but not human, feel this way, I can only imagine how mothers of little people (not midgets - the other kind) must feel.  I am thankful to never have had that "ticking clock - OMG - I've GOT to have a baby" feeling.  Not sure my nerves could take it nowadays.

On the flip side, I have huge compassion for families who have mentally ill members.  When I worked at the grocery store after first moving here, there was a bagger who obviously wasn't right in the head.  I see him all the time now wandering the streets.  In fact, when I walked out of the post office he was walking down the street, and then I saw him again driving home from Walmart.  I could not help but think, "Is he the next shooter?"   I feel a little guilty about thinking that, but aren't we all going to look at everyone a little bit differently?  Especially those who are a little bit different?   Is it twisted of me to think that maybe it's good that the recent shooter's own mother isn't here to deal with what her son did?  How would one even begin to start to cope with that?

Eventually the healing process will kick in and most people will go on with their lives.  But there are 26, no, make that 27, families who really need all the love and light in the world to just get through the next minute. 

So I'm gonna keep this in mind next time my car won't start.  Or I see it's Iris calling.  Things could always be worse. 

Crap.  Now I have to go put all this Walmart stuff away.

Robin and her poultry - maybe it has something to do with the name Robin

Some of you (via Facebook) got a kick out of me discovering this in my left over turkey today when I was ripping it apart to make turkey soup.  (Just so the rest of you know, Robin was in charge of the turkey.)

But it got me thinking and then it hit me - don't think I've ever shared this here before.

One day, when living in Miami, she called me and asked if a baked chicken was good for dinner.  Fine.  When I got home, the house didn't smell like she'd been cooking.  I didn't say anything, assuming she'd changed her mind.  An hour or so later I asked what she wanted to do for dinner.  She told me she'd made a chicken and it was in the oven.

"Well did you turn the oven on?"

"Yes, Kim.  I'm not a dumbass."

"I don't smell anything."

We went to the kitchen together to check on things.  Assuming she would open the oven door, you can imagine my surprise WHEN SHE PULLED OUT THE STORAGE DRAWER UNDERNEATH THE OVEN. 

Yep.  There was our raw chicken looking back at us. 

...I'm not a dumbass, my ass...

Talk about being thrown under the bus...

We spent Thanksgiving with our friends, Camille and Frank. They are vegetarians so before we accepted the invitation, we made sure there would be meat served. Once verified that turkey AND ham would be part of the festivities, we told them that we were in. Camille had warned us that her sister is a homophobe and she was gonna be there. No big deal. What's a few hours with someone who despises someone without ever having met them? Robin kept telling Camille that we were gonna make out on the couch to embarrass her. Camille encouraged us to do so. PDA is not my style, so Camille had nothing to worry about. Her brother, John (they call him John Boy) and her mother, Margaret, were also there, visiting from Charleston. You should hear the way Camille says her mother's name...MOOOHHH-GRET...cracks us up. Camille's dad, MOOOHHHGRET's ex-husband, was there too. They warned us that MOOOHHHGRET flirted with her ex and boy howdy, did she. Was actually very cute. And last but not least, our dear friend, Marsha, was there. Marsha is a very classy older woman who is always dressed to the nines. Remember Marsha is very classy - that'll come in handy later. The homophobic sister was fine, but John Boy was a riot. He's a big tall jackass and we hit it off with him right off the bat. At dinner, Camille and Frank were seated across from each other at the end of the table. The sister plunked herself as far away from Robin and me as she could possibly get. Robin was across from John Boy and I was across from Marsha. No need to worry about the rest of them. Frank and Camille recently celebrated their 44th anniversary. Suffice it to say, they have heard each other's stories. So when Frank began to tell one of his stories to those of us whom had never heard it before, Camille became aggitated. When he tells a story, he goes in to great detail, too much so for Camille. A few minutes in to his story, Camille and her brother were looking at each other. Camille put her finger up to her head, as if to shoot herself. Then she acted like she was hanging herself. Then she fake slit her wrists. If Frank saw any of this, he didn't let on. But I was watching John Boy watching Camille and he was doing his best not to laugh. I was trying to concentrate on the story, but John Boy was in my peripheral vision, so I too was trying not to laugh. This went on for what seemed like 15 minutes and finally John Boy just lost it. Frank looked him directly in the face and asked, "What the hell is so funny?" Frank immediately blurted out, "Marsha farted!!!!" Marsha, who had no idea what had beeen going on, looked up and said, "I most certainly did not." At that point, John Boy and Camille got up and ran to the back porch. Little did they know we could hear them cracking up. John Boy returned a few minutes later and apologized. And Frank picked up right where he had left off. Camille stayed on the porch, smoked a cigarette and finished her wine. Meanwhile, the love birds, MOOOHHH-GRET and her ex, were oblivious to all that was going on. After the dust settled and Camille returned, the conversation took a turn. What are the two things you should not talk about if you want to keep peace? Politics and religion. Guess what we talked about? It was a very typical family Thanksgiving. And we're very thankful to have Camille and Frank in our lives.

I like big dogs and I cannot lie

It's been exactly five months since I've written here. No excuses. Hanging my head in shame. Other than writing one of my favorite stories about my parents thinking I'd killed Robin and was scouring the bathroom with bleach to hide the evidence, I think I last wrote about our Honey Boo Boo pool. The pool was a great joy for me this past summer, but now it is nothing more than a semi folded mass of plastic blob, covered by tarps in the back yard. I've had the pleasure of seeing Baxter pee on it. Hoping to get another summer out of her. Our current focus is on the front yard, duh, because of Christmas. I love me a big annoying obnoxious blow up holiday decoration. Had a huge crazy eyed pumpkin for Halloween. Googled and googled for something for Christmas. Didn't see anything that blew (pun intended) me away. Had given up on the big blow up thing. Have a pink Christmas pig that lights up and last weekend we bought a cousin for it...a pink flamingo that lights up. "That's fine," I told myself, "We'll just do a little pink themed Christmas this year." Went to set it up yesterday morning. We used to have five regular everyday pink flamingos until somebody stole two of them this past summer. I accused my friend, Camille, but she denied it. Then I was convinced that Iris had done it. They left for FL last week and I demanded that she give them back. No go. Thought that was a little odd, but figured we'll ransack her house when we go over there to make sure gypsys aren't living in their house. I planned to coordinate my remaining three pick flamingos with the Christmas pig and Christmas flamingo. Also have a pink tree that my mom gave us last summer. I'd make it work. Opened the garage door, dragged all the crap out and was about to begin decorating. It was cold (sweatpants and sweatshirt for me - Robin, on the other hand, was prepared for the frozen tundra) and I can tell you from experience...it is MUCH better to decorate for Christmas when it's chilly/cold than doing it in the high 80's. We have a little white picket fence in front. Put garland and lights on that. Very nice. I love decorating for Christmas! Was thinking about my shopping. Quite happy with some of the gifts I'd gotten thus far. Was thinking about the turkey dinner Robin and I were gonna make later. Not too much. Just a small turkey, some Stove Top, green bean casser....... WHERE THE HELLLLL ARE MY PINK FLAMINGOS????????? I could NOT believe it. They were gone. And I now know it's not Iris because they're (Iris and Joe) gone. That really upset me. To the point where I wanted to call 911? Lil' bit. Did I? NO. But it did take the wind out of my sail and my Christmas pig and Christmas flamingo just looked stupid. Told Robin to get in the car and off we went. That's it. We would come home with something to go with the other two. BTW? Somebody has some bad karma headed their way. Stealing flamingos from somebody's yard? I thought we left Miami.) Our one and only stop was Walgreen's right around the corner. I'm sure everyone who walks by here can't stand it if my dogs see them. The dogs go crazy barking and it's really loud. I would NOT want to walk my dog by here. As I type, they're at it. And it's not just the dogs who can see outside. All it takes is one barking dog to get them all barking. So when we simutaneously saw the NINE FEET TALL obnoxious dog, we knew it must be ours. The Santa? He was just a 'oh why not?' purchase.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO CALL THIS CHAPTER

