Monday, May 30, 2011

Happy Memorial Day!

It's been almost two weeks since I've blogged.

Highlights:

1)  Started awesome new job a week ago today.  The owners of "Paw Pleasers" are a married couple (Becky is 30/Patrick is 40) who live on the premises.  They provide doggy daycare, boarding and grooming.  The clientele is the best!  Each day I have a new favorite.  My current fave is an old black pug named Molly.  Also love the brother and sister boxers, Nick and Abby.  Then there's Sam the Saint Bernard.  OK ~ I tend to have more than one favorite.

2)  EVERYBODY, and I do mean everybody, thinks that their dog(s) is the best and the brightest.  Myself included.  I just happen to be right.

3)  Got to work on Wednesday and Patrick walked by me with something in his hand.  "How are you with mice?"  NOT GOOD.  Made it very clear to Patrick and Becky that I am petrified of any rodent and forwarned them that there will be screaming, loud screaming, should I come in contact with one. 

4)  Robin got paid on Friday.  If we were to deposit the check, it wouldn't clear until the day after the next business day, which would be day after tomorrow.  (Clear as mud, I know).  So we had to have Iris and Joe intervene.  That meant meeting them at the bank.  Since Robin worked on Friday and I didn't, I had to do the meeting.  Doesn't seem too daunting, right?  WRONG.  All he had to do was sign the check under Robin and cash it.  We've done this before, more than once.  Each time it takes a good half hour to explain to Joe why we need him to cash it, why we don't deposit it ourselves, yes, the bank will do it, no we don't bank at Wachovia, blah, blah, blah. 

5)  Iris came to the bank with a week's worth of newspapers that she thinks Robin reads.  They always go straight from the car to the recycling bin.  I don't have the heart to tell her.

6)  All last week, Robin kept saying things like, "I can't wait to have three days off with you.  Let's not make any plans with anyone.  I just wanna go to the lake."  Iris got to the bank and handed me the stack of newspapers.  While doing so, she said, "What time do you want to go to the Garden Jubilee tomorrow?"  AND  "Did Robin tell you you're coming over on Monday?  What do you like with your hot dogs?"  The entire time she was telling me about my weekend plans, Joe, with a scrunched up face, was asking, "Vhy do I cash your check?  Vhy you not cash at your bank?"  As punishment to Robin for making me deal with Joe, I went straight from getting the cash to tan and then to SteinMart for a new pair of shorts.  That'll teach her. 

7)  We did actually go to the Garden Jubilee, but when we called to tell Iris we were there, she was still in bed.  It was really a nice little festival ~ lots of plants, but so much more.   I love the festivals in this town.  So quaint.  Came home with a bunch of herbs and geraniums.  Decorated our porch as if it's another room.  Love it out there!  Even though we're experiencing very hot temperatures right now, it's cool out there in the morning and evening.  Iris and Joe made it to the festival later and Joe was aggravating Iris (can't imagine that).  So she planted (Get it?  Garden Jubilee?  Planted?) him on a bench and then ran into her "synogogue boyfriend" and they strolled arm in arm down Main Street.  He bought her an ice cream.  Oh!  And I got a really cute turtle necklace too.  Named it Ingrid.  See below.

8)  Emailed BFF Ingrid back and forth a little last week.  Found out she has two pet turtles.  Is it just me, or is it odd that a couple married for 20 something years, she's 45, he's 50, no kids at home, has two pet turtles?

9)  We did make it to the beach yesterday.  Very hot and very crowded.  The water is warming up and I can't help but think how many of the munchkins pee in the lake.   In addition to me.

10)  Today we are going to Iris and Joe's.  I made a macaroni salad and she'll serve hot dogs.  While I do realize the importance of this holiday, I tend to think of Memorial Day as being outside, grilling, paper plates, music, and if you're lucky, a pool.  We will be seated around their kitchen table, total silence, hot, with her fine china and silverware.

11)  There is a silver lining!  Iris and Joe live in a community with a pool and it opens today.  So we'll get some pool time in then go to their house for the "festivities".

12)  I've had over 20,000 hits on my blog!  Sure, 19,900 are from me, but still...

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Do I look like a son-in-law? Or a newly released from jail person?

