I'm no Nate Berkus...

But I am so proud of this little entrance way area that we created yesterday! Got everything except the POG (the hippo/dog/pig thing - I love them!) at different garage sales yesterday and it all cost less than $10.00. Before this there was just an ugly picture hanging on the wall.

Good thing our new friends are DOG people!

Lisa (under Brady) and her daughter, Samantha (the one who's not Robin), came over yesterday to look for a place to live. We found a BEAUTIFUL house nearby, so here's hoping it'll work out. After a sophisticated elegant dinner at Denny's, we came home to a mind stimulating and thought provoking evening of "The Real Housewives of New Jersey" finale, Parts I and II.

Job searching is not for wusses.

I know I should be "out there" instead of writing here. The truth is, I just got home and I just don't have the heart for this today. Started at a small family owned pet store - "just hired a gal - seems to be working out fine - but check back." OK - I'll check back. Went next door to a family owned drug store - "not hiring now - but take this application and bring it back - we'll keep you on file". Took the application. Next was a really cute card and stationary store that I can't tell Robin about. She would spend all her money there. I asked the Asian woman if they're hiring. She nodded and smiled. A nod and smile?! OMG! I would LOVE to work at a place like this! "No. We no hiya now". Bitch, then why'd you nod?
Next stop, "Steinmart". My mother thought that would be a good place for me to work. Very close (all these places are within walking distance) and I'd probably get an employee discount. I walked in and asked if they're hiring. Three southern ladies were in a circle gabbing away. One of them looked at me, "Can I help you, ma'am?". I felt as though I'd interrrupted their discussion about "Big Brother" final three. (FYI and BTW - the Brigade made it to the end...poor Britney.) "I was wondering if you guys are hiring?" The lady literally gave me an up and down look and said no. Then I asked for an application. Fresh out. I think I should have said, "I was wondering if y'all are hiring" instead of "you guys".

This is such a humbling experience. Not only do I have to totally redefine and tweak my job experience and pay, but now I feel like I need to develop a fake southern accent.

Last stop before I came home was "Fresh Market". I did recently apply for a position online. The job title was "Cheese Specialist". Other than working around animals or maybe a tanning salon, I can't think of a better title for me. "Kim E. Frasier, Cheese Extraordinaire". How cute would business cards be with little varying sized holes in them - for swiss cheese? A lady told me that all their applications are done online. I'm finding that a lot. So I came home to see where I can apply online. Rejection is much easier in the privacy of my own home. Especially with a few dogs at my feet.

New new background

Somebody, to whom I will refer as Little Miss Crabby Pants, complained about my old new background. Something about it being too hard to read, that it would be easier to read Braille.

You know who you are. Is this better? And don't think you're fooling me. You have a sour grapes attitude that you are in a muggy swamp and I am living in the cool mountain air. As a matter of fact, we are getting ready to go to Rosh Hashanah dinner at I and J's and I am wearing PANTS. Not shorts, not capris. Pants! And I may be chilly later.

Ta ta. Burr.

Shoulda been us in that car. Next year.

Saturday we went to the Apple Festival with Iris and Joe. Knowing that Robin had to work the following Monday, Labor Day (aka Parade Day), Iris asked me, "Can we pick you up for the parade on Monday?"

"Sure!"

Crap.

Parades do nothing for me. Never have and never will. But I had no excuse not to go with them. I touched base with her yesterday morning and she said they'd pick me up around 1:00. Maybe sooner, maybe later. Bring a chair.

Because they are always early, I began waiting for them in my driveway at 12:30. Got a little sun without humidity while I waited. Perfect day. Warm, not hot. No clouds. (End of weather brag.)

They arrived and I got in the backseat. While Joe was trying to back out, Iris informed me that I needed to deadhead the plants along the driveway. Joe began yelling that the flowers would fall off themselves...no need to pick them. Iris argued back that they're dead and need to be deadheaded.

We weren't even out of the driveway yet. Gonna be a long afternoon.

Iris wanted to park as close to the parade as possible. Has a bad back and trouble walking. Joe didn't park in the closest parking lot. Fight II.

With our chairs and pot leaf covered water bottles in hand, we hiked toward the parade. The entire time, Iris said she didn't want to sit in the sun. "I don't care if a bird doodies on my head, I want to sit in shade".

Joe kept trying to put his chair down in direct sun. Fight III.

Iris' back was prickly and her legs were on fire. But to get to a shady spot, we had to keep walking.

Joe pointed out a nice spot, but it was on the opposite side of the street. "No, Joe. I want to sit on this side. We always sit on this side."

Kept walking. Iris kept yelling about how far away from the car we were getting. Finally, Joe snapped. "Ivis!!! Vhat do you vant from me?" You vant shade, you vant close, you vant this side." Then he mumbled some other stuff. We finally settled in on a nice shady place on the other side of the street. I was secretly hoping that a bird would make a doody on her head, but no such luck.