It really was our worst fight ever. And up until then, we fought A LOT, so this is saying something. BAD BAD fight. Surprised we made it through that period of our lives type of fight.

My parents didn’t visit us too often in Miami. My mom usually came down when we had garage sales. Said it was to help, but I really think she just wanted to see what I was selling that she had given me. My brothers came and helped us move a few times. But this time it was just my mom and Nelson and they were coming down to just relax and act like they were on vacation for a long weekend.

Vacation? Vacation from hell maybe.

The tension between Robin and me had been brewing for a while and on this particular Thursday in May of 2008, it was really starting to come to a head. Should I have told my parents to not come? Probably. They had seen us fight enough and that is why they didn’t visit as often as I would have liked. I figured the issue had been around for a long time and I could sweep it under the carpet for a few more days, so I didn’t tell them not to come.

I worked in the law office that day and came home and Robin had everything ready for when they arrived. They got there and after we unloaded all the groceries (excellent house guests – always bring soda, snacks, bagels – not to mention their own towels), clothes, and trinkets they brought us, we had dinner.

Although I was pissed, I think I faked it well. Looking back, I’m sure I did not. These were parents I’m fake smiling in front of, not just casual acquaintances. Nelson retired early and Robin followed him shortly thereafter. Wait. That didn’t come out right. Nelson went to bed and then Robin went to bed, her bed, after he did. They did not go to bed together. My mom and I sat up and chatted.

Then the text came through and verified everything I’d suspected for an entire year.

I felt like a volcano exxxxxxplooooding.

I am normally very easy going and have thick skin, but when I get mad, watch out town folk. This was not gonna be pretty.

Nelson got out of bed to see what was going on and so did Robin. As mad as I was inside, I was rather calm on the outside. Sure there was some yellage, but not what I would have thought. My parents got me as calmed down as I could possibly get and finally went to bed. Robin took a drive, came home, we fought some more and she finally just went to bed. It was all out there in the open now – nothing left to say or do.

There was no way I could sleep so I did what everyone does when they’re incredibly upset at 1:30 a.m.

I cleaned the bathroom.

I loved our little bungalow style house in Miami. The best room was the back yard. And the best piece of furniture was the pool. But the little house only had one bathroom and Nelson drinks one gallon of water every single day. (It really annoys my mother on Saturdays, which is “Kay Day”. They spend the morning garage saling and then have lunch out. Since Nelson got the kidney stones, he has been beyond diligent in getting his water in. Little science here: you drink a lot, you pee a lot. The every half hour pee stops really have put a wet blanket on Kay Day.)

I have a thing for Clorox. So much so that I have almost passed out many times by overusing the stuff. I am no dummy. I don’t use it in conjunction with other cleaners. I’ve heard the horror stories. But I am rather reckless with it. No gloves, no half water. Full strength bleach. My lungs, in addition to my clothes, have paid the dues, but I still “use”. Sure I start off with a bottle of Clorox Cleanup, but as I use that and make room in the bottle, I pour the full strength stuff in. Someday I will seek out Cloriholics Anonymous. But for now? For now I lead my life.

Took me a few near fainting spells, but somewhere along the way I learned to keep the bathroom door open when cleaning with the “stuff”. At around 1:30, Nelson had to use the bathroom and apologized for doing so. No biggie. I stepped aside.

He went back to bed and I finally scrubbed myself to a tired stupor. I went to bed too.

A mere four hours lately, I myself had to pee and got up to do so. My mother was waiting outside my bedroom door, just standing there, waiting. Scared the shit out of me.

“Where is Robin?” Her voice was kinda trembly and she looked, no offense, not so good.

“What?” I was barely awake and for a split second had forgotten how upset I was.

“Where is Robin!” Loudness.

“What is the matter with you?” I was now waking up and the events of the night before hit me like a brick.

“TELL ME WHERE SHE IS RIGHT THIS SECOND. WWWHHHEEERRREEE IIISSS SSSHHHEE???”. Jeez, Ma. Manic much?

“She’s asleep.”

“WWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHEEEEEERRRRRRREEEEEEE??????” Screamed in perfect Nancy Kerrigan fashion. (Remember when Tanya Harding had a hitman smash her knees? All the news kept showing was Nancy screaming, “WWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYY????”. THAT was good stuff. Forgive me if I insulted your intelligence by that explanation.)

“In there.”

My mother whipped open my bedroom door. By this time Robin (and the rest of the neighborhood, I’m sure) was awake. She quickly shut the door and you could see the weight lifting off her shoulders.

Nelson appeared from the guestroom.

I said, “Would you please tell me what’s going on?”

By this time, the four of us were standing, kind of huddled actually, in the small hallway outside my bedroom.

“Nelson saw you scouring the bathroom last night.”

“Yeah?”

“With bleach?????” Sounded like an accusing question. Objection!!!

“So whaaaaat?” Where the hell was this going? So what if I was cleaning the bedroom…wait a minute…no way…”What are you trying to say? MOM!!!! What?!”

“Well, we, he, no we just thought it was very strange that you would be on your hands and knees cleaning, cleaning with bleach, the bathroom after, after that fight you two had.” She could NOT look at me in the face.

“What are you trying to say?”

Robin squeezed through us to get a cigarette. Nelson just stared down. Can’t remember exactly what my mother was looking at but I know it wasn’t me.

“Tell me! “

Not a word from any one.

“YOU THINK I CHOPPED HER UP IN LITTLE PIECES AND WAS CLEANING UP THE MESS!!!”

“Well, it just seemed strange….”

“I CANNOT EFFFFFFFFING BELIEVE THIS!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?”

Should I have told them not to come that weekend? Probably. But it’s a good thing I didn’t. Because if your parents think that you are capable of chopping up somebody, you very well may be.

Good thing they were there.

Just sayin’.

How much water does one need to float?

More than I thought, that's for sure.