I told you the other day that Joe is redoing their guestroom floor.   He tore up the carpeting and apparently it was nasty and smelly.  So much so, that Iris refused to let him put it in her car to take to the dump.  This family names their cars.  Robin's car is "Talula", Iris' new ride is "Maggie May" and Joe was extra clever when he named his car "Jaggy."

Iris called last night and complained that they were arguing about whose car they wanted to dirty with the carpeting. 

"You can't put it in Maggie May, Joe.   We just had her detailed."

"Vell, it's not going in Jaggy."

I asked Robin who she thinks won that one and she dismissed me.

Got a phone around 10:00 this morning.  It was Robin.  "Iris and Joe can't find the dump.  Can you go over there and drive Maggie May to the dump?"

"Yeeeeeeesssssssss," said with an attitude and an eye roll.  Guess Joe won.

I got over there and Joe was standing in the driveway.  He opened my back door and told me to hold it open.  He then removed all the yuck carpeting and pad from Maggie May and put it in my car.

WTH?  What did my car do to deserve this honor?

He got in the car and announced, "To the dump."

I drove him to the dump, found our "station" and he wanted me to back up.  He got out and directed me.  "Come on.  Come on.  Come on.  STOP!!!!"   Jeeez.  A little warning would be nice. 

Finshed with them , then met Robin for a bite.  She had to go to Asheville and is dying for me to meet her boss, who by the way, is one of my Facebook friends.  My roots are awful and I was reluctant at first, but then agreed.

We walked into his office and she told him, "She's fresh out of prison and needs a lot of help.  Got out two days ago."

He shook my hand an congratulated me.  I told him thanks, then cracked up.

Robin said,  "Ass.  It's Kim."

To which he replied, "I thought I recognized her.  But I thought I'd remembered her from Swannanoa."

Swannanoa is a womens' prison somewhere around here.

Told my mother this story.  Her response?  "Just how bad are your roots?"

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

A few weekends ago we went garage saling with Iris and Joe.  Iris has toyed with the idea of getting a second car here in NC.  They have one, but it's Joe's Jaguar, and she flatly refuses to drive it.  He would go absolutely crazy if she came home with a scratch on it.   For some reason, she has always liked PT Cruisers.  There was one at a garage sale and it happened to be for sale.  They were told the asking price and when I looked up the Kelley Blue Book value, it was actually a very reasonable price.  So Joe had it checked out and they wound up buying it.

They didn't tell us about the car.  When I went over there the other day to schlep Joe's wood, wait that didn't come out right...when I went over there the other day to help Joe with the flooring, the car was in the driveway.  They were waiting for me and to see my reaction.  I, of course, played it up, like, "Oh my GOD!!!   You got the car!!  It looks great!  Did you get it detailed?"  I gave them the reaction they wanted.  Enthusiasm. 

They asked me not to tell Robin so she, too, could be surprised.  I told them I wouldn't say anything, but I had my fingers crossed.  I know Robin all too well and I know that she couldn't possibly care less about the car.  Last night her mother called and invited us for lunch today.  I didn't feel like going but I told Robin that she should.  She didn't want to.  Something about hating her mother's dried out coldcuts.  Then I did the right thing.  I told her they had something that she doesn't know about.  Made her guess.  Told her it was something that they'd seen at the garage sale.  She's a lousy guesser and I finally told her that it's something not in the house, but in the driveway.  She finally guessed it and said very lovingly, "What do I care?"

Robin should be arriving at their house right now.  They'll be in the driveway awaiting her arrival and reaction.  I literally made her practise her reaction.  Knowing her, she'll pull in and walk right by it pretending not to notice.  That would actually be pretty funny.

Iris called me at 9:00 to remind me of lunch, but understood that if my sinus infection doesn't get better, I should stay home.  Huh?  Robin, being the good partner that she is, lied and told her mother that I wouldn't be going  because I didn't feel well.  That's great, but next time, I'd like to be in on the lie.  Then she started in about getting my oil changed.  The other day I asked Joe where he takes his car for an oil change.  He hasn't yet.  I merely mentioned that Robin and I both need oil changes.  He called that night and said that he wants to pay for our oil changes to show his appreciation for me helping him.  Very sweet. 

