I cannot think of a better time to start blogging again; Iris and Joe arrived in NC today.

For those of you who don't know, they are Robin's parents. They spend half their time in FL and half their time in NC. And it's now NC time.

Right now I am making that noise that one does when backseat driving and the driver gets too close to the car ahead of them. Or when seeing someone with a new really bad hair cut. Or when Iris just called and said they can't find their house key and Robin had to stop what she was doing to go give them hers.

It's not a good happy sound - the sound of grimacing and sucking in air.

I'm not grimacing because she had to leave. I'm grimacing because she will soon arrive over there. And by there, I mean Iris and Joe's - "Home of the Dead Plant".

It's true. They had one plant and it's now dead. Iris will not be pleased. Every single Saturday for the past six months, I have encouraged Robin to, "Let's go water your mother's plant." "Nah. I'll do it next week." You know the ending.

Today Robin replaced said plant with a completely different type and said her mother probably won't notice and if she does, she will just have to get over it. "It's a plant," she said.

Little did she know that she would be there when Iris arrived in NC. Surely she thought she'd have some time. Time is a good cushion. Heals wounds, blah blah blah. As she left I heard her mumbling things like, "This is not good." And, "Why didn't I just go over there and water that damn plant?" And, "I HEAR YOU LAUGHING."

How many days until the week before Thanksgiving?

A little dream of mine

It's not a life long dream, like having a cottage on three (must be fenced in -- but nicely done) acres on the coast of Maine with 12 rescued dogs who live together in harmony with Robin and me and a penthouse in Manhattan for long weekends when we need a break and/or when my publisher wants to see me with news so good that it must be shared in person. (Check my yearbook - living in Manhattan really has been a lifelong dream of mine. It was easier to dream that before turning into a crazy dog lady, but hey, where there's a will, there's a way.)

This dream is rather young. About an hour and a half young, born this afternoon when we took our first batch of homemade bagels out of the oven. The dream grew roots when shortly thereafter we made a jalapeno popper dip. I hadn't intended for the bagels and dip to go with each other. They were both recipes that were introduced to me this week that I simply wanted to try. But when Robin walked around one corner gnawing on a bagel and I rounded the other corner testing the jalapeno dip, we collided and this creation simutaneously combusted. So did my dream. OK, well I stole that visual from the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup commercial, but this combo is equally as good. (Oh that reminds me - their Easter eggs should be out soon! Yay!)

So here's what. I am going to find a pink vintage Shasta (ham can looking old trailer for those who don't know), hopefully redo it to complete adorableness under the guidance of our friend, Kat, whose fault it is that I want one of these in the first place, and travel from Asheville to the NC coast to the coast of FL, selling fresh homemade bagels and schmears in a pink outdoor cafe setting. We'll be like hot dog vendors or lunch truck people! We'll stay as long as we want in an area, then move on to the next town. The town folk will HATE to see us go and word of mouth will spread faster than, oh wait, no more Iris jokes.

Do I have some details to work out? Sure. Should I put some more thought into it before we quit our day jobs? I guess. But a girl can dream and I think this is a swell idea. Right up there with opening a worldwide chain of tanning salons in airports. (Think about it. You want a tan before you go on vacation to get a base. And on the way home, you can get that extra boost of sun that you're not getting naturally because you're now flying back to Detroit. It's a good plan. Seriously.)

Here are the recipes. Hope I wasn't not supposed to share. If so, oopsy.

BAGELS: Go to allrecipes.com and type in Boiled Bagels. Per my friend's suggestion, we made six instead of whatever they said and boiled them for two minutes on each side.

JALAPENO POPPER DIP: I don't usually measure when cooking. Just guesstimated the following. Used reduced fat cream cheese and mayo and it was still delicious.

2 pax softened cream cheese
1 C mayo
1/2 C shredded Monterrey Jack cheese
1/4 C canned chopped green chili peppers
1/4 C diced jalapeno peppers
1 C Parmesan cheese
1/2 C Panko bread crumbs

Mix and bake in a shallow dish for 30 minutes at 40*

One step forward, two steps back ... used to be my way of life ... not any more.

I'm just going to ignore the fact that (again) I haven't posted in months and pretend that I haven't horribly ignored my blog.

Last year was my personal best. I accomplished a lot. Lost a chunk of weight, walked like a mental patient (as in a lot , not as in around in circles while drooling) and got a jay oh bee. But those things added together and multiplied by a bazillion don't begin to compare with giving up drinking. Enough about that. To me it's the best and biggest thing I ever did. To someone else it could be like not ordering fries with that.

Robin and I went for a little walk today. Not a long one. Not a hike. Not a short but intense walk. Just a normal walk around a small lake a few times at the Carl Sanburg Estate. The point is that we got out and got moving. Then we went to a highly recommended bakery and got something that a friend had recommended to me earlier this week...a big warm doughy pretzel wrapped in BACON and barely drizzled in a light maple syrup. Been thinking about it all week and prepared myself not to get my hopes up. Was so happily satisfied that I almost smoked a cigarette afterward.