As many of you know, I have been having an on again off again relationship with my $179 Big Lots pool that we bought right after Memorial Day.  We were mostly on until we went to Florida for a week.  Came home to a very angry pool.  Green.  Green with anger, not green with jealousy.  Unless it was jealous that we went to Florida and didn't take it.  Some of the dogs were green, too, now that I think of it.

Shocked it, try to de-algae-i-cize it, did everything anyone would suggest.  Finally decided to call in the experts and quickly made friends with the "pool lady" a few miles away.  "Bring me a sample of your water, Honey, and maybe it won't cost ya nothing."

Yeah, right.

Grabbed an empty water bottle and filled it with the water.  Surprisingly, it was crystal clear.  The problem was the algae on the bottom.  Some of you are saying "duh" right now, but this is my first pool for which I am responsible.  In Miami, we had Pedro.  Pedro the pool boy.   Pedro the 85 year old pool boy.  I miss you, Ped.

So I don't bore everyone with every single detail, after many tries of different things, we finally just wound up draining the damn thing and starting over.  It drained rather quickly and obviously the water went all over the place.  Within minutes, the back yard was covered in worms.  Fat, long, ugly worms.  They shortly died (poor worms, I'm sorry) and then the dogs, of course, had to roll in them.  Especially Bodi, my only girl.  (This dog !  I swear - she is so sweet and pretty and feminine sometimes, but other times she is a pure hellion.)

The pool was almost empty and it was time to clean the bottom.  Not so bad.  Robin and I had raggy towels that we just kinda danced across the bottom.  Reminded me of Lucy and Ethel in the wine vat.  Then came the fun, I mean, hard part.  Robin got on the side of the pool to get it as flat as possible.  Guess I ought to mention that this is a rubber pool,  The sides go up (and down) as it fills with (and drains) water.  She was on her knees squeezing down the pool and my job was to sweep all the dirty algae water out.  Through her knees.  I had to use some force and she became instantly soaked.  The sheer pleasure I took in this exercise is so wrong.  And it was so obvious at the fun I was having.  "Wait!!!!  No!!!  I missed a spot over here."  And "Oh!  This is a tough patch!!"  I guess I shouldn't have laughed so hard when Robin opened her mouth to yell at me at the exact same time, you guessed it, SSSWIIIIIIISSSSSHHHHH.  

Finally got it as good as we were gonna get it and we started the eight hour long process of refilling it.  After an hour or so I had a great idea!  Who cares how much water is in there?  We can still float, right? 

We looked like complete idiots.  Here we where, lying on our floats in a pool with about two inches of water.  And no sides.  Two inches of water does nothing to raise the pool.  Not to mention keep a person afloat.  If somebody had stopped by and seen us, they probably would have thought that we were dead back there.  

But all's well that ends well and my $179 Big Lots pool and I are back on.

Today. Today I ate cheek.

Ever have one of those wonderful days where just everything is going swimmingly (yes, I said "swimmingly")?  Today was was of those days.  I followed up on a very promising job prospect and received fantastic news - no job yet, but we're making progress.  I sold some more crack and made a few bucks.  (Note to aforementioned potential employer:  It's not really crack.  It's an energy supplement, V3, that is wonderful.  Hook me up and we'll talk.)  Robin received an outstanding raise that is unheard of in this day and age.  Talked to a few good friends on the phone.  It was all good.

Then Robin told me she had to go to Asheville and asked me to meet her there for lunch.  Sure!  Her boss took her to a Mexican restaurant that she has been raving about.  Gave me the address and I got there first.  Thought I was in the wrong place because it was a Mexican convenience store that sold food on the side.  Called her and she assured me I was in the right spot.  Sat down and waited.  Couldn't even eavesdrop to kill time because not one person spoke English.  No big deal.   After all, I did live in Miami for a long time.  So I sat there and pretended that I was listening to the TV.

She finally showed up and said, "Isn't this great?"  I gave a half assed, "Uh huh," and we went to the man who stood behind the unlabeled food.  Hell, had it been labeled, I wouldn't have known what it was unless it said "pollo".  (That means chicken.) 

She asked him what a few things were and in very broken English, he answered.  I ordered something porklike and beans.  Then she pointed to something and I swear to God, he squenched his nose ever so slightly and gave the "white girl, don't do it" look and said something.  She said, "Excuse me?" and he repeated himself.  Whatever he was saying had a double E in the middle.  But this time he pointed to his cheek.  She looked at me and said, "Beef".  I said, "I think he said 'cheek' ".  Then she called me an idiot and ordered some.

Backing up a sec...when we lived in Miami, one of her favorite places was a Jamaican restaurant.  Never trusted her to go there without me for take out because God only knows what she'd order.  Ox tail, goat.  And you can't tell.

We sat down and started eating.  I tried the "beef" and it was good.  Had some more.  Then I saw him looking at us.    I stopped eating it and began wondering if he really had said "cheek".  Obssessed about it the whole way home and googled it the second I got here.

Yep.  I ate cheek today.  It's a delicacy, you know.  Look at the picture above.  Would you know it's not beef?  Actually reminded me of pot roast.  NOT THAT I WILL EVER EAT IT AGAIN.

While I'm at it, I will share another "isn't life great ~ only to hit the wall" moment that I recently exeperienced in Florida.  Had been to the beach, got hot and sweaty and sandy and icky (BUT NICE AND TAN) and came home and jumped in my mom's pool.  Floated around on a float, made a frozen margarita, hooked my nephew's boogie board up to my float and used it as a cocktail table. Was very relaxed and said something llike "I feel like we're at a Sandels Resort".

Ahhhhhhhhh.......

Then I looked up again to make sure a palm tree wasn't blocking my sun, only to find TWO RATS SCURRYING UP THE TREE.    Anyone who knows me well knows that I'd rather have a snake crawl up my leg than to even see a rat.  (And now I further get my point across that I'd rather eat cheek than to see a rat.  I think.)

I screamed bloody murder and my mom ran out to the "veranda" - it's called a patio, Mom. 

"What's the matter?  Are you OK?"

"YOU HAVE RATS, MOM.  RATS!!!!!!"

"Oh them.  There's a garbage dumpster on the other side of the cement wall.  They're just passing through."

How comforting. 

Wish I had a dollar for...

I wish I had a dollar for every time someone asked, "Which one is this?" and someone (Gramma or Grampa) would answer, "I dunno" in regard to the twins.

We went to visit my family last week for a week.  Met Skai and Silas for the first time and both Robin and I are smitten.  Got to spend lots of time with them.  We actually looked forward to feeding them while Gramma swiffered around to some "Hot Diggity" song on the "Mickey Mouse" show.  As much as she tried, my mother was not successful in getting us to dance with her.  (Also wish I had a dollar for every time Robin said, "I hate my life.")

