Since Robin's been couch bound, I have taken the opportunity to make our basement MY OWN!

She's been down here a few times to help me out with computer issues, but not in a while.  Yesterday I redid the "dog room".  I am missing a dog painting, one in a series of three, and I went crazy turning the garage upside down looking for it.  We still have a number of boxes that we haven't unpacked.  Most of the stuff will go in a spring garage sale, but I did find a number of beachy/cute things that I am certain Robin hid from me.

The first thing I found is the manatee picture hanging to the left in Photo #1.  She hid that very well.  It was in a flat Fed Ex box with a mirror.  Won't she just love hobbling down here to find it hanging right next to where she sits?!

The second thing I found was the manatee painting to the right in Photo #2.  That was hidden in the camping section of our garage.  She almost got away with it.

Notice the flowers in pots in Photo #3?  They were in a box labeled "Office".  I'm sure Robin hadn't counted on me looking in that one.

In Photo #4, above her (a-hem) tool box thing is a little pink shelf.  On it is a sampler that says, "The Sun is Always Shing Somewhere".  Sweet, isn't it?  Yeah, well that was squeezed in between books in a box labeled, "Robin's Books".  Shoulda been labeled "Robin's Books and Kim's Sampler that She's Been Looking for since August, Thank You Very Little".

The trunks in Photo #5 are something I'd found at TJ Maxx in Miami.  (Of course it was in Miami, because a)  I haven't been to a TJ Maxx since moving to NC, and b)  We had money to blow on things like that when living in Miami.)  I instantly fell in love with them.  Found Robin in the store, grabbed her and took her to the trunks.  "Aren't they great?"  "Yeah!  Get 'em!"  Got them home and she announced that they needed to go in the guest room because she hated them.  Think she used the word 'hideous'.  I recently found them hidden behind a dresser in the garage and covered with a tarp.

Photo #6.  Not much to say other than that is our Christmas/holiday room.  Just like to brag that we have a Christmas/holiday room.

I never did find the dog painting I was looking for, but I found so much more.  Cannot wait til she comes down here again to see what I've done with the place. 

Robin turns 50 this month.

I was just making quesadillas (remember all the cheese we bought?) for lunch.  Heard a "that's nice" from the living room.  Asked her what she'd said.

Her:  "Nothing."

Me:  "Well you said something.   What'd you say?"

Her:  "NOTHING!"

Me:  "TELL ME WHAT YOU SAID!"

Her:  "I just got an effing (cleaned up version) saying, "Old lonely seniors want to date you."

HAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

Then I received the following email from her a little later.....mind you, I was sitting right next to her.  A lot of our communication is via email even when we're in the same room.

{{{uh, why am I getting this and ads about lonely seniors wanting to date me



Are you over 50? It may seem like an obvious one, but a membership with the American Association of Retired Persons (AARP) has a lot of discounts, coupons and benefits. For less than $2 a month you can get benefits like better rates for sponsored coverage on health, auto and homeowner’s insurance, tremendous deals on travel (airfare, car rental, hotels, cruises) and that’s just to name a few.


The AARP is also a heavy advocate in Washington, lobbying for members on the issues that matter to you most like healthcare, retirement and social security.


So if you’re not already a member, you might consider signing up here, where you can add a spouse for free. Here are some of the current membership rates:}}}

To which I responded, "Cuz u old".

Being the optimist that I am, I pointed out the fact that she will soon become a member of AARP and just think about all the discounts, coupons and benefits she'll be entitled to. 
 
Then I got the hell out of her way and went out and ran an errand.  Errand being getting her cigarettes.
 
While in my car, I started thinking.  50 years old.  AARP.  FIFTY YEARS OLD?  FIFTY?!
 
WHAT ABOUT ME?
 
I am with a 50 year old?  How did this happen?  I am waaaay too young to have a partner who's 50.  My life mate is about to be a member of AARP? 
 
I think of my mother as being 50.  I remember her 50th like it was just last year.  Got her an antique wheelchair.  We had a party when Nelson turned 50.  I have celebrated the big FIVE OH with many a friend. 
 
That's different.
 
I haven't really been too upset about any of my own milestone birthdays.  But this?  Robin turning 50? 
 
I should factor in the fact that she doesn't look her age at all.  She has excellent genes.  That's good.
 
She sure as hell doesn't act 50.  I guess that's good.
 