This morning Iris said, "You need to figure out where to get your oil changed." 

I said, "There's a Jiffy Lube right up the street."

"Well are they any good?

"I assume so.  It's Jiffy Lube."

"Well how do you know they're good?"

"IT'S JIFFY LUBE."

"Well, you need to call around.  The prices vary considerably.  And don't let them talk you into anything else.  You don't need a boob job."

Huh?

So I'll pull a Robin and make up names and prices of oil change places and make Jiffy Lube the winner.

Robin says the same thing about my mother and me whenever we spend time with her, but hanging around Iris gives me a lot of insight as to how Robin's mind work.  Very scarey.

Monday, May 16, 2011

I've been celebrating my new job as any happy new hire at a dream job would.

I spent the afternoon with Joe.  At Home Depot.  Just he and I.

He decided he wanted to redo the floor in their guestroom.  Tear up the carpet and put down hard wood floors.  Iris asked if I could drive him because I have an SUV.  This was at around 9:00 this morning.  Told her of course, but I needed to wait to hear about this job.  Heard about the job at around 11:00 and Robin was coming home for lunch at noon.  Iris was a little miffed that I didn't get over there until 1ish, but she got over it.

Joe had the flooring picked out and all I had to do was drive him.  Yeah right.  I had to schlep the seven boxes of flooring which weighed more than a 50 pound bag of dog food that I struggle with.  Then, because the back door of my car is broken, had to ask a stranger who's more than three feet tall to hold it open while I loaded the car.  In the middle of loading, Joe had a fit that one of my tires was low on air.  "Look at this!  Look at this, Keemy.  Very dangerous."

While daydreaming of ways to kill Robin on the way home, all of a sudden Joe screamed, "Pull in here!  Pull in here!"  It was a tire place and sure enough, my one tire was low.  Joe was very proud of himself for saving the day.

Got to their house and of course, I had to carry everything in.  Glared at Iris and snapped, "I'm not a boy."  She ever so wisely told me to, "Be careful."  Robin happened to call Iris when I was there.  She asked to speak with me, but Iris told her it wasn't a good time and I probably wouldn't have anything nice to say to her anyway.  As I carried floor bundle number six through the house, I told Iris to tell Robin that I'd deal with her later. 

Next stop grocery store, then Robin's job.  She's always asking me to come visit her and today was as good a day as any.  She wanted some type of taco kit for dinner.  It was on the top shelf, but way far back and I couldn't reach it.  Screw it.  Mexican food is Mexican food and she'll be happy with plain tacos.

She turned white as a ghost when I surprised her in her office.  First words outta her mouth were "I love you".  Then she asked if I 'd gotten what she wanted for dinner.  She couldn't believe that I hadn't gotten it because I couldn't reach it.  Maybe if I had some feeling left in my arms, I could have.

I GOT THE JOB!!!!

While Robin is going to prisons to teach the inmates how to assimilate into society upon their release, I will be playing with puppies!

Talk about living our dreams!

Thursday, May 12, 2011

College Canoe Ride ~ THE Most Embarrassing Moment of My Life ~ And that's saying something!

I could easily be persuaded to do anything but study while in college, even canoeing. Canoeing is a sport, but it involves water and being in the sun, so it would be worth the effort. Besides, how hard could it really be? You sit and paddle a little. Big deal. I would be in the sun.


Florida Southern College had rules. A lot of them. One of them was no drinking and no alcohol on campus. I was 18 years old when the drinking age changed from 18 to 21. I was grandfathered in – THANK GOD! Until they officially announced the Grandfather Clause, I gotta admit, I was scared. Scared, anxious and depressed. I had been buying alcohol since I was 14 years old without difficulty, but this new stupid you need to be 21 years old to purchase alcohol law was going to change the alcohol buying process. Everyone and their brothers would start carding. Were you born before such and such a date signs were posted everywhere. Gone were the days of, “I’m sorry I left my ID at home but I swear I’m 21”. The store owners and cashiers were cracking down and if you weren’t 21 years old, you weren’t buying alcohol. Unless you were grandfathered in. Which I was. THANK GOD.

