Sunday, June 12, 2016

My sign ...

My dad died on January 3, 2016. Yesterday was his memorial service in my hometown of Northville, NY. My stepmom, brother and sister did an amazing job, from what I hear. Cancer kept Robin and me from attending.

Even though I wasn't there, I have been quite emotional for the past couple days. I even feel physically worse than I have been, and I'll chalk it up to stress.

This morning I decided to hit the treadmill to see if I could shake some of it off. No big whoop, just three or four songs, or 15 to 20 minutes.

I have a picture of my dad waving in front of my treadmill and I talk to him while walking. This morning my mind was like a channel surfing marathon, flooded with snip its of memories of my dad. Big memories and small. Memories from him and Paula attending my college graduation and staying with my mom and Nelson, to once when he made me mow the yard knowing I'd hit his liquor cabinet the night before. One memory was a glimpse of hm being proud of me in my performance of the musical, "You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown". I was 17 years old and I was Charlie Brown, and yes, I had to sing.

As I was approaching my fourth and final song, I made a deal. I wanted to know that my dad was good, happy, peaceful. I also wanted a sign that I'd be OK. So I asked for a sign that everything is good with him AND I'd survive cancer. I wanted that sign to come to me in the next song.

The next song that played was "Happiness", from Charlie Brown.

It was rather amazing and I happily accept that all is and will be well.

"Happiness is everything, and anything, at all that's loved by you!".

You were happiness to me, Dad.

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