The week went by too fast.  Went junking several days and one of my favorite things came right out of my mom's own garage - an old chandelier.  Shockingly enough, we also got in lots of beach and pool time.  Buddha and Brady, as always, played nonstop in the pool.  They played "who could get the white ball first" and Buddha cheats, just so you know.   Buddha stands on the stairs of the pool and swims to the ball and Brady stands outside of the pool and jumps for it.  One of the highlights of my week was when my mom was sitting on a ledge in the pool, trying not to get her hair (or makeup) wet, talking to Robin.  I was at the opposite end of the pool and her back was toward me.  I kept throwing the ball as close to her as I could get without hitting her, and Brady jumped in very time, making huge splashes!!!   Needless to stay, hair and makeup had to be redone.   (That's my gooooood booooooy!!!!!)

My mom's birthday was Monday and a friend of hers threw together an impromptu surprise party for her.  My mother figured it out and, of course, spent her birthday watching Robin and me clean her house.  (That's a total joke just to see if she's paying attention.)  A neighbor stopped by in the morning to drop off a gift.  I was in my PJ's with no make up on and I'm guessing my hair was in a pony tail.  (Safe guess because it always is.)  She stayed for about an hour and we talked about Asheville, jobs, dogs, etc.  She came to the party that night and I sat near her in the living room.  After a minute or two of small talk, she said, "And who are you related to?"  WTH!!!!  "I'm Kay's daughter, Kim."  She didn't recognize me with my hair combed and makeup on!!!!!  Talk about embarrassing!  Then, a lady walked in and I thought it was my mom's friend, Aida, and I ran (OK - walked) up and gave her a big hug and said, "HEY AIDA!!!!!  It's great to see you!!!!"

It wasn't Aida.   Another awkward moment.

Robin basically behaved well.  Until my mother forgot to buy her a "Chunky" bar.  Then she threw a tantrum.  She's still talking about it.  "If you asked Iris to buy you a "Chunky" bar, you'd get a "Chunky" bar.  Oy.

Speaking of Iris, today is Joe's birthday.   As a special birthday treat, we asked him to come over and hang our new old chandelier.  He said he's been waiting around all day, IN HIS BIRTHDAY SUIT,  for me to come over.  He 's pushing 90.  You're welcome for that visual.

And as I was wrapping this up, my mom called to see how much dog food I bought today.  I'd heard K-Mart was closing down and everything was 50% off.  Got up early to go stock up on animal supplies, only to come to realize that I'd been misinformed.  So I told her I am finishing writing about our trip and she said, "So this is the last time I'll ever speak to you?"  Told her I didn't say anything bad. 

See, Mom?  I would never announce to the thousands of people who read my blog (OK - the four of you) the fact that you........

I love BRAVO TV and Andy Cohen and hoodies.

And I would love to order this MAZEL hoodie.  But for three reasons, I shan't.

1)  Don't like black.

2)  Not exactly in a position to spend $44.95 on a sweat shirt right now.

3)  Based on past experience, even the XXL would be too snug.  Santa gave me a hoodie from the Animal Rescue Site, Triple X, I think, and it's too tight on Robin!!!!

This is what I don't get.  The people who watch BRAVO TV deserve to have a selection of clothing that includes shirts that would actually fit.  Think about it.  We're watching TV.  We're not out jogging.  We're not at the gym.  We're not out back picking fresh vegetables from our garden.  We're sitting in our living room, watching your shows.  Lots of them. 

I am seriously going to send Andy an email regarding this urgent situation.  May even suggest he offer hoodies in pink.   What?  Can't hurt to ask.  (I know, I know. He may offer me  a suggestion - go for a jog, hit the gym, eat more vegis.) 

What else can I complain about? 

Oh yeah.  My mother.

She has always been a weather fanatic.  If there's something brewing off the coast of Africa, she's shouting out orders to bring in her precious talavera.   If there's something going on in the gulf, she's tracking it to see where they will evacuate.  Her pantry, honestly, could feed a small village for a week.  (I'll take a picture.)  In her defense, she does have 47 people living there at any given moment.   Florida is currently having a tropical storm, Debby.  We're headed for North FL in a couple of days.  From what I can gather here in North Cackalacky, the storm is headed straight for North FL in a couple of days.   Spoke to her this morning and asked about the storm.  She didn't know anything about it.  Too busy watching friggen Mickey Mouse with the twins.  She had no idea there was a storm out there, let alone that it was headed straight toward them.  She assured me that she'll "try" to catch "Weather on the Ones" (whatever the hell that is) and get back to me.  Gee, thanks.

Once we do get to FL, I need to work (with the limited time I have) with one of the twins.  One of them has said his first word, "hi".  Need to work with the other one.  I taught Jason his first word.  And nobody's ever forgotten it.  "Shit".  What can I say other than I was a wise ass 16 year old and thought it'd be funny.  And it was.  He was one of the cutest babies ever, and to hear that word come out of his little mouth was just...precious.  It was more like "thit", but we all knew what he meant.  Then he'd laugh and laugh.   Ahh the memories.

This is cool!  When Jason turned one, I was working my first job and bought him a pair of denim Calvin Klein overalls.  My mom and Nelson were so touched that they took him to have a professional picture taken of him wearing them.  Well, I will be meeting the twins for the for time and can't just show up empty handed.  Yesterday I found CK onesies - five in a pack.  Got two packs and every one is different!

So I think it's only fitting that I teach Silas his first word.  

I guess I shouldn't bad mouth and/or give Ingrid such a hard time any more.

"Shouldn't" being the key word.  Old habits die hard.

Came home the other day to find a huge package on my front stoop.  It was from Ingrid.  Ripped open the box and found a pink beach chair, pink and green beach bags (one big, one small), a pink and green towel and a pink and green beach mat!!!!  Talk about a great surprise!  Especially because we are going to my mom's for a week next week and plan on spending lotsa time on the beach! 

Thank you, Ingy!!

Before I received this I was gonna post about the fact that you hate it when people tell you I'm funny.  A certain friend of yours read my blog and said I should write for a living and you threw up a little in your mouth.  Then, a week later, you texted me that So and So thinks I'm soooooo funny.  You ended the text with "gag me".  Look, as I texted you, we're both OK looking.  But you're skinny.  Give me funny. 

Oh I see posted it after I received the gift.  My bad.

And BTW - this is not the only surprise I received recently.  A certain friend, our friendship is even older than Ingrid's and mine, sent me the movie "The Princess Bride" because I had mentioned on FB that I have never seen it.  Again, a very nice surprise.  I normally don't make fun of this friend because, really, our relationship is a more mature one than that of Ingrid's and mine.  I can't remember this friend ever whipping an undewrwire bra at me and giving me a black eye.  But I really think, in all fairness, I must say this.  This friend recently started a blog of her own.  It's going to be a great blog!  But I did notice one small typo and thought I owed it to her to point it out to her.  ESPECIALLY SINCE SHE SPELLED HER NAME WRONG.  McCauley has TWO c's, Steph.  

it'sawonderIhaveanyfriendsatall,especiallythetypewhosendrandompresents-irealizethat

Oh, and don't even get me started on our new friend, Marcia, who brings us stuff all the time.

