Saturday we went to the Apple Festival with Iris and Joe. Knowing that Robin had to work the following Monday, Labor Day (aka Parade Day), Iris asked me, "Can we pick you up for the parade on Monday?"
"Sure!"
Crap.
Parades do nothing for me. Never have and never will. But I had no excuse not to go with them. I touched base with her yesterday morning and she said they'd pick me up around 1:00. Maybe sooner, maybe later. Bring a chair.
Because they are always early, I began waiting for them in my driveway at 12:30. Got a little sun without humidity while I waited. Perfect day. Warm, not hot. No clouds. (End of weather brag.)
They arrived and I got in the backseat. While Joe was trying to back out, Iris informed me that I needed to deadhead the plants along the driveway. Joe began yelling that the flowers would fall off themselves...no need to pick them. Iris argued back that they're dead and need to be deadheaded.
We weren't even out of the driveway yet. Gonna be a long afternoon.
Iris wanted to park as close to the parade as possible. Has a bad back and trouble walking. Joe didn't park in the closest parking lot. Fight II.
With our chairs and pot leaf covered water bottles in hand, we hiked toward the parade. The entire time, Iris said she didn't want to sit in the sun. "I don't care if a bird doodies on my head, I want to sit in shade".
Joe kept trying to put his chair down in direct sun. Fight III.
Iris' back was prickly and her legs were on fire. But to get to a shady spot, we had to keep walking.
Joe pointed out a nice spot, but it was on the opposite side of the street. "No, Joe. I want to sit on this side. We always sit on this side."
Kept walking. Iris kept yelling about how far away from the car we were getting. Finally, Joe snapped. "Ivis!!! Vhat do you vant from me?" You vant shade, you vant close, you vant this side." Then he mumbled some other stuff. We finally settled in on a nice shady place on the other side of the street. I was secretly hoping that a bird would make a doody on her head, but no such luck.
Joe wanted an ice cream. He came back with one and offered Iris a lick. "What kind is it, Joe?" "It's poison. Eat some." "Joe, tell me what kind it is." "Look at it, I." "I don't have my glasses on, Joe. I can't see it." "It's chocolate".
Iris took a lick. "That's not chocolate, Joe." "It's a mix. Chocolate and vanilla. Twist or svirl." "Then why'd you tell me it was chocolate, Joe?" Fight number I've lost track.
The parade didn't disappoint me because I had no high hopes for it in the first place. But it was unusually bad. Iris and Joe were disappointed, especially Iris. Every year she looks forward to the Lake Lure Sweet T Ladies. It's a bunch of ladies dressed up with fake big boobs and they dance provocatively around the back of a pickup. No appearence by the T's this year.
They had to leave in order to be back home by 4:30. Victor and Joyce were coming over. I asked who they are. "Friends." I asked if they were serving them dinner. No. Going out? No. "Well, why are they coming over? What are you gonna do with them?" "I can't tell you," Iris said.
We left the shindig at about 3:45, before it was over. Joe walked down the middle of the street like he was part of the parade. Iris yelled at him. I kept walking, looking straight ahead. Finally made it to the parking lot where Iris had wanted to park and she stood still. "Ivis, what are you doing?" "Well, if you'd parked here, Joe, I wouldn't have to walk any further." "It's von block....mumble mumble".
The phone rang at 7:30 last night. Told Robin it was her mother. She told me to tell her she'd gone to bed. I did and I also asked if they'd had fun with Victor and Joyce. "Yes, we did." "What'd you do?" "We had an orgy."
And tomorrow begins Rosh Hashanah!!!! The first thing Iris said when we decided to move here was, "Oh good! We can have all the holidays together!!"
Septemeber is a big Jewish holiday month. Yay!?
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