Joe wanted an ice cream. He came back with one and offered Iris a lick. "What kind is it, Joe?" "It's poison. Eat some." "Joe, tell me what kind it is." "Look at it, I." "I don't have my glasses on, Joe. I can't see it." "It's chocolate".

Iris took a lick. "That's not chocolate, Joe." "It's a mix. Chocolate and vanilla. Twist or svirl." "Then why'd you tell me it was chocolate, Joe?" Fight number I've lost track.

The parade didn't disappoint me because I had no high hopes for it in the first place. But it was unusually bad. Iris and Joe were disappointed, especially Iris. Every year she looks forward to the Lake Lure Sweet T Ladies. It's a bunch of ladies dressed up with fake big boobs and they dance provocatively around the back of a pickup. No appearence by the T's this year.

They had to leave in order to be back home by 4:30. Victor and Joyce were coming over. I asked who they are. "Friends." I asked if they were serving them dinner. No. Going out? No. "Well, why are they coming over? What are you gonna do with them?" "I can't tell you," Iris said.

We left the shindig at about 3:45, before it was over. Joe walked down the middle of the street like he was part of the parade. Iris yelled at him. I kept walking, looking straight ahead. Finally made it to the parking lot where Iris had wanted to park and she stood still. "Ivis, what are you doing?" "Well, if you'd parked here, Joe, I wouldn't have to walk any further." "It's von block....mumble mumble".

The phone rang at 7:30 last night. Told Robin it was her mother. She told me to tell her she'd gone to bed. I did and I also asked if they'd had fun with Victor and Joyce. "Yes, we did." "What'd you do?" "We had an orgy."

And tomorrow begins Rosh Hashanah!!!! The first thing Iris said when we decided to move here was, "Oh good! We can have all the holidays together!!"

Septemeber is a big Jewish holiday month. Yay!?

Please notice:

1) Joe's sandals. We hate them. But, as far as feet go and especially old man feet, his aren't bad.

2) The water bottle he is carrying for Iris is covered in pot leaves. And she knows it.

There's nothing any fina than to be in North Carolina

in Septeeeeember. (Maybe to be here in October? November? April? April's a good month. Good peeps done born in April.)

I wish I could say I haven't been here (here meaning here on my blog...not to be confused with here in NC) since 08/25/10 because I've been w-o-r-k-i-n-g. That, unfortunately, is not the case. I have been looking for work, but the pickens are slim. I do love having my own business (muttstruttcarolina), and think I'd love it even more if I actually had clients.

Not that it was difficult AT ALL, but I think Robin and I have fallen in to our roles as Carolina Girls very well. As a way to cut back on finances, I dyed my hair kinda back to it's natural color. It's been blonde so long, I don't even know for sure what the natural color is. What I have on there now kinda matches the roots, so it's good. I also did away with acrylic nails. These two sacrifices are only temporary. Once I'm working and things are back to normal, I'll go back to being the cheap looking floozy everyone knows. Dolly Parton once said, "It takes a lot of money to look this cheap"!

I have not, however, given up tanning. I have told Robin that I'd sooner give up vodka than tanning. I seriously hope I don't have a Sophie's choice to make.

I make Robin listen to John Denver in the car every time we go somewhere. Not really sure why, because his songs are all about West Virgina and the Rocky Mountains. Her favorite is "Thank God I'm a Country Boy", and she claims it's her theme song. Whatev. I always tell her that if I wanted to be with a 12 year old boy, I'd be with a 12 year old boy. Then again, I'm not Mary Kay Letournea Milli Vanilli. Although I am fascinated by that story. Same with Aileen Wuornos. Love me some bad girls.

Robin has had a bad back lately. Today she felt like nursing it. Being the great and compassionate partner I am, I suggested (after an hour of her nursing it) that we get outside and enjoy the perfect weather. (Warning: I am super excited about the upcoming fall and winter. If you continue to read my blog, you will hear all about it and I'm sure you will become very tired very quickly about the weather in Western North Carolina. Sorry in advance.) We decided to grab our cameras and look for a waterfall. We wound up at the Dupont National Forest. You may want to check the weather station, because I'm pretty sure that hell has frozen over. Today we HIKED!!!! And the very best part is that we loved it! There are so many places to hike around here too. It's close, convenient, FREE, healthy, outdoors (equals free tan ~ vodka, you're in the lead), and we can bring dogs! Then we came home and I made a big batch of beef stew and homemade bread.

How much more North Carolinian can we be?

(Note to self: I know you hadn't planned on hiking today, but in the future, when you do plan on it, don't wear flip flops. You're not in Florida any more.)

PS: Yes, I do understand that hiking may not have been the best thing for Robin's back. I'll walk on it later for her. Not in flip flops though.

PSS: Now that song, "Don't Go Chasing Waterfalls", is stuck in my head. Never liked that song and I surely don't like it now. Gonna play "Annie's Song" and see what happens.