So we went to the Coon Dog Festival today. It was a lot of fun, but we didn't really know anything about coon dogs or racoons or the connection between the two. Until we got home. More about that later.
We ran into our crazy friend, Tina, who was there with her husband and her crazy sister. Tina is crazy, but she also has a heart of gold. Her sister is just plain crazy. We'd met once before, but are hardly friends. She asked me for a cigarette, told her I don't smoke, and she then grabbed my hand and complimented my ring. Said something about us getting married, then dropped my hand and she went off. "I was dating a guy for a while. We went on vacation together twice and were planning a third one. We had sex on Thursday night, date night on Friday night when my son went to my mother's, had sex on Saturday morning. Sunday, I can't remember. Did we have sex or not? Anyway, Monday he broke up with me via text and by Tuesday he was with someone else and rubbing my face in it. But then my neighbor came over and said she knows a real nice man. A man, not a guy. He's real nice man. That's what I need. A man. We've been out four times and we haven't even kissed. Well, he gave me a peck on the cheek once, but we're taking it slow. Real slow."
Thankfully, the parade started and I pretended I couldn't hear her, so she stopped talking.
After the parade, we walked around a little. I got a tee shirt. Robin got a bright green wallet made out of duct tape. It's actually very cute. There were many vendors and I think we noticed everything there was to see. Typical festival food and stuff. And funny looking people.
WARNING ~~~ THE FOLLOWING MAY OFFEND SOME PEOPLE.
We got home and I started downloading my pictures. My phone rang and Robin told me who it was. I will not say her name, but it was a dear friend from college who evidently had read on Facebook that we were going to the Coon Dog Festival. I answered the phone and put her on speaker phone. Introduced Robin, they exchanged "nice to meet you"'s and here is how the rest of the conversation went:
Her: "Are you at the Coon Dog Festival?"
Me: "Just got home."
Her: "Did you see any coon dicks?"
Me: "Coon dips?"
Her: "Dicks."
Robin: "I think she's saying d-i-c-k-s."
Me: "Coon dicks?"
Her: "Yeah. Did you?"
Robin: "What kind of friends do you have?"
Me: "Are you drunk? High, maybe?"
Her: "Do you know anything about coon dogs or racoons?"
Me: "I guess not."
Her: "Coon dogs chase racoons. Racoons have bones in their penis'."
Me: "Do go on."
Robin: (quietly to me ) "Do I know her?"
Her: "They're good luck. My friend had a friend who hunted racoons for the skin. We collected the penis' and made ornaments out of them. We made angels and santas. We were gonna sell them for $5.00 each, but her husband, who's a CPA told us to charge $10.00 each. We made over a hundred of them and sold them all for $10.00 each. Made a killing."
Thanked her for the education and we hung up.
I certainly didn't believe her until I googled it. Sure enough, they're good luck.
Are YOU lucky enough to be on my Christmas list this year?
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