Sunday, June 8, 2014
Who you calling crazy, Crazy?
Even though I didn't want to because of female stuff (won't bore you with the gory - literally - details), we went to a few garage sales in Iris and Joe's development yesterday. Before I even got out of the car, I knew it was a mistake. Joe came running up to the car yelling at Robin for something that he told her about Iris that he shouldn't have, Robin and Iris subsequently got into a little spat, Robin brought it up and Iris was now pissed at Joe for telling Robin and now Joe was pissed at Robin for telling Iris. Got that? So it was 7:30 a.m., everyone's mad at everyone and I reluctantly got out of the car wondering if today's the day that I will bleed to death.
My purchase of the day was a PED EGG. Not used, thank you. As I gave the 147 year old my $4.00 (they go for $10 in the store...bargain - yeah...steal - not exactly), she informed me how well they work but when she quit walking, she didn't need them anyway more. There's an idea! Preserve those expensive pedis by not walking. Then the fun part was explaining to Joe what it was. "Kimmy, vhat chu buy?" "It's a PED EGG, Joe." "A PED EGG. Oh. Vhat is this PED EGG?" "It's for your feet." "Oh. For your feet. You put eggs on your feet? Vhy you put eggs on your feet?" I had to get this over with. "No. It's got sharp little metal teeth that you scrape your heels with and all the dead skin flies off." That did the trick. He waved his hand in disgust at me and walked away to look at the jigsaw puzzles.
We managed to get out of there within a half an hour and went WalMart for some pool chemicals. I was going to wait in the car but remembered that I needed to get a couple Father's Day cards. I got a phonecall from a friend and was still on the phone with her as we checked out and got back in the car. Started driving home and the car swerved into GO Grocery. Handed the phone to Robin as I went inside. Robin hates this store because she's a snob, but I have come to LOVE it!!! Did I pull a fast one? Perhaps, but I came out of there with two bags full of goodies for $15.00. I'm talking International Delight coffee creamers for $1.59 and Velvetta blocks for $1.79, just to name a few.
Came home and we both relaxed in the Honey Boo Boo Pool. Robin informed me that I talk incessantly and that I am crazy. Not in a "girl, you so cray cray" way, but she said I am a scary type of crazy because it goes down deep to the bone and most people aren't aware of it, but it's spookily subtle and it's very there.
I disregarded her comments. Afterall, she's always telling me I talk too much. Just Friday night, as we (she) was dozing off, I was talking and she told me that I talk too much. Fine. It was 8:47. (OK, it was 8:07.) 8:07 and I decided that I would not speak to her again for 24 hours. Drove her nuts! Within THREE minutes she was apologizing and within FOUR minutes, she was BEGGING me to speak. Within four and a half minutes, everything was back to normal and I was telling her what a cute name Schatzi Suess (my work love, the owner's dog) is.
But the crazy comment must have stuck with me because I dreamt about it last night. I dreamt I went to a really famous psychiatrist who threw his hands up in dispair and referred me to his mentor. The second shrink , an older Sherlock Holmes looking gent, talked to me for hours and took all kinds of notes. Then, as I sat there, he researched all his books like a mad man. No google in this dream, I guess. Finally he was calm and composed and said very quietly that I have "Rolling Eye Syndrome". But given my love for the booze, he'd be unable to prescribe anything for me. He went on to say that maybe if Robin wanted, he'd be able to give her a lil sumpin sumpin for her nerves. Well, that hardly seems fair. WTH??!! If I have the syndrome, I should get the drugs.