A rose by any other name is still something...

Water is water. Well, that's not exactly true. You cannot compare Lake Powhatan (Asheville) to the ocean. But when you're in a pool, relaxing on a float, who cares what type of pool you're in? I realize that I talk a lot about my $179 BIG LOTS pool, but some of you seem like you're on the fence as to whether or not to buy one. I say DO IT! Brady is mad he can't get in, but I'm not sure he realizes it's water. He whines because he wants to be close to me. He gets even by leaving a nice big steamy hot present as close to the pool as he can get just as I get settled on the float. Getting settled on a float is not easy OR pretty. He waits until I get all situated then does his business. Of course I have to get out and take care of it and I swear I think he's giggling. He's going to Gramma and Grampa's next week and will have week of pool play with cousin Buddha. Speaking of Buddha...some of you know that Robin is studying Buddhism. She took vows a few weeks ago and as a result, has given up smoking. She used to smoke three packs a day in Miami and now doesn't even think about them (much). She tried everything - patches, gum, hypnotism, accupuncture - and all it took was taking Buddhism vows to make her stop. Having a nice summer this year, even though today's officially the first day of summer. Once home from visiting the family, it's time to put my nose to the grindstone and find a job. Applied for something today that I am dying for. Not much going on. Have a new favorite thing, thanks to Frank. "Blue Diamond" salt and vinegar almonds...may have to take some vows of my own to get over these. Hope you all have a Very Happy Summer ~ make some memories!

Thank you! Wait!!!!! What?

Robin has a super long day today.  Had to go to Winston Salem, which is about two and a half hours away.  Knowing that I'd get all my crap done early and spend the rest of the day feeling guilty (not really)  floating in my pool, I promised her a good dinner when she got home.  She requested meatloaf.  Great!  Something I could make in advance and we love the leftovers.

I went to the grocery store thinking all I needed was green beans (side dish) and ground turkey.  As I was perusing the meat, the butcher came out and said, "Look at your tan!"  I instinctively said, "Thank you."  Then he started talking about the tanning bed lady who allegedly made her child tan in a bed with her.  WAIT!  Was he comparing me to her?  At first I thought that I shouldn't have said 'thank you' because clearly it was not meant as a compliment.  Then he started talking about time shares and turkey legs and widows and oranges, and I decided he was crazy, so I wouldn't read too much into it.

(That reminds me of a time in college when a friend of mine got her hair cut.  Someone said, "You got your hair cut" and she said, "Thank you"  and I said, "Why are you thanking her?  It's not like she said it looked good."  That was so nice of me.)
Got home from the grocery store and realized that I'd forgotten about half of the things that I normally put in my meatloaf.  So I improvised.  I made (not  followed a recipe) a Jalapeno Cheddar Cheese Meatloaf.  It's gonna be really good or really bad.  Robin always orders jalapeno cheeseburgers when we go out, so how bad can a JCC meatloaf be? (I named it, thinking positively, that she's gonna love it and will be requesting my JCC meatloaf for years and years to come.)

Speaking of going out...last night, spur of the moment, my friend Camille (formerly known as Fran, which is not her real name either but she complained that if I make up a name for her, she ought to be able to at least pick it out.  She picked Camille.  Her husband, Frank, didn't complain about his fake name, so for now, he's still Frank) called to see if I wanted to go to Main Street for $5 martinis.  The Main Street here is adorable and very trendy.  Robin assumed she was invited, so Camille and Frank and Robin and I went to a place called "Never Blue".  Sat outside and it was a lovely evening.  Except for the service.  The waitress we had was awful.  Ignored us basically and it was not busy.   Camille and Frank are from Charleston and are true southerners.  I believe I witnessed my first southern belle saying a big eff you without the recipient realizing what had been said.  They're known for doing that, you know.  The waitress finally came over and Camille said, "Are y'all short staffed tonight?"  Ouch!  What a talent!   

Contrary to a southern eff you...I swear to God on my dogs' lives this just happened.  Robin called to say that they're kinda lost but should be there soon and she'd be turning her phone off during the meeting.  Her boss' name is Jody and he is driving.  She said, with him sitting right there, "We're coming home right after the meeting.  I told Jody that if someone asks us to go eat or go here or go there after the meeting and he said "yes", I would stomp on his nuts."

I've said this 1000 times and I'll say it again, anyone who knows Robin, knows why I drink.  Everyone agress...bless her heart.

Happy Birthday, Ivis!

Today is Iris' birthday.  Robin asked her, "What are you 94?  95?" 

No response.

When they were here the other day, we gave her her gift.  I figured maybe I'd make dinner for her tonight.  Would much rather have them here than go over there.  First of all, Joe keeps the air on 80.  Secondly, there is a ceiling fan in their kitchen, but she can't use it if she's cooking because it blows out the flame on the stove.  Thirdly, it's waaaaay too quiet.  If we're not talking, you can literally hear the clock ticking.  Worse, you can hear everyone chewing when we're eating and I hate that.  Then there's always the begging to play dominoes.

Well I don't have to worry about what to make because as they were leaving Joe said, "Vednesday is my vife's birthday.  My vife loves "Asiana".  You'll come.  Ve pick you up at five."  Then they left and, as always,  I watched him pull out of the driveway.  In his defense, the driveway is a little tricky.  Our friend, as I mentioned before, plowed over our mailbox when leaving the other day.  Her car has a nice little boo-boo on it and she consideres it totalled.  Her husband told us we owe them $30,000 because they're gonna have to get a new car now.  And Robin can barely make it out, too.  But in her defense, we've only lived here for almost two years.  I personally have it mastered and love to back out as fast as I can.  Call me a show off.  But Joe takes the cake.  Takes him about 15 minutes to get out of the driveway and meanwhile, the traffic backs up.  Tried to get a picture the other day but couldn't get my camera to turn on.  Next time.

I am not picky about restaurants.  If I don't like them the first time, I always will give them a second chance.  But there are two places here that I do not like.  "Asiana" is one of them.  It's an upscale Chinese buffet.  Chinese is my least favorite food.  I don't even think Iris likes it that much, but Joe certainly does.  Not sure why, because he could literally eat a piece of bread and be done.  But that's where we're going and it will be fine.

The main thing I am dreading is Joe's driving.  He has a Jag and doesn't know how to drive it.  Plus he doesn't know how to work the air.  Plus he speeds like a demon and ignores all traffic signs.  I told Robin I am dreading the 30 minute drive.  She tooks Buddhist vows last week and one of them is to always be truthful.  She said that we could just meet them there and I asked what would our reason be.  "The truth.  Joe's driving makes Kim sick."  Obviously we can't say that.  Buddhism should have a loophole for little white lies. 

These Buddhist vows and classes have really been good for Robin.  But I have to admit that once in a while I ask her to set them aside for five minutes and be the old Robin.  We had a situation recently where I was really upset and uncomfortable with someone and she was all zen like.  Really pissed me off.  The old Robin would have been right there with me, venting and complaining and so on.  JuBu was like, "Kim, you're gonna just have to let it go."   So then I turned my anger on her.

