Whole Foods? Whole Paycheck maybe

The other day we were in Whole Foods. I wanted to go for the sole purpose of buying cranberry juice - the kind without sugar and all that other stuff. Supposed to be great for you, full of anti-oxidants, blah blah blah. Whole Foods has an awesome salad bar, so I thought, "OK. Cranberry juice and a salad".

You have to walk by the produce and I noticed the gigantic potatoes. I love a big potato! (Not to defend Don Quayle (at all), but the word potato really does look like it should have an E at the end. Everytime I write it, I have to double check that it's right. Well not every time. On my grocery list, I just write "pot". One time I came home with a sauce pan and another time I came home with a bag of weed. Just kidding. Never came home with a sauce pan...thank you folks, I'll be here all week).

Cranberry juice, salad and two big potatoes.

Next thing I knew, Robin was gone and I was asking fish person for that nice piece of salmon in the middle. Not that one. Thaaat one.

Made my salad and picked up a loaf of asiago cheese bread. And a turkey wrap for the next day. And some "Joint Rescue Super Strength Chewable 500 mg Glucosamine" pills for the dogs.

Then I found some pineapple/coconut sauce that would be good on the fish. Then I found something else that would be good on the fish. Got them both.

OH! They have "POP" chips! Love them - especially the pepper ones.

Got a new water bottle. Now I can always have one on my person and one in the frig.

Where was Robin? Dunno.

Grabbed another bottle of cranberry juice. That would save me a trip later on. Wait. Why was one bottle $4.99 and one $8.99? Surely the $9 bottle was better. Got em.

Picked up a cute red dog collar for Brady. Fire hydrants and bones. Aww.

Oh no. Saw Robin in the pill isle. She was talking to the knowledgable full time grad student, part time Whole Foods employee.

"Look at this new stuff to help you quit smoking!"

"Uh huh".

In the cart it went. The sales girl was really good.

If Robin was gonna get a stop smoking pill, I wanted the latest and greatest in diet pills/fat burners/whatever. The girl showed me "Essential CLA - Pure Tonalin - CLA Complex - 1000 mg". Don't know what it is, but hey, I'll take it.

THEN the unthinkable happened. Not to go in to detail, but I have never considered a total body cleanse. I am quite (ahem) regular (not like you Alexandra) and drink an ocean of water every day. No need for me to be cleansed. But the girl had her claws in Robin and before I knew it, I was sucked in too.

Today is the first day of our "Organic Total Body Cleanse - complete 14 day Internal Cleanse. Gentle AND Effective (effective is good). All organic ingredients. For those with daily elimination (exactly what does that mean?)"

We bought two kits. Today was the day we planned on starting. Robin has already backed out. I have already messed up. Took Pill 2 when I was supposed to take Pill 1. Plus, you're supposed to take 2 Pill 1's and 30 minutes later, 3 Pill 2's. One 30 minutes before food, one with food. And don't forget the Pure Tonalin CLA Complex to be taken with every meal. Then there's the whole evening process.

Huh?

Every thing in Whole Foods is expensive. Except the wine at the check out. I don't even drink wine (much), but in a December spending frenzy, Robin decided we needed a wine cooler. As in small refrigerator, not like a Zima. So I felt good about the $4.99 bottle of wine we bought. At least we have something to put in the machine that takes up half my counter besides Diet Pepsi.

From now on, I think I should stick to Publix and their BOGO sales. How different, really, can the $2.99 Ocean Spray be from whatever it is I'm sipping on right now?