She doesn't dress like an old lady.  Au contraire.  Sheee dresses like a 12 year old skateboard dude.  I've often told her that if I wanted to be with a little boy, I'd be with a little boy.  (I know, there are laws.  Just making a point.)
 
But the fact remains.  Soon our mailbox will be stuffed with flyers and junk mail meant for the elderly.  Will I ever be able to look at her without seeing that old lady on Thursdays in my line squinting up at the screen, asking if I'd given her the senior discount?    Speaking of which, the other day someone told me she was a senior and asked me if I wanted to see her ID.  Had all I could do to not say, "No, that's OK.  I can see your face."
 
Back to Robin.  Other than the loss of a parent or a really close friend or relative or a serious illness, we have been through every bad thing as a couple that you can think of.  And we've survived.  So I suppose I can survive her turning 50.
 
We'll see.  I have until the 19th to decide whether or not I want to make a run for it.

Come to think of it ... I really DO hate my life.

We have several things that we could/should sell on Ebay. We've already sold a lot and there's more.

Robin is not the type of person you nag to do something. We've talked about the items and she said she'd handle it.

It's been weeks.

I just very nonchalantly said, "Hey! Why don't you make us some extra money tomorrow?"

Her response? "OK! I'll put a sign on the front porch - 'Crip inside. Legs open. Door's unlocked'."

Another Glamorous Weekend!!!!

I should be happy I even had a weekend.  Was "on call" yesterday and wasn't needed.

Weekend started Friday night.  Boxed fish sticks for dinner. 

Shall I go on?

Yesterday I woke up in an awful mood and decided that I hate my life.  By noon, PMS had turned into that time of the month and I was fine.  I think I made Robin cry a little, I was so awful.  Afterward I reminded her that I am usually an unbeat positive person, a pure delight, if you will, so if I have a couple hours of psychosis once a month, then so be it.

Sundays have turned into a big day in La Casa de Hellmandez Frasierioso.  The newspaper comes out with allll the coupons and sales for the week.  We got dressed and drove down to her store to do the deed.  Deed meaning pay for one paper and taking two.  Or four.  Then we go in the store and make chit chat with the girls.  The paper(s) is (are) sitting on the dining room table now waiting for her to attack them.  I went to sneak a peak and she caught me and screamed, "Don't mess them up!!"  Jeeez Laweeez.  I considered totally messing them up but Robin is kind of vulnerable right now, so I didn't want to push her over the edge.  Besides, having the coupons and sales all to herself tomorrow will be the highlight of her day.  Until I walk through the door after work, that is.

Speaking of work, I have been pretty much exactly on the money since I've been assigned to thin ice.    Delores, I swear to GOD, high fived me the other day, she was so proud. 

After we got our paper(s), we had to go to the store and get cat food.  BOGO with a good coupon.  Nice!
Then the angels sang and the sky opened up.....pasta $1.  We had coupons for $1.  FREE PASTA!!!  Robin wet her pants a little.  Then I wet my pants a little.  Bordon's cheese 2/$4.  We had $1 coupons, making all Bordon's cheese $1.  Success!!!

'Twas absolutely beautiful out today.  Mid 60's and sunny.  In Miami, I had a Sunday afternoon ritual, which was to float in the pool and have two or three beers.  Just having a chair and not having a pool, I now have  to improvise.  I put on my tank top and shorts, grabbed a Heiney, chained Bodi up to the thing so she can't jump the fence, got all the other dogs situated and began to relax in the sun.  Felt good.  The dogs all went to the back corner and barked and waited for the neighbor to bring them treats.  How embarrasing.  Robin hobbled out and sat near me with her pink casted leg elevated on the walker.  We looked like white trash for sure.  I had promised Brady that I'd play fetch with him, but I couldn't find his ball.  Would up using an empty beer can. 

Now I'm gonna go put up my Valentine's Day tree and vittle up some pasta and cheese.

We really tore it up last night!!!!

A big part of the reason we wound up in North Carolina rather than north Florida (where my peeps are) is because Iris and Joe had a friend who was very well connected with the writing field up here. When we were getting ready to move, Iris had coordinated an interview/meeting for this man and me.


Then his health took a turn for the worst. He recently passed away.

In the meantime, I have been told by someone that my writing reminds her of David Sedaris. I hold this person's opinions in the highest regard and that has stuck with me. Out of the clear blue sky yesterday, Robin told me that I really should get one of David Sedaris' books and maybe that would inspire me. I agreed.

