Long time no see...

I haven't been here since the camping trip. We had an absolute blast!! When we got home we started making a list of camping things that we wanted to get and I started googling places to camp around here. We became slightly obsessed with the whole camping thing.

And then....

On the morning of Sunday, March 1st, I watched the previous week's "The Biggest Loser" and there it was...rolling across the bottom of the screen - "CASTING CALL IN MIAMI, MARCH 7, 10:00 - 5:00"

I have always wanted to try out for this show, but every time they have had auditions around here, they've been looking for couples. This time they wanted singles. So I sat there for a few mintues and thought -- is this something I really want to do or is this something that kinda sounds good until it becomes a real possibility? I knew I wanted to do it - at least try out. I would never forgive myself if I didn't at least try out. When Robin got up, I told her I needed her undivided attention for a minute. She sat down and before if even got the words out of my mouth, she encouraged me to go for it.

I cannot remember ever being so determined to do something. I am totally obsessed with getting on this show. Anyone who knows me knows that. It's all I can think about. I made it through the interview and did my very best at a silly and hopefully memorable video. I can envision myself in spandex for the world to see my fat, throwing up because I'm running too fast, Jillian screaming at me, sitting on a rock in the dark, talking to the camera. I can see it all. It took a long time, but I can also finally see myself being a small person. (literally, not figurtively)

I am now in the waiting mode and it sucks. Every time the phone rings or someone knocks at the door, I think it's gonna be Bob or Jillian. My head tells me that I will not hear anything until at the earliest March 31st, because they're accepting videos until then. But my heart tells me that maybe I was so perfect for the show that they'll sign me up early. I never let my hopes get so high, but the casting director told me personally how perfect I am for the show. If he said it just in passing, he's evil. Every time a shimmer or doubt tries to seep into my head, I think of his words..."PERFECT FOR THE SHOW".

Nobody has dared to really come out and say, "Kim. What if you don't make it?" I know everyone must think it though. I will be absolutely devastated. At first, the thought of getting on the show was so exciting. And who knows what could happen after the show? But the bottom line is, the most exciting thing is that I can finally lose the 100 pounds that I've always wanted to lose.

So here's my Plan B...if it is not meant for me to be on TBL, I am going to lose the weight on my own. I will be serious about not drinking, working out, and most importantly, eating healthy.

If I don't get on TBL, I will lose 100 pounds on my own. I am determined to do it one way or another.