So the little walk didn't offset the bacon salty doughy little touch of maple deliciousness. Not my goal today. Today, I did take one step forward and two steps back. But if I strive to, on most days, take two steps forward and one step back, then next year at this time I will be as happy with myself for personal accomplishments this year as I am now for last year's. (Huh?).

On one hand, 2013 is when I made up my mind to quit drinking. It was the ending of a too long chapter in my life, so the year is notable. (BTW, that is what anything boils down to...making up your mind.) April 8, 2013, to be exact. But I made up my mind not to drink on April 9th, June 18th, August 2nd, December 24th, today, and every other day between then and now, so every day is a victory since I choose it to be. THAT is a feeling better than any buzz I've ever had.

I passed!!!! (with flying colors, I might add)

We've all been there. That point in a relationship where one person will say, "If you love me, you'll _____."

That fill in the blank can be anything from "take out the trash" to "spend all of Saturday at my mother's house" to "crave Chinese for dinner" (again). ETC. Sometimes the blanks are serious, like "never speak of this again" to silly like "stick a cigarette in your ear and let me light it".

Or in my case, it could be, "GET THE EFFING WART FROM THE DOG OFF MY FOOT NNNNOOOOWWWW." Robin just went to take a little power nap and all of a sudden I heard screeching. Not blood curdling though. More like, well, she'd seen what appeared to be a wart from the dog between the sheets.

Bodi, our girl dog, has had a little wart like thing dangling from her front left elbow since she was born. Vets said it wasn't anything to worry about. I always figured that one day I would have it removed because she felt self conscious about it. That day hasn't come yet and I noticed that she'd been gnawing at it lately. We've had friends suggest we tie a string around it to cut off the blood supply and it would fall off. One friend even offered to do it (her brother had done it to himself, afterall) and we declined. Seemed so - barbaric.

So I was happy to just let nature take it's course to see if Bodi would chew it off herself.

Well, the thing did get smaller and smaller and I thought she just kinda drained it. Looked healthy enough for a deflated wart and I assumed all's well that ends well.

Until today. When Robin screeched. I ran in there and asked what the issue was. She'd thrown down the sheet and demanded, "WHAT'S THAT?" Clearly, I had no idea and said, "Doo doo?" Worth a shot. Robin went on to tell me that it's MY dog's effing wart and I needed to remove it at once. Not having my glasses on and assuming she knew what she was talking about, I put my hands over my mouth, threw up a little, backed up and said over and over, "I can't." She then reminded me of all the gross things she has retrieved, disposed of, wiped up, handled - blah blah blah - and I finally said, "FINE!!!!! Lemme go get my glasses." Came back, not without giving poor Bodi a filthy, "I've now gotta go in there and pick up YOUR wart, Prima Donna. Couldn't you have for once just acted like a dog and just eaten the damned thing??" look and walked toward the bed armed with paper towels, Chlorox Cleanup and Walmart bags. Got closer and closer and then I realized - it was merely a dried up jalapeno pepper. Picked it up and pretended to lick it and walked away.

Who was throwing up a little now?

You may be wondering why we had a jalapeno pepper in our bed. Not the point. My point is, I love Robin enough to pick up a would be dog wart. That's a beautiful line - may have to incorporate it in to our wedding vows - "I, Kim, love you, Robin, enough " ... you know the rest.

Since it's been almost six months since I last posted, I figured I'd catch up for a minute.

Let's see.  This morning I got up and cleaned out the freezer.  FYI - if there's ever a world wide boneless/skinless chicken breast shortage, I'm your girl.

Yesterday Robin and I spent the entire morning junking and came home empty handed.  That's a first!  So we went to Fresh Market and spent all the money we didn't spend on crap and bought some beautiful fresh shrimp.  Then we wound up having turkey and swiss sandwiches for dinner.

What else?  We're gonna bathe all the heathens today.  Supposed to be a beautiful day after a record breaking rainy summer.

I got a FITBIT last week and today I will get in 10,000 steps (for the first time since I put this thing on) if it kills me.

Seems like there was...oh yeah...I lost over 40 pounds, got a job and QUIT DRINKING since I last posted.  Noooooo stories there ----  

When did you lose your glam?

The other day, out of having nothing to do and all day to do it (I refuse to use the word 'boredom' because Marylu Henner recently said on "Anderson Cooper", "If you're bored, you're boring), I invented a little game to play with Ingrid.  I texted her asking her to share something she does in the privacy of her home that she wouldn't want anyone on earth to know.

She complied and then so did I.  Then she went again.

Last night I thought of something else.  I will share this one because it greatly reflects my class, elegance and sophistication.  I recently went through my Facebook friend list and unfriended some people who either I don't really even know, didn't like that much or who just bored me.  A few are on the fence right now.  One "friend" changes their FB profile picture a lot.  Like twice a day.  It annoys the bejesus out of me.  Keep them around just to love to hate.  Whenever they change it, I literally flick the screen.  I'm usually on my Kindle Fire and do this from my chair.

This is how the text went down:

Me:  Another thing I do  - whenever so and so changes their FB picture, I flick the screen.