Back to tonight.  In addition to drive, I am also dreading the fact that Iris takes forever to eat.  And Robin is the opposite.  Robin will shovel down her food and then leave to go outside to smoke, leaving me there alone with them, which is fine, but they bitch at ME over the fact that Robin smokes too much.  This happens every single time. 

The drive home will be the worst part.  Iris will want to take the scenic way, which is twice as long.  Twice as long in a hot backseat, full of greasy Chinese food, smelling like greasy Chinese food, and praying to God that I don't throw up. 

Once we're home, we'll be glad we went.  Plus you never know whether or not this is someone's last birthday.  Especially when they're 94 or 95.

"Getting to KNOOOOW you"

We all know this song...

"Getting to know you...Getting to know all about you...Getting to like you...Getting to hope you like me."

Some people you never remember meeting.  They've just always been there.  Your parents,  older siblings, Steph Paulin, Ingrid.  You get the gist.

Then there are people who you do remember meeting for the first time.  College friends, co-workers, future and ex partners,  Iris and Joe (I was terrified).  It's usually nice to meet new people.  That's what I'm kind of experiencing now.  Have met some great people in the last year, and so far so good.

You decide whether or not these new people are worth having in your life.  Most are, in my opinion.  Haven't really met too many people right off the bat who I wouldn't at least give a chance.

Then there's the next level.  How far do you want to let them in?  This is where is can be great and wonderful or tricky and hurtful.  Had an experience last year where it didn't turn out well.  We were getting close with a particular person and it went south really fast, mostly because it involved the heathens.  Went our separate ways and there are no hard feelings (on my part anyway).

Robin has met some very very nice people through her meditations and Buddha classes.  I, too, have become quite chummy with a few of them. 

But I must say I am at a crossroads with one of them right now.  I will call her "Fran".  Her husband, who I will call "Frank", can do no wrong.  He put up our pool.  Fran, however, can and does do wrong.  Oh so wrong.

Iris and Joe came over this past weekend to do a few home repairs.  I am home 99.9% of the time, but after last summer and a few death threats, not to mention divorce threats, Robin insists on being here when they come over.  She  refuses to leave me alone with them and I love her for that.  Now that we have some other peeps in our lives, I suggested that she invite Fran over too.   Joe would certainly be on better behavior if a new person, a buffer if you will, is around.  She was happy to oblige.

So Joe was fixing our back door and Iris and Robin and Fran and I were sitting on the back porch.  Joe can't hear, so he didn't know what we were talking about.  We started talking about babies which led to talking about menopause.  Robin refuses to admit that at the age of 51 she needs to face it.  I welcome it.  Can't wait, in fact.  Fran asked me a few questions.  Won't bore you with the details, but if you really want to know, message me.  Be glad to fill you in.       

Fran then asked me if I am experiencing hot flashes.  No.  She then announced that when she started having hot flashes, her doctor recommended using "wild yam lotion".  Makes sense.  I saw "Sex and the City II".  I saw what Samantha went through when she wasn't allowed to take her hormone replacement pills on vacation.  She read up on natural remedies and went crazy with the wild yams.

Then it happened.  They say you cannot unring a bell, and you really can't.  Fran told us, "You knooow...  That wild yam lotion is meant to be used all over."

I said, "Yeahhhhhh...."  And looked at her like duhhhhh.

"Well.  I didn't know that and just used it (looooooooong pause), um, ...."

And Iris piped in, "South of the equator?"

Fran, "Yeah, I just used it south of the equator."

I am so happy that I never joined the masses who gave up their carb filled regular potatoes for sweet potatoes.  Now I'd have to give them up. 

Oh Fran.  I don't think this is gonna be a deal breaker, but I got me some thinking to do

If you don't like when I write raunchiness, STOP READING!

Four friends recently spent a long weekend at the beach.  To protect the (a-hem) innocent, I will call them Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha.

Getting ready for the beach the first day, Samantha proudly showed off her new bathing suit.  It was a cute one piece that looked like a two piece from the back.  It was held together by strings.  She turned around and her butt crack was showing, so we told her to tighten the strings.  Perfect.  Ass covered.

We got to the beach and someone noticed that her left boob had fallen out.  She got it back in place.  Fine.  A little later the right breast made an appearance.  After an hour of this Carrie asked what size this bathing suit was.  Six.  Carrie accused Samantha of buying it in the childrens' section.  Samantha started thinking that she may have. 

By the end of the day, Miranda and Charlotte went back to the condo.  Samantha convinced Carrie to stay on the beach a little longer and engage in one more "refreshment".  It wasn't hard to convince to Carrie to do so, plus it was flip time.  Carrie was lying on her stomach, propped up on her elbows when Samantha, who was standing directly in front of her, proudly announced, "I think I figured this damn bathing suit out!  Look!  My ass AND my boobs are in place!"  Carrie, who was at the exact perfect level for a scarring visual, said, "Yes but it's totally up your hoo-hoo and your pubes are hanging down to the sand.  Jesus!  Your could rake the beach with that thing!!!  One or two walks up and down the beach and you could save the tax payers some money.  Give me any good shells you find."

Later, Samantha said she was gonna throw the suit away and Carrie suggested that she just give it to a second grader.

SO EXCITED I CAN BARELY STAND IT!!!

Was going to wait to make a big announcement like, "OMG! I have lost so much weight and feel so good!," but decided I'd share my new bestie with you at ground level and you can share my ride ("journey" is so over used, doncha think?) as I go along.

A few weeks ago, a FB friend and former employer (attorney in Miami) started a program to get healthier. He posted it on FB. I didn't pay much attention at first because, quite frankly, I figured anything he was doing would be out of my price range. Read his updates and the pounds and inches were flying off him! Plus he said his partner noticed an improvement in his overall mood. Had to google what he was doing. Turns out his was taking a pill and day and that's it. WHAT? I had three questions, not in any particular order: 1) Can I take it if I'm on Rx for high blood pressure? 2) How much is it? 3) Can you drink alcohol while taking it? The answers were: 1) Yes, many are, but if you have any questions, consult your doctor (you know the standard disclaimer stuff) 2) Approximately $2.00 per day 3) Yes, you don't have to give up anything. I'm a firm believer in fate and come to find out, my friend's distributor lives about 20 minutes from me. As soon as I heard that, I asked her if I could come get a ten day supply and we were out the door.
That's all she wrote.

I have been taking "V3" for nine days now. Anyone who knows me, knows that I have always struggled with my weight. The past year of being unemployed has not helped matters. I have been very lethargic, unfocused and (believe it or not) a little cranky on occassion. This pill has changed me, I am not kidding. I have so much energy now, feel so much more focused, and even Robin said I am a lot nicer to be around. She, a skeptic, loves me on V3!!! Even my mother, swear to GOD, said how much nicer and happier I seem over the phone. I feel like someone woke me up! I am not weighing daily, because I don't want to fixate on that just yet, but I have lost two inches in my waist, one inch in my chest and one inch in my hips. I know the weight will fly off me, too, just like my friend. What has me gung-ho right now is the way I feel. Everything just seems and feels better.