(This is kinda choppy, but keep reading.)

The man who recently died had a care giver at the end who is one of our good friends. He had recently lost his wife and son and left behind an estranged niece. The lawyer who handled his affairs at the end has a bitch on wheels wife. We think she has robbed the estate blind. Lots of antiques and jewelry are missing. And who knows what else. The lawyer's wife asked our friend to clean the house and bring her the important papers. Our friend told her she knew where all the papers were, in the Louis Vuitton satchel. The lawyer's wife lit up and she said to her husband, "Louis Vuitton satchel?! I never saw a Louis Vuitton satchel!!! Did you ever see a Louis Vuittin satchel?"

Our friend stopped by our house last night on her way to deliver the Louis Vuitton satchel filled with the paperwork. Robin and I tried to convince her that the satchel should not go to the attorney's wife. If anything, it should go to the niece, who arrives today. Better yet, she (our friend) should keep it. The bitchy wife has stolen enough and it's just not right. Our friend refused. Said she already told the wife about it and she is waiting for it.

Then I got an idea.

I accidently took, I mean dropped, the papers out of it. Then it accidently fell to the floor. Then my good boy, I mean ill behaved, Brady had some of the best raw hide he's ever had!!!!!

THEN...

After we stopped laughing and praising Brady...

I blew dry the dog slobber and went to put the papers back. There was a little yellow sticky in the bottom of the bag and I pulled it out to look at it.

It said "David Sedaris".

Goose friggen bumps then and goose friggen bumps as I type.

BTW - I updated my query letter to include my blog and sent off a different chapter yesterday to a few potential agents. In the midst of all of the above, I got the friendliest rejection letter yet. She said she took a peek at my "very funny" blog, then unfortunately blah blah blah. I was flattered nonetheless.

It's a Wonderful Life.

I took Robin to the doctor yesterday for her follow up appointment.  It was supposed to have been last week, but we were snowed in.  We anticipated it being no big deal, just x-rays and a "See you in two weeks".

Wrong.

Because she was in so much pain when she was first casted, the nurse wasn't able to manipulate her foot into the proper position to cast it.  So they had to do that yesterday and it hurt like hell.  I held her hand and then asked the doctor to xray my hand, she squeezed it so tightly.  He ignored me.  Then I asked for at least some good drugs.  Ignored again.  They removed the cast and her leg looked like that of an ape.  Robin asked why it was black.  I informed her it was hair.  The nurse laughed and Robin called her an ass.

She was recasted, first in green, then in pink.  I asked the nurse to make it pink and green stripes.  Got a blank stare.  I wasn't kidding.

She's in a lot of pain today and I was supposed to go to work.  She begged me to stay home with her.  I'm not much of a caller inner, but at this point, I don't really care.  I'm having "issues" at work and am basically on thin ice.  On thin ice at my glamorous cashiering job.  I forgot to give someone their $10 back when they wrote a check and since this was the second time, I'm in trouble.  (Reminder:  I did the same thing right before Thanksgiving and when the lady returned to the store to get her money, she was mugged and beaten to a pulp.)  Nothing like feeling like a dumbass at a crapass job.  Last week I was a wreck - felt humiliated, idiotic, and like a complete loser.  This week I think of it in terms of my life being a dark comedy.

Nothing like being a middle aged college graduate in fear of being fired from a GD grocery store.

Something's gotta give.

The good news is I've lost almost 20 pounds.  And we have discovered couponing and are saving tons of money on groceries.  There's more to it than just clipping them out of the paper.  Have learned a lot from the couponing customers.   Was proud to have spent $78 yesterday and have saved $96.  That's nothing compared to the lady last week who bought $120 worth of groceries for $9.25.

Bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk bawk...bawk bawk bawk bawk

As you know, I am on a chicken kick. Just made THE BEST chicken salad EVER.

INGREDIENTS:

(I never measure anything, so I'll estimate.)

1.5 cooked chicken breasts, diced
1 hard boiled egg
4-5 pieces of crunchy bacon (I always use the one in the green package, 40% less fat)
1/4 - 1/2 cup Craisins, chopped
3/4 - 1 cup mayo (I use the Hellmans with the light blue top - think it's reduced fat or light)
Red pepper flakes to taste (I use a lot)

It was really good, if I do say so myself.