Her:  ROFLMAO!!  I can see that too...in the brown chair...one leg thrown over the side, upper teeth pressing into lower lip.

Me:  OMG!  That's exactly how I'm sitting!!!

Her:  Hair pulled back.  Ratty slippers on.  It's burnt into my retina.

Me:  It's like I'm on a webcam!

A few months ago when she was here she called me on my cellphone first thing in the morning and asked me to come to the guest room.  Got in there (all the way from the living room) and she asked me, "Kim?  When did you lose your glam?" 

Offended, I have not let her forget this.  She recently asked for a list of some of my favorite make up and lotion and stuff like that.  Told her about Rapid Lash, Oil of Olay In Shower Body lotion, lip plumper and a few other things.  I let her know, under no uncertain terms, that although I shared a few faves, I draw the line at sharing my health and fitness tips with her.

Last night she pointed out that that vision of me in the chair, leg flung over, ratty slippers and hair up was the catalyst to that pertinent question..."When did you lose your glam?"

Sad to say, I get it now.

For you, Celeste & Jack

A friend of mine had to send her beloved dog to doggie heaven yesterday and it got me thinking about my own heathens. Started going through old pictures and came across this one. I've posted many of these types of pictures in the past. Probably a dozen or so. And I realized something.  After Bailey died five years ago, Buddy was our oldest dog. When we'd come home and find these disasters, I'd blame everybody except Buddy. By blaming, I mean I'd say, "Bodi? Did you do this?" or I'd look at Baxter and say, "Bad boy". And that was the end of it. Nobody ever suffered any consequences so it didn't really matter.  Buddy was never questioned.  But now that Perfect Dog Buddy has been gone for over a year, it dawned on me...this has not happened once since he's been gone!! Buddy!! You got us!!

Everyone loved that dog. Can't put my finger on it, (just like I can't put my finger on why (to me) Lisa Vanderpump looks way older than 52 - is it her hair? The way she dresses?) but Buddy just had "it".

The first time I had to put a dog down was in October of 1999. Sir Spankford Vahn Doolittle (a/k/a "Spanky") was my first pet as an adult. I had just moved from Orlando to Jacksonville to be with my girlfriend at the time. After having lots of friends in Orlando and going to just the two of us, I decided a puppy was in order. Well, that and a few chicken wings and a pitcher of beer. OK - two pitchers. This was before "google", so we got a newspaper and found someone who was selling cocker spaniels on the "west side". Some people say 'the west side is the best side' (of Jacksonville), but I'm not one of them. So we got to the trailer park, found the right trailer, and were invited inside. There must have been ten cocker spaniel puppies running around, each one cuter than the next. How would I ever choose? Then I saw him. My dog. He was sprawled out on the little air vent with the AC blowing back his little ears. It was love at first sight! His eyes said, "I'd love to show you more of me and how cute I am, but is it worth losing my spot?"

That dog was the light of my life for ten years.

We (new girlfriend and I) got Bailey when Spanky was about six years old. Bailey is a whole 'nother story. Swear we were mother/daughter in a former life. She took it very hard when Spanky died. My partner and I went away to visit friends in the country for a long weekend about a month after Spanky died. Bailey had been depressed. On the ride over, we discussed getting another dog from the shelter when we got home. We agreed it was time and it'd be good for Bailey.

The next morning I was telling my friend about it being time to get another dog. She said that there was a cute black stray who ran with a pack. Said he seemed very sweet and she wanted to keep him, but her husband put his foot down. Long story short, the dog showed up alone, I patted my thigh and said, "Here Buddy", and that's all she wrote. He was with me from 11/99 through 01/24/12.

There are many Buddy stories I could share, but my all time favorite is this: My partner at the time and I decided to take Bailey and Buddy to Jekyll Island, GA. We were the only ones on the beach for miles (except for the sand dollars of which there were hundreds). Decided to go to town one afternoon and took them for a ride (the dogs, not the sand dollars). Stopped at a gas station at a very busy intersection and my partner pumped the gas. I decided I wanted something from inside and when I got out of the car, Buddy escaped. He was running wildly all over the place and I was freaking out thinking that he'd be hit by a car. Strangers helped us corner him by a bread delivery truck. By the time I got close to the truck, Buddy had run up into the truck. I finally got to the truck just in time to see Buddy lift his leg on the driver. All I could see was pee running down the leg of his black polyester pants. He was very tall black man talking on a cell phone. As I slowly looked up and met his eyes he said to the other person on the phone, "Ima hafta let you go. A damn dog just peed all up my leg."

I'm sure I fumbled an apology, got Buddy in the car, and I went inside to get my stuff. I felt something piercing the top of my head and when I turned around, it was the bread man staring down at me. I tried to apologize and he gave me the "talk to the hand" wave.

So, my friend, as much as you're suffering today and the days to come, please know that one day you will be able to remember your Schatzi girl with more smiles than tears.

RIP Schatzi - and give smooches to Buddy, Bailey, Spanky and all the other puppies. We'll all be together one day. You'll see. And tell Mr. Buddy that his mommies know about all those dog beds and pillows.