Betsy convinced me that we should go out in a canoe on Lake Hollingsworth. She didn’t have to ask me twice. She was a good studier and said that we could paddle out to the middle of the lake and then just chill out and study. She was bringing her books. I had planned on just bringing my walkman and of course a cooler full of beer, but decided to bring a book for good measure. A class book, not a book book. If she was going to study, so was I. Maybe. We’ll see. Probably not. Nah. Looking back, bringing that book was a stupid idea, but when you’re young and impressionable, you try to blend in. Even though I knew for sure that I would not be studying that afternoon, I brought the book to fit in.

You could get expelled from FSC for drinking on campus. Technically, being on Lake Hollingsworth in a canoe was being on campus, but we didn’t care. They wouldn’t find out. We didn’t really think about the fact that if Betsy got caught with alcohol, she could potentially lose her tennis scholarship. We didn’t think about getting caught and we certainly didn’t consider the consequences if we did get caught. So we got settled into our canoe and paddled to the middle of the lake. It was a gorgeous sunny day in late April and I was basking in the warm sun on a lake, so that was like a double whammy – double reflection, double the sun. I was in front of the canoe and Betsy was in back. It was around 12:30 in the afternoon, so we had a good three hours of good sun in front of us. Three hours and 12 beers. Perfect. Wait! Not so perfect. Half those beers are hers. OK, three hours and six beers. I’d have to pace myself, but if she was studying, she wouldn’t drink six beers. She’d have three, maybe four beers, so I could have eight or nine beers. That’d be good.

Betsy was studying or reading or something and kept telling me to shush when I tried talking to her. The more I drank, the more I talked, and the more she shushed and the madder she got. Fine. I realized I had my walkman and decided to just relax and listen to Madonna. I put my headphones on and perched my little face up to the sun like a sunflower. This was the life! The April sun in Florida was the best. It was warm, but still not hot. I was in my glory. If I played my cards right, maybe I could hit a triple whammy and convince Betsy to take me tanning later. She had a car and I didn’t. She probably wouldn’t take me anywhere if I kept annoying her, so I decided to behave for a while and let her study.

“Li-ving in a material world and I am a material girl. Material. Ma-ter-i-a-lllll”. I was chair dancing. I was buzzed. I was getting tanner and tanner and if I played my cards right, Betsy would take me tanning later. “Material, material”.



I caught myself. Whoops. I was supposed to be quiet so she could study. I turned my head around to see if she had noticed. Huh? Betsy was submerged in water, all her books were gone (so were mine, but who cared?), the cooler was gone and within about 10 seconds, my walkman was gone too. There we were. Betsy, me and 10 empty beer cans floating amongst us.

“I was screaming at you to quit moving around but you had your headphones on so loud, you couldn’t hear me”, Betsy yelled.

The canoe had had slight leak in it and I guess when I start bouncing up and down, it started taking in water super fast.

We’d had to sign the canoe out from the dock. The dock was manned by fraternity of nerds, Lambda Chi’s. The canoe was totally under water, but we had managed to grab it before it sank to the bottom of the lake. Here came the Lambda Chi’s in a rescue boat.

“Shit! The beer cans. Sink them. Sink the beer cans! Hurry up. The nerds are coming.”

“Jesus Christ, Kim. How many beers did you drink?”, Betsy asked, half disgust, half awe.

“Half of them are yours. Sink faster. Hurry up”, I shouted.

“I’ve had two”, Betsy shot at me accusingly.

We managed to get all the cans filled and sunk just in time. Like I said before, these boys were nerds. And not the nice adorable nerds that are actually kind of cute and endearing. These were the type of nerds who would just love to report to the dean that they saved us and by the way, found ten empty beer cans amongst the ruins. That was a close call.

Two of the guys jumped out and got the canoe out from the water. They tipped it over and expected us to hop back in it. With there being no ladder, there was no way I was gonna hoist myself back in that thing. Just as I’m protesting getting back in the canoe, agile friggen Betsy just hopped in it. I hated her. So for the next few minutes, Betsy pulled and the nerds pushed and finally all of my being was plopped in the canoe.