There are three must do's on V3...1) eat a breakfast high in protein, some fat and some carbs, 2) an hour or two later, take the V3, 3) drink 1/2 your body weight in ounces of water throughout the day. (That's the guideline, but it is an amount you can work up to over time). Any cravings you normally have will start disappearing. You will eat less. THERE ARE NO JITTERS. I used to love jitters when I was younger but now hate them...make me feel anxious. No jitters on V3.

Tomorrow I will take my last pill of my 10 supply. I have an appointment Wednesday to pick up a 30 day supply. There is another positive about this program. You can make money as a distributor. That's also what I'm doing on Wednesday. Signing up to sell this stuff! I do not know enough about the business aspect right now, but if you have any questions, I encourage you to contact Mike Dennison or Teresa Fabregas Dennison and tell them I sent you. You can find them and Arturo Borbolla, my Miami friend who got me started on V3, on my FB. They've all been very successful on V3, so you can read about their stories, as well.

If you're interested in having more energy and focus, losing some weight and getting healthier, or have any questions, let me know. I have not been this excited in a very long time

Nothing like a nice hard slap of reality...

Robin and I returned home from our "get away" yesterday.  For her, it was three and a half days of  classroom crappola and for me, it was time spent laying out, working out, playing  "Words with Friends", and watching a lot of BRAVO TV.

We haven't been anywhere overnight in about a year basically because we (more like I) didn't want to leave the dogs.  They really are a handful, all joking aside.  Maxx must be separated from Bodi and Baxter at all times, so there is a lot of juggling.  It's not an ideal situation, but since I'm not willing to part with Bodi, we do whatever it takes.  In addition to the "when this dog is here, this dog goes there" rules,  Bodi cannot merely be let out like the others.  She's a fence jumper and has to be on a leash or tied up to a thingy we have in the yard.  Keeping the dogs separated is Rule Number One, and keeping Bodi on a leash is a close Rule Number Two.  It's just a lot.  We had an awesome sitter in Miami and were really spoiled.

Long story short, we befriended a nice family about six months ago.  One of the daughters, a mature 23 year old, watched our dogs this week and did an amazing job.  Robin and I have said that she is more mature than Robin and me combined.   When we got home, the house was a lot cleaner than we'd expected and everything was great, despite the fact that our water was turned off while we were gone.  Thank God when we were threatened by tornadoes a few weeks ago, I stock piled  the H2O.  There was plenty of drinking and flushing water.  By the time we got home, it was too late to get it turned back on.  Robin was concerned as to how she was expected to wash her "special area" and since it was raining, I suggested she take off her clothes and go hang upside down on the fence. 

So we get home and all is good.  Exhausted Robin went to bed early.  Plus she had a headache from hanging upside down on the fence.  It went from raining to pouring cats and dogs.  Thunderstorms, in fact.   I opened the kitchen door that leads to the back yard for some fresh air.  Didn't worry about Bodi taking off beacause it was raining so hard.  I've done this dozens of times before and she just hangs out on the porch.  Well last night, she hauled ass out the door and ran around the yard like a wild horse.  I watched her for about 30 seconds, just knowing that she'd come dashing back into the house.  I was in my nightgown.  All of a sudden, she jumped the fence into the neighbor's yard.  I ran to the fence and she was evidently eating some cat food that they feed their outdoor cats.  Kept calling her name, thinking she's come home once done.  Did I mention it was pouring?  Then she took off to the other side of their house and was out of sight.  I didn't panic just yet.  Ran inside for my robe and a lantern.  Why we like lanterns over flashlights, I'm not sure.  Guess it's from camping.  Grabbed her leash and ran for the other side of the neighbor's house.  Saw her, called her and she ran toward me.  Then flew right by me.  Ran through our front yard and down the hill and across the street.  Panic was now setting in.  This is a busy street and cars go waaaay too fast.  Running after her, I'm screaming, "BOOOOOOOOOODI" at the top of my lungs louder than  a doped up Elene Benes mimicking Stanley Kowalski's, "STEEEELLLLLAAAAAA".  Doing this on a busy street in a fluffy pink bathrobe in a thunderstorm holding a lantern.  I wish I could have seen me.

Not knowing where she was, I ran home and got in Robin's car.  I drove around and around, looking for her, for what seemed like an eternity.  Windows down, raining pouring in, I'm screaming her name over and over.  Kept driving by our  house, thinking she'd be on the front porch.  Not a chance.  By now I am hysterical.  I just knew that I'd never see my girl again.  Why had I left that door open?  I know dogs are unpredictable.  This was all my fault.  I was bawling, it was pouring, I couldn't see a damn thing.  I finally went home to think about what to do next. 

Guess who was at the backdoor waiting for me.

...THEN... 

Today, just as I was getting out of the shower, Robin screams, "KIM!!!!!".  I knew Maxx was in his room, so I wasn't worried about a dog fight.  Come to find out, we had the windows open and Bodi poked at the screen and it fell to the ground.  She jumped out the window and took off again.  Quickly put on my still wet from last night robe and ran out the door.  This time she went to the other neighbor's house.  Robin was on one side of the house and I was on the other.  As long as she didn't head for the street, we were fine.  We did finally catch her and Robin said how exhausting it was.  Little did she know what I'd experienced last night while she slept. 

I had felt a little guilty about going away with Robin because I needed a break.  A break from what?   

Now I know.

Damn dogs.

Love My Laughing Cow Cheese Recipes!!!

I made this last night and it was great!  Robin can't wait for lunch!  I tweeked the recipe because she likes things very saucey.  I used maybe 32 oz. of sauce and five LLC wedges (garlic and herb, not French onion).  Also when the chicken was almost all cooked, I threw in an entire bag of fresh spinach.  I do that a lot.   Adds a lot of nutrients and you barely know it's there.  Other than that, I pretty much followed the recipe.  Very easy and good.  It'd be nice to serve it with a good salad. 

SPAGHETTI CHICKEN (and spinach) PIE

Ingredients

◦16 ounce box of whole wheat spaghetti noodles

◦1 pound boneless skinless chicken breast, cut in bite-sized pieces

◦24 ounce jar spaghetti sauce

◦2 wedges of The Laughing Cow Light French Onion Cheese

◦8 ounces mozzarella cheese, shredded

◦2 ounces parmesan cheese, shredded

◦parmesan cheese for topping

Directions

1.Preheat oven to 375 degrees.

2.In large skillet, cook chicken until done. Meanwhile, while chicken is cooking, prepare spaghetti as directed on package. Drain excess water.

3.Add spaghetti sauce to cooked chicken and season to taste. Mix The Laughing Cow Cheese Wedges into the meat and sauce mixture and mix well. Add cooked pasta and shredded cheeses and combine.

