WHAT. A. FIND.

Last week when I met Iris and Joe at the bank, it was, "What time are we going to the Garden Jubilee tomorrow?"  And, "What do you like with your hot dogs?  You're coming over for Memorial Day."

Yesterday we ran into them at Walmart.  Glad I didn't have a cart full of frivolous items, like say shampoo or a new toothbrush.  No, our cart was full of litter, cat food and dog food.  And a new mop...we splurged.  After eyeballing the cart ever so not subtly,  Iris asked, "What time are we going to the commmunity garage sale tomorrow?"  And, "When should we go to dinner?  Saturday or Sunday?"

They live in one of those over 55 communities, but she is in denial.  I asked her if it was an over 55 place.  Her response?  "Why no!  We had a lovely black couple who lived here up until last August." 

Huh?


Iris' birthday is on Monday and we had planned on taking her on a Kentucky Fried Chicken (her favorite ~ OK, mine too.  Until they open a Popeye's in this one horse town) picnic.  'Twas to be a surprise.  Guess now we're going to dinner.  May still do the picnic thing on a less hot weekend.  Record breaking temps here right now.

Robin and I are not ones for making plans.  Robin wiggled out of the community garage sale and was evasive about the dinner.  We happily woke up this morning with no plans.  We soon decided that we could go to the community garage sale, then hit the pool.  Backing up a little, we went to Iris' pool last Monday.  Was chatty with a few old ladies until they were about to leave.  One of them came up to me and said, "You know, young lady (shows how old she really was).  You really aren't supposed to be here without a resident.  And you're not supposed to have food (as Robin shoveled Cheese Doodles in her mouth).  You got one thing going for ya...your hair is up."  Then they left.  A lady who stayed behind told us to ignore them, that they were the Pool Police.  Robin called Iris to see what we should do and she, too, told us to ignore them.  So we did.

We decided to go to the pool today in hopes that the Pool Police were tending to their own garage sales.  We called Iris at around 8:30 to see when they would start walking around.  They'd already left.  On our way over there, I was starving and demanded that Robin stop for an Egg McMuffin.  (The point of telling you that will be addressed below.)  We got there, double parked the car and began walking around God's waiting room.  Why do old people have so much tacky crap?  Couldn't find a thing and didn't see Iris and Joe right away.  Finally saw them from afar and Iris and Robin ran to each other like long lost lovers.  Joe had on turquoise pants and soccer sandals.  Nice look.  We told them that their community garage sales sucked and we wanted to go to some that we'd seen on the way. 

Iris had a few more neighbors to snoop upon, I mean, "visit" and we went back to their house to wait.  Not sure why these things come over me, but I told Robin to shove my discarded McDonald's wrappers in their mailbox.  When Joe goes to get the mail, he is going to go batshit crazy.  I can't wait to hear about it!

They finally made their way home and Joe didn't want to go to the other sales.  Iris got in the car and announced that they are not speaking to each other.  The day before, at Walmart, Joe bumped the cart into Iris.  She yelled at him and he said she was in the way.  She demanded an apoplogy and he refused.  Who knows how long this fight will last?  Dinner tomorrow should be fun.

I hit the jackpot at the very first sale.  I love pink and I love Christmas trees.  Bought the beautiful Barbie tree pictured above for fifty cents!  FIFTY CENTS!  Iris and Robin fake vomited the rest of the morning, but I think Iris is just jealous.  Sure she hates pink and is Jewish, but there is no denying the beauty that is my new treasure.  I called my own mother, knowing she would appreciate and share my enthusiasm.  "Hello?  Hello?   Kim?  I can't hear you.  My phone is dying.  HELLOOO?"

Also got a new pink lunchbox and an Irma Bombeck book.  Total splurge, $2.00.

We dropped Iris off and got to the pool at noon.  We met a mother (resident) and her daughter and son.  Daughter and son live very near us and invited us to a party next Saturday.  I need some younger blood, so I hope they were sincere.  Hell, I don't care if they were or not.  We'll crash it.  We talked a bit and told the mother about being yelled at by the Pool Police last week.  She'd already heard all about it.  Robin and I have visions of our pictures hanging in the clubhouse..."WANTED!"

I am now going to wrap up my pink Barbie Christmas tree and give it to Iris for her birthday.

Oh, and wait for the phonecall.  Their mail arrives at 4:00.