Then I stood up and time stood still. The devil canoe tipped over. Was this really happening? There we were. Deja vue all over again. One of the genius nerds suggested that we just get on their boat and two of the guys would get the canoe back to the dock. Whatever. Wonder what time it is. Should I tan before or after dinner?

Show off Betsy lifted herself out of the water and on to the boat. I needed a ladder.

“Can you please put the ladder down?”, I asked.

“No ladder. Have to pull yourself up”, was the response I received.

“You know what? I think I’ll just swim back to the dock. Thanks for your help.” I turned to swim away.

“Afraid you can’t do that. No swimming in Lake Hollingsworth. Too much of a liability for the school what with all the water moccasins”.

“I can’t get in that boat,” I had to admit.

I could tell Betsy was feeling sorry for me.

“Here, Kimi. Let me help you. Give me your hands,” she said.

Betsy was pretty strong and pulled me out of the water. Well, Betsy and a nerd. No way one person could have gotten me out alone.

I didn’t realize what was happening. I was suspended in mid air for what seemed like an eternity. Everyone and everything was in slow motion. What was happening? Jeez, how much did I drink? Then I noticed that everyone, every single nerd eyeball, including Betsy’s (no surprise there, I’d soon discover), was fixated on the same thing – my gigantic boobs that were exposed to the world. My bathing suit was strapless and I was currently topless. I somehow got myself in the boat and it was a silent ride back to the dock. Betsy couldn’t even look at me without that look of pity with the head cock and the pooched lower lip.

The Lambda Chi’s table in the cafeteria (aka “the caf”)was the very first table as you entered the caf. There were only a couple weeks of school left and I never entered the caf again that semester.

I lost 12 pounds in those two weeks.

I love Robin's new job!

She spent three days in classrooms and jails.  Slightly taller than a midget, every time she sat down in a chair her feet didn't reach the ground.  And every time her boss sang to her "We represent the lollypop guild, the lollypop guild, the lollypop guild...." and did so while doing a funny elbow dance.

She came home with a new dew rag and an annoying new phrase.  One of the speakers, who had spent a looooong time in jail, had a black dew rag on the first day.  She complimented him on it and the next day he showed up with one for her.  The same person is now a preacher and his mantra, which has now become Robin's new thing, is "Tell the truth up in here and SHAME the devil."  Must be said with a lot  of soul. 

If I had a dollar for every time she said that last night, I could almost fill my gas tank. 

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Dinner ALONE with the in-laws...

Robin's been out of town since Monday morning.  As Iris and Joe left here on Sunday, Iris said, "You'll come to dinner Tuesday."  Not, "Would you like to come to dinner on Tuesday?"  or "We'd like to have you over for dinner on Tuesday".   It was more of a demand than an invitation.

She called yesterday and told me to be there between 5:30 and 6:00.  Got there at 5:57.  As I pulled into their driveway, the first thing I noticed was that their windows were open.  It's very warm here, summerlike temperatures, and they had their windows open.  I knew it'd be warm in their house.  It always is.  But yesterday it was hot in their house.  They have a ceiling fan in the kitchen, which would have been a big help, however they have a gas stove and can't have the ceiling fan on when she's cooking.  Blows out the flame.

They came outside the second I pulled up and were very excited to show me the flowers Joe had recently planted.  We have a lot of iris' in our yard and I guess Iris was a little jealous.  So Joe went to Lowe's and bought a bunch of them and planted them for her.  A few were blooming for the first time and Joe went crazy.  "Ivis!!  Ivis!!  Look!!  It's blooming!!  Look at the colors!!  Purple and yellow!!  Two colors!!  It's beautiful!!"  I wouldn't have been surprised had they broken out into a little square dance.

Dinner was very good.  Salad, bread, beef stew (perfect for a hot summer-like day) and the biggest fresh strawberries I've ever seen.

Joe excused himself at 7:00 to go watch Diane Sawyer. Iris and I sat there and chatted. Talked about her diabetes. Her medication. My mother's medication. Whether or not there's really a difference between generic and non-generic.   The side effects of medication.  Then out of the clear blue sky, she asked me if I'd ever consider botox. I told her yes, but it's expensive. She said, "How expensive can it be?" I think she was totally hinting that I get botox injections. I told her that before that, I'd rather have a little collagen in my upper lip. She leaned in and took a closer look and nodded.