4.Spray 13×9 baking dish with cooking spray and pour in the spaghetti mixture. Top with additional parmesan cheese and bake for 15 minutes.

5.Let cool for a couple minutes, serve and enjoy!

I am one step closer to going to hell.

So Robin and Iris were just having their nightly conversation that is just slightly less fascinating than my own mother's and my morning conversations. 

Their chats  go something like this:   "How was your day?  How was the weather?  How's Kim?  How are the babies?  What's for dinner?  What's on TV tonight?"

The last question is where tonight's conversation got interesting.  Interesting for this group, anyway.  I guess Barbara Walters is having a show about new age cosmetic surgery.  I was playing on my Kindle Fire, not really paying atttention,  and all of a sudden, Robin, while still on the phone, asked me, "Do you think my mother needs a facelift?"

Me:  Without hesitation.  "Absolutely not."  And she doesn't.  I'm not trying to CMA in case she ever gets a computer and reads this stuff, but she honestly looks a good 25 years younger than she is.

 

Then Iris started listing procedures she's considered and told them to Robin. 

Robin:  "What about a boob job?"

Me:  "Nope."

Robin:  "Butt lift."

Me:  Slight consideration. "No.  No way.  Your mom has a nice ass."

Robin:  "Vaginal rejuvenation?"

Me:  NO hesitation.  "Absolutely."

I normally don't have any trouble falling asleep.

And I chalk it up to my good clean living.  (HA!)  But last night I couldn't fall asleep.  I tried singing songs in my head, counting sheep, etc.  But I just couldn't shut my brain down.  It's like channel surfing in there at a rate of 100 miles per hour.  Got up, took a hot shower to relax.  Nothing.  I was tired, but just couldn't fall asleep.  So annoying.

So I decided to try some of the meditation tools I've picked up from Robin.  I laid (lied? not sure, so going with laid) there completely still.  I felt the comfort of the bed, the warmth of the covers and the cool breeze blowing across my face.  (We leave the windows cracked, even when it's freezing.)  I was beginning to relax.  Breathed in.  Breathed out.  Aware of every breath.  I felt myself giving in.  Then I started flexing and constricting everything I could, starting from the bottom to the top.  Cracked bones, flexed muscles, stretched what I could.  Felt the tension leaving my body. Made it up to my shoulders, then my neck, then my jaw.  Everything was relaxed and I felt myself drifting off. 

But then it all stopped.  I was to the top of my head and there was nothing to crack or stretch and flex.  Quite the opposite.  I felt like I had a two inch cement helmet on.  Nothing could be released. It was definitely holding me down and keeping me awake.  Get off!  Then I felt pain.  Damn you tension, exit.  Exit at once.

Instinctively,  I put my hand on my head.

My hairclip was too tight.  Took it out,  placed it on the bedstand and fell asleep before my head hit the pillow.      

I know, I know...

If you're a FB friend, or worse yet, someone who I actually speak with, you're likely sick of my obsession with this picture.  But there are some of you who haven't heard this yet.  Plus, this blog is not gonna be all about the picture.

This is my Buddy who we had to put down two weeks ago tomorrow.  This was taken just a couple days before he died.  He's on two beds because we'd just gotten him the green one so I could wash the blue one.  He liked them both.  Ever since he died, there had been a thought that kept going through my mind.  I am not in the habit of seeking spiritual advice from Anna Nicole Smith, however when her son died, I remember her fearing that he was "stuck" between earth and heaven.  She searched for signs that he made it to heaven.  This is how I felt about Buddy.  I didn't feel that way about Spanky (cocker spaniel) or Bailey (chocolate lab).  But there was just something so special about Buddy - like he made it halfway there, but because we were so sad, he stopped.  I have been longing for signs that he made it to heaven to be with Bailey and Spanky.  He came after Spanky died, so I especially wanted to be sure he was with Bailey.  This picture is my screen saver and I glanced at it last night during the Superbowl and it jumped out at me.  If you look at his torso, you can see what exactly a lab's head looks like.  From the top of her head to the snout.  You can even see the right ear.  It freaks me out in a beautiful sign from God way.  Now I really do believe in the Rainbow Bridge!

Nuff about that.  I am still unemployed.  I applied for a really great sounding job with the Dept. of Social Services toward the end of December.  Was chosen to take a test.  Those who scored highest went further in the process.  Took the test that was about 90% math.  I like math and have always been good at it.  (Was convinced I was a mathematical wizard in college.  Then I hit the wall.)  Taking the test, I was thinking how hard it was.  It was really tough!  Thought that if Robin had to take it, she'd run out the door crying.  But I finished it, double checked everything and felt confident that I'd done well.  So well, that I thought I'd aced it.  Told Robin that I didn't mean to brag, but I was sure I'd gotten a 100%.  Would be notified by letter on whether or not I'd passed.  80% was passing.  This was gonna be great!  It was during the holidays and I'd have a brand new wonderful job waiting for me after the beginning of the new year!  2012 was gonna be my year!  Out with the old, in with the new!!!.

Two days later, I got the letter from DSS.    I got a 73%.  After I picked my jaw up off the floor, I called the lady.  I asked if there is any way that there could have been a mistake, because I was positive that I had nailed it.  She was nice enough to pull my file and went over the test with me.  I missed the first three questions, all having to do with types of benefits people receive.  These were non-math related questions and the answers were like "food stamps", "Medicaid", etc.  I answered yes or no.  Each question was worth nine points.  But I got all the hard math answers correct.  Bottom line - I can do math, I just can't read.  Have to wait three months before I can test again.

We're - scratch that - I'm doing Meatless Mondays again.  It's one resolution that I have kept.  Gives me an excuse to eat fried cheese for lunch.

Got ambitious last night and wrote out a TO DO list for today.  In big letters across the top, it says "MONDAY 02.06.12".    Today, feeling less focused, I added above today's date "WEEK OF".  Gives me some wiggle room.

I am totally addicted to "Words with Friends".  It's pretty much what I do.  There's one (maybe two) people who I haven't beaten and that's because they cheat.  You know who you are. 

Robin's good.  Pulled her annual beginning of the year gotta have an injury crap.  Two years ago, a broken hand, last year a broken leg.  This year, emergency two teeth removed.  We just enjoyed a fun percocet filled weekend. 

That pretty much catches me up since I last blogged.  Would love to write more often, but when one plays WWF 10 hours a day, what's there to write about?  Maybe I'll start making stuff up.  How sad.  

Oh!  Look for me on "ELLEN".  Sent her the picture of Buddy with a what I considered cute email and it's just a matter of time before she calls me.  God, I hope she doesn't send that girl, Jeannie or Jenny or Dina, or whatever her name is, here.  She makes me nervous to watch.   

PS:  If for whatever reason, blindness or closed mindedness, you cannot see the lab in Buddy, click on the picture to make it bigger.  Let me know what you think.

Back to WWF.