The conversation then shifted from a little  to very awkward.  Joe has a gay son whose much older partner recently died.  His son is moving to CA to move in with another man who's even older than the last one.  I asked if they're just friends or if they're already in a relationship.  They're already in a relationship.  Iris said, "I don't understand his attraction to older men.  This new one is older than Joe.  What kind of sex life will they have?"

We sat there in total silence for what seemed like a half an hour.  Iris stared at me, not blinking, as if she wanted me to answer that question.   I returned the nonblinking stare.  Each second was more uncomfortable than the last.  You could hear the clock on the wall ticking.  You could hear the iris' blooming.  Finally, the phone rang.  It was Robin.  She called to tell Iris that I needed to go home because my show was about to come on.  Little does Iris know that we tivo everything. 

I thanked them for dinner, gave them a little hug and kiss, and was on my way.  I immediately called Robin and thanked her for the phonecall.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

I'm a little interested in Chaz. As in his story. Not as in I wanna be his girlfriend.




Chaz Bono has a book coming out today and a documentary on his sex change on Oprah's channel tonight.   As a result, he has been on all the shows lately.

Just like everyone else from my generation, I remember Chasity as an adorable little girl.  He said this morning something about who would have ever dreamt that that cute little girl would one day become a middle aged man? 

I love to mess with my mother.  When I spoke to her this morning, I asked if she'd seen Chaz lately.  Received a little disgusted, "Yes!".  Told her that it got me thinking.  That that is something I plan on looking into, and how would she feel to be the mother of three sons? 

Silence.

This reminds me of the time when she and Nelson were visiting in Miami.  (I've written about this before so I'll be brief.)  Robin and I were in the biggest fight ever.  Everyone had gone to bed and I decided to use my pent up energy and Chloroxed the hell out of my bathroom.  Nelson got up around midnight to use the bathroom and thought it was odd that I was bleaching in the middle of the night.  Long story short (too late), my parents thought that I had chopped Robin up into little pieces and was covering up the crime scene.

So after I assured her that I was kidding this morning, I thought about what I'd look like as a dude.

Seems pretty accurate to me. 

Although I'd actually be more apt to chop Robin up in little pieces than to have a sex change, more power to you, Chaz.  I'm happy for you.  Feel a little badly for your girlfriend though.  Seems like you're having some trouble with hormones.  Be nice, or you'll soon be singing, "I Ain't Got You, Babe".

Monday, May 9, 2011

My job interview went very well today.

Once I got there. 

The place is a pet resort out in the country.  Robin and I took a dry run out there on Friday so I'd be sure where to go.   We found the sign for it and I was confident I'd find my way back. 

Still, I left in plenty of time today, just in case.  And thank GOD I did.

I googled the facility and learned that a married couple owns and runs it and also lives on the premises.  So when I pulled up to it today, the fact that it was a house did not raise a red flag.  There was a front porch with rocking chairs on it and that looked kind of personal.  Drove around to the back and there were a few trucks parked there, a barn, a couple of sheds, and some other make shift looking buildings.  Something told me to knock on the door, rather than just walk in. No answer.  Went back to my car where I'd left my phone and called the place.  Told the lady I was there and asked how to get in.  She told me to park by the cars and walk around to the back. 

Good.  Noticed the time and I had a few minutes, so I wasn't late.  Walked to the barn.  It was empty.  Saw a trailer and figured maybe that was the office.  Got there.  Huge pad lock on the door.  I looked around and couldn't figure out where I was supposed to go.  I heard a bunch of dogs barking so I walked over toward them.  Some were fenced in, but one was loose, so I put my hand out and began petting him.  Luckily he was very sweet.  There were some horses in the background.  Hmm.  Never occurred to me that horses would hang out at a pet resort.  These North Cackalackies, I tell ya...

As I'm petting the dog and trying to figure out where to go, a lady called from afar. 

"Heyyyy...", she said very southernly and nicely.

"Hi!  I'm Kim", I said assuming I'd just hung up with her.

"Well, I'm Tina;  pleased to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too."

She was so nice.  I'm gonna love it here!

"And that's Beau.  He's getting over some heart worms and has been on medication for, oh, about three weeks now.  Got a little arthritis, but he's a good boy."

"He's very cute.  How many dogs are here?"

"We've got four."

Four dogs?  And they need to hire a receptionist, a groomer and trainer?  That's weird.

Then she said, "Can I help you, dear?"

"Oh, I'm sorry.  I'm here to see Shelly."

"Shelly?  Well, she's right up the road there.  See?  You can see her place from here.  Up there on the right."

I had been wandering around this lady's property, checking out her barn, playing with her dog, and almost broke into her house.

I apologized profusely, then we started cracking up.  She told me to tell Shelly that Tina says hi, and she wished me well on the interview.  She also told me that I looked "real nice".

I went on my way and thought that if this had happened in Miami, I probably would have been shot, or the cops would have been called at the very least.  Had I not had the interview, I have a feeling Tina would have asked me in for a glass of sweet tea.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

This is going to be a bad bad day.

Today is Mother's Day.  I'm too far from my mom to spend the day with her.  :(  But at least she got her present on time.

We asked Iris how she'd like to spend Mother's Day.  Robin leaves tomorrow for a business trip and has stuff to do.  We suggested that we celebrate Mother's Day on Saturday by taking her junking and out to lunch, which is exactly what we did.  Joe came too and was his usual self.  I have nightmares of his boney old man finger pointing in the direction that we need to go. Let me rephrase...the direction that he thinks we need to go.   We have lived here long enough to know our way around.  Yesterday he insisted Robin take a left when she needed to take a right.  I finally chimed in, not very sweetly, "It's a one way street, JOE."  Silence.  Finger went down and he sulked a second.  Until the next turn.  I'm not exaggerating.  He told her which way to go coming out of their driveway. 

Upon getting ready yesterday morning, I discovered that we did not have hot water.  In our usual fashion, Robin and I decided to ignore it and it'd probably be on later.  Well, it wasn't.  Joe is a former plumber and so is our very nice next door neighbor.  The neighbor (Bill) came over and found that the water heater was leaking and shorted out and the house could have caught on fire.  That's nice.  He told us what needs to be done and he is planning on doing it today after church.  Perfect.

Robin called Iris last night to tell her what's going on.  Five minutes later, Joe, who knows EVERYTHING, called for Bill's number.  Oh boy.

They spoke and have a huge difference of opinion. Bill says our tank is 45 gallons.  Joe says no way.  Bill says we need a tall tank because of the connections.  Joe says no way.  Bill says it takes a long time to drain it.  Joe says no way.

So Iris and Joe are on their way over now to start draining the thing.  This is going to be an all day process.  Robin just got off the phone with Joe.  He says he knows what to do and that Bill is wrong and stupid.  Joe is 86 and Bill is 66.  We just got done warning Bill about Joe.  He figured him out by last night's phonecall.

I have anti-anxiety pills.  Supposed to take one in the morning and one at night.  Being the doctor that I am, I decided that I only need a half a pill in the morning and none at night.  Today is an obvious exception.  Took a whole one.  And since they will certainly be here all day, I am prepared to take another whole one tonight.  Maybe I'll take both of them now and just pass out for the day.

Stay tuned........

Friday, May 6, 2011

Gonna be a looooong summer.....

We are not expecting any company any time soon and as a direct result, the guest room is a total mess.  It's entirely my fault.  It's all my clothes all over the place.  In my own defense, I am not used to having seasonal clothes.  In Miami, it's just hot and hotter.  It's chilly here today and supposed to be really warm this weekend.  So I have shorts and jeans and tee shirts and sweatshirts galore.

I decided to work on it this morning.  As I'm doing it, I am also doing laundry.  There are about a dozen piles of clothes on the dining room table.  I'm trying to get organized before I get hired on Monday.  (That's just got to happen.)

Still in PJ's at 11:00. (What?  Robin gets a half a day off today, should be home around 12:30, and I was gonna get showered and dressed before she got here.  Maybe.)

The dogs started going apeshit.  Moreso than usual.  This couldn't be a squirrel they're barking at.  I go to the backdoor and find Iris and Joe standing there.  Don't forget, I'm still sweeping up feathers from last night. 

There is no way they can come in.  At least I don't have the TV on.  House rule, remember?  Pandora was playing.

Anyone who knows my dogs knows they are ill behaved to say the least.  But sometimes the badness is a blessing.  Iris and Joe stopped by to drop off some Shabbos candles.  They couldn't get in the door because they'd be stampeded to death by the heathens.  They set the candles on the table and left.

Good dogs.

Close call.

15 minutes later I glanced out the front window and there they were, deadheading some flowers in the front yard.

I felt a little bad and called Robin, wondering if I should go out there.  Meanwhile they left.  Told Robin about the dogs and the candles and she said, "Good.  I'm glad you didn't let them in."

I think the thing to do is sometime bring it up that if they'd call first, that would give me time to put the dogs up.  Then they could come in and we could visit. 

Or maybe silence is golden. 

;)-

I knew I was gonna be in trouble...

With Robin about to complete her second week at her new job, I have found myself a little bored and lonely.  She and my mom have suggested that I get together with my friend, Tina.  Ironically, I ran into Tina at a gas station yesterday afternoon.   She was mad at her husband and told me she wanted to be anywhere but home.   So off we went.

We hit some thrift stores, a coffee shop and a couple store stores.  I found a really cute white and black NYC skyline tee shirt that I fell in love with.  They didn't have my size, but as we walked out, Tina handed me a bag.  She'd found it in my size and bought it as a belated birthday present.  Sweet!  Robin has to go out of town for two days next week and we made plans to go see "Something Borrowed".

As the afternoon turned into evening, I was aware of the time, but Tina had things she had to get done.  When we walked into Target, I noticed it was 6:00-ish.  Time to feed the heathens.  So they'd eat a little late.  Not the first time.  They'll live.  Tina dropped me off an hour later, and as I walked up the driveway, I knew I'd hear all about being late.  Buddy and Brady would jump around and bark their heads off.  Baxter and Maxx would circle me while yelling.  Bodi would just sit there looking at the dog food container, then looking at me.  I knew what to expect.

But I wasn't prepared.

The picture above is what I came home to.  Ever since Robin broke her leg and spent two months on the couch, she's kept a pillow on it.  A feather pillow.  It looked like the Black Swan AND the White Swan exploded in my house.  I'll be sweeping up feathers for a year.  Have filled three garbage bags so far.  It's not as easy as you'd think.  They tend to fly (pun intended) away as I try to put them in the garbage can. 

And today marks the two year anniversary of us bringing home the biggest bundle of joy in the world, Brady.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Until I become a famous writer...

I didn't believe there could be a perfect job out there for me.

Until now.

I just got a phonecall and have an interview on Monday.

The position is a receptionist at a Doggy Daycare!!!!!!

What could be better?  I've applied for dozens of jobs involving animals, most having to do with vets.  As much as I'd love that, there's always the down side of the sadness factor when dealing with a sick animal.

This is by far the most appealing job lead I've had so far.

So excited!!!!!!!

I just had two little heart attacks.

I rarely eat at the table, but this morning I decided to because I didn't feel like fending off the dogs while I tried to eat my bagel on the couch. 

I was sitting here thinking about how I need to structure my day when all of a sudden a bit of a dog fight began at my feet.  I flew out of my chair to break it up if need be and they stopped before it got ugly.  Those situations happen more than I'd like and they always leave my heart racing.  This turned out not to be bad, but still left me a nervous wreck.

Then I sat back down and saw, in slow motion, my tipped over water bottle (not a 16 oz., but a 1.5 liter bottle, of course) and the water gushing toward, you guessed it, new new laptop.  And my Ipad.  

I thought I moved fast to break up the dogs.  That was nothing.  

Disaster averted.

Next?


Tuesday, May 3, 2011

The new addition arrived today!

And I LOVE it!!!!
This little baby is going to lead me to a fabulous job.  I am going to finish my book and find an agent on it. My Facebook family will grow.  I will enter writing contests, stay in touch with friends, find new recipes, shop, google, stalk, listen to music, store my pictures and so much more. 
We're